What I Want

Do you know what it's like to want something so badly, with your whole entire body, as soon as you lay eyes on it? Well, that's what it was like the moment I first saw him. It was like the feeling I got when I practice my music, play around with my art, or even how it felt to help out Earth's creatures. Yes, it was like all those feelings, but better... *Parents' perfect angel pretending to be somethings she really isn't...What happens when the real her comes out? Can she keep living the classical life her parents raised her to have, or will she be chased to where there's no return?


16. Weekend


        "Yes!!!" I shriek with fake enthusiasm, bending down and flinging my arms around him. He picks me up, swinging me around, then sets me back down on my feet. He pulls me close and kisses me. This kiss wasn't anything like an innocent little peck, but had no true passion, like the one Daymien gave me. This one was pure wanting emotion. He's won, he knows he has. I just don't know what game he's playing, because he knows I'm only playing along, that there's nothing real between us.

        He pulls away, smiling down at me lovingly, hands on either side of my face. He wipes at the fearful, angry tears running down my face, that, given the situation, would probably be seen as happy tears. I look around me, seeing sympathetic looks from my real friends, but not seeing who I'm really looking for. I see something shift through the cafeteria doors into the hallway. A tall shadow of a boy wearing all black. That has to be him.

        I politely excuse myself, pecking Terrance quickly before running out of the cafeteria. My tears fall harder as I fight to keep them in. I probably look like a wreak, like the shell of a human being, emotions exploding out of me. I need to find him. I need to talk to him. I need him---

        A noise rips me from my hysterics and I turn to see Daymien with his fists pressed together against a locker, head down. I take a step toward him, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He jerks away, punching the locker. "Don't" he warns, holding up a stopping hand. 

        I stand there, staring at him, shocked. He lets out a shaky laugh and continues. "I should have known better than to let myself fall for someone I had such strong feelings for. It was so obvious that you were only going to hurt me in the end. Just like everyone else in my life."

        His eyes are so pained, I squeeze my own shut, blurry and stinging from their current condition. "I know. Same here. Whenever I want something, I get the opposite. Whenever I'm close to grasping happiness, it's ripped away from me. But you're right, this is only for the better." I push around him, storming into the nearest girls' bathroom. I collapse down to my knees, head in my lap, not able to stop the real crying from coming out.


        Carla comes to find me not long after. Her and Emma make me over the best they can to make me look less like a zombie. For the whole rest of the day, people I don't even know, and I mean a lot of people, congratulated me on my engagement or gushed about what a perfect and adorable couple we make or have always made, how the wish they had the kind of relationship we had, one that was "perfect" and I just smiled, forced a blush, and faked giddiness.

        It was hard to concentrate on my algebra test, considering Daymien and I never got much studying done, and because the subject just reminds me of him. And our few but wonderful memories. That are forever over.

        That said, I think I may have at least passed it. I learned the basic steps from Daymien, and I think that helped a whole lot more than I had faith in. 

        "What did you get?" I hand Carla my B+ so she can see it, and she passes it back to Emma, who, again, hands it down, showing it off, I guess. Weird... She then hits me in the back with the pages. 

        "Ouch" I complain, but turn and take them anyway. I see a neon green sticky note on the top page, peal it off, and take a look at it. I recognize the hand writing to be Daymien's. 

        Good job on the test. Glad I could help you do SOMETHING right.

       Okay, I don't know weather to be joyous or offended over his words. Is he calling me a screw up or himself?


        The bell had finally rung and I was at my locker, happy to rid myself of every binder and text book I, this year, owned. I'm a senior and don't know if I want high School to end. I don't know if I'll ever be allowed to go to collage, and look around. Not even out of school yet and already engaged. Engaged!

       That is where my life is going...

        A hand slides around my waist as I swing my locker shut, revealing Terrance, who falls into step beside me, pretty much forcing me in the direction of his car. He then opens the door for me, shoves me inside, then slides himself behind the wheel. He takes me home, but when he pulls into my driveway, the doors remain locked. I look over, questioning him.

        "I wanted to ask you what you wanted to do this weekend. We could hang with Carla. Or, it could be just us?"

        I slide my finger over the lock, freeing myself and opening the door. "Just us" I say, climbing out. 

        He's right behind me. "Really?"

        "Yeah, I want to be alone with you. So I can speak my mind freely and tell you how much I truly, deeply hate you."

        He grabs me so quickly that I cant react and kisses me. This time, I feel nothing. But desperate, he crushes my lips with his, then pulls back so his forehead leans against mine and his dark, intense brown eyes are looking into my own gray-blue ones, which are so unsure of what to feel.

        "You don't hate me, you could never mean that."

        "Actually, yes I can. And I do."

        "You don't hate me, you hate the way I make you feel."

        "You know what Terrance, yes. You used to make me feel something, but that was before. Skyler used to make me feel nothing, but that was before. Now you're both just someone I used to have feeling for. Because, do you know what you both lack? Everything that Daymien is. He is who I am in love with, not you or anyone else. Just him. Daymien, him he's the one."

        He scoffs. "You can't love him, you just met him!"

        "True, but it feels like I've known him forever. When I'm with him, time just stops, and there's only us."

        "Damn, you really do have it bad, don't you?!" he exclaims, laughing. Then he steps close to me again, hand on my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. "Still, you can't deny you have feelings for me, too. I can see them, even if you can't. or maybe you just don't want to, but they are there. And I'll be the one to make them come out."

        I open my mouth to reply, but no words come out. I've said all I could, which has left me stumped. I can only stare at him, shocked. He smirks back, stepping forward and pulling me to him. He puts his hands on either of my face, smashing our lips together. I react to the kiss by, not shoving away, but pulling closer. He opens my mouth, his tongue moving to dance around with my own. I feel no sparks fly and my whole body is shaking with some unknown feeling.

Hatred, but also, maybe, desire...? No, I won't enjoy this. I won't let him make me feel this way. He is not he one I love or the one I want to love, and he will not be the one I end up with. Not in reality. I bite him hard, shoving him away from me. He growls angrily, glowering at me. Then the anger slips away, him gibing me a wicked smile as he gets into his car and drives away.

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