What I Want

Do you know what it's like to want something so badly, with your whole entire body, as soon as you lay eyes on it? Well, that's what it was like the moment I first saw him. It was like the feeling I got when I practice my music, play around with my art, or even how it felt to help out Earth's creatures. Yes, it was like all those feelings, but better... *Parents' perfect angel pretending to be somethings she really isn't...What happens when the real her comes out? Can she keep living the classical life her parents raised her to have, or will she be chased to where there's no return?


11. Nothing


        I rush to my seat next to Daymien, ignoring the teacher and looks from students. I lay my head down in my arms until it's time to work on our project. I just can't wait to get it over with. I go to start, turning to Daymien. I can tell he was trying to not look at me, but when he does, he sees that I had been crying. He leans in so he can whisper. "What's wrong?"

        "Nothing" I barely get out. I feel stares from behind me, probably Skyler. I can tell he wants to talk, but we both keep to our own projects. I start writing on our poster board, where we have to put our similarities and differences. Curious, I have to ask him. "Hey, why did you leave so much blank? I respect the mystery, but it's a little hard to do the project."

        He raises a brow, giving me an amused look. "So, you like mystery. huh?"

        I push his shoulder, giggling a little. "I am so not hitting on you, I'm being serious! Your whole vibe is mysterious and nobody really knows anything about you. It's a little sad."

        He shrugs, looking away, smile gone. "Just accept the fact that this project will be left only half done."

        What is up with this guy? Like, is he serious? Who really is Daymien? Why so secretive? Will I ever get him to trust me?

        The bell rings and we rush to pack up. I feel someone hovering behind me and notice Skyler was still there. I turn, rushing into the hallway, both boys keeping up with me. An arm grabs me, stopping me. I'm faced with Skyler. "Can't we talk about this?"

        I don't look at him. "No, Sky. Just let it be."

        "You're the one who said we shouldn't forget. You can't say something like that to me, then tell me to forget. I love you---"

        I snap around to face him and fight to keep my voice low. "You don't know me, Skyler, you only think you love me." Okay, I know that was harsh, but how else could I have done it? He kept pushing me and wasn't making it any easier. I turn to apologize, "Sky, I don't know how to make this not hard. I'm just sorry."

        He grabs my hands in his, looking into my eyes, searching. "I just don't get it. You said you like me, too, so why can't we try?"

        "Because you're my best friend and I can't lose you. I've already hurt everyone over something that wasn't my fault, you hate me because I changed from being your perfect good girl, and I can't take any more risks, not with you." I answer honestly, but see it's not enough. I turn away from him, pushing the issue further. "Open your eyes and see that I'm not the girl for you. She's out there and you'll find her, but she's just not me. I'm sorry for ruining everything, but I guess that's just what I do."

       With that, I push my way to chemistry, sitting in my seat between Daymien and Emma. She doesn't look at me, looking straight ahead. I didn't even notice when Daymien left. I grab my notebook and scribble to him.

        Didn't notice you head to class. Did you hear?

       I get an almost immediate reply. My heart skips a beat at seeing his handwriting again. I gave you your privacy. I don't care about you and your problems, so you don't have to worry.

       I just wanted to know how much you heard. Because I wanted you to hear. I was kind of hoping you had stayed. Guess we're both just being stupid. I shut the notebook, not interested in taking the conversation any farther. I focus with everything I have on doing the worksheet. Then I hit a dead end. "Has anyone figured out the last problem yet?" I adress no one in particular. 

        "I can't either." Emma replies, the only one to speak, or eb=ven lift their head in rely to the question. "Anybody?" I see her look both ways, at both the boys, who are both unresponsive. "Where's the tension I'm missing?" she whispers to me.

        I grab my notebook, opening it to a fresh page. Don't hate me, but I'm surprised you're talking to me

       Of course I am, everyone else are the dumb ones

       Thanks but I've really messed up

       You changed, so what? Everyone does at some point and you are still you. More the you we know then the one before. We all know how you felt about yourself .You know, the you that wasn't really you at all, but everyone else's you. You know what I'm saying?

       Haha, yes, you said that perfectly. Why are you so awesome?

       I'm not Awesome, I'm Emma. And you're Charlie.

Everyone else will go back to being themselves soon, too. don't you worry.

       I'm not too sure about that. I really fricked things with Sky

       He'll get over it. He's Skyler

       Yeah, and I'm the girl who told him I liked him but wasn't the right girl for him so we had to be friends or nothing at all. And I'm pretty sure Daymien will never like me. ****AS FRIENDS****

       You are allowed to have crushes Charlie You're a teenage girl and only human. And I think he's just upset because you are. You can tell he's somebody will some pretty strong but locked up emotions. Don't worry about him, he's real interested in you, you just can't tell

       How can you?

       He keeps asking us questions about you. Never answers ours about himself though. He's so mysterious. How can you NOT love THAT?!

       I laugh, shaking my head at her. So, you and I are cool?

       Nope, we are smocking hot ;) 

       Yes you are. But you're also a freak


       But you are also MY freak

       And you are my Charlie

        Having her say that means so much to me. That's not just a name, that is my name. I am not Charlotte, never liked that name, but that is my formal name. Charlie is the name I prefer, but more than that, that is who I am now. I am not that classy girl who does everything she doesn't want to do. I own myself now and there's no going back. I wouldn't want to. No matter what.

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