What I Want

Do you know what it's like to want something so badly, with your whole entire body, as soon as you lay eyes on it? Well, that's what it was like the moment I first saw him. It was like the feeling I got when I practice my music, play around with my art, or even how it felt to help out Earth's creatures. Yes, it was like all those feelings, but better... *Parents' perfect angel pretending to be somethings she really isn't...What happens when the real her comes out? Can she keep living the classical life her parents raised her to have, or will she be chased to where there's no return?


13. Algebra


        Instead of going to lunch, I retreated into the library for the break. I wanted to avoid Skyler unill things between us died down. Staycee was pissed at me, probably for hurting her brother, and Lynzie was just quiet. Again, Emma said she would talk to them, as well as Carla. I still can't believe how cool everyone and her are. I never would have thought she would have given us a care, but she really does have a kind heart. I think, like me, she was just trying to figure out who she really was. She's changing, so she can be the her she feels she really is. And she really wasn't that bad before, she was just Trouble with a capital T. 

        I was at a table, staring hopelessly at my algebra notes, lost in thought. Someone grabs me from behind and hisses "Boo!" in my ears, jolting me like three feet into the air.

        "Dammit, Daymien!" My hand was pressed against my chest, waiting for my heart to start beating normal again.

        "What?" he smiles innocently from across the table next to me.

        I jab him with my pencil, "You're such a jerk, you know that?!"

        "Yeah..." Then he puts his arms around me, pulling me against his shoulder, looking sown at me with a sparkle in his green eyes. "But you love me."

        I turn away to hide my blushing. Yes I thought, I do love you

        "So, algebra?"

        "Yeah. I wanted to try and get some studying done so I can actually try and follow along today. But it's not going all that well."

        "Well, I'm here to help. But are you sure it's you studying and not just hiding out from your friends?"

        "A little bit of both, I guess?" I answer truthfully. "I'm just giving them their space. They'll come around. And if they don't...it just wasn't meant to be, I guess."

        "Have they ever turned their backs on you before?"

        "Terrance is a troll, and they understand that. No, this has to do with Skyler."

        "Because you like him?"

        "As a friend, yes. I've never thought of him as anything more before now, and it would be unfair for me to start liking him just because I found out he has feelings for me. Maybe there's something there, and maybe there isn't, but I'm not going to risk anything trying to find out. And as bad as this is going to sound, there's someone else I have real and strong feelings for."

        "There is?" He fights a smile, trying to be serious. "Should I be worried? You've already ruled out both Terrance and Skyler, and they're the only two guys I know of."

        "Yes, Day. You should be terrified. I know I am."



        "You did it!" Daymien exclaims as I replied to the algebraic equation he had rambled off to me.

        "That was right?" He nodes. I attack him in a side hug, excited. "Yes, I actually did algebra!"

        "You know I had faith in you, right?"

        I straighten back in my desk, blushing. The whole class was turned toward the back of the classroom, looking at us. 

        "Ignore them" Carla whispers from the other side of me. I give her a smile. Me, Daymien, Carla, and Terrance were sitting in the back of the classroom, my other friends in their normal spots at the front. They all would turn around every once in a while, wearing their own individual expressions.

        "I don't care. I'm the one being loud, but I'm excited! This lesson has been the toughest one all year. Even Skyler would get stuck on it. And I'm understanding it! And it's all thanks to you!" 

        "No, tutoring you in my honor, remember?" 

        "Sure, whatever you say, Day. Whatever you say..."

        "Alright, next question." I groan at his enthusiasm. I had gotten one question right, but the next questions were getting harder and more confusing. The bell rings and I stand up, facing him.

        "I'm going to need a lot more help." I really did. I was feeling hopeless and actually needed the help, so this isn't just a ploy to get him to hang out with me. I needed the help, he was actually helping me, and we have a test tomorrow.

        "Do you want to meet up somewhere tonight, so we can study?" He asks, walking with me to my locker. "It sounds like I can't go to your place, so..."

        "Yeah, I've always had to keep my friends a secret from my parents, because they want to to hang out with Classy people, like Terrance and Carla, who are kids from their fancy society group. Every time I want to go somewhere, I have to lie and say that I'm either hanging with Carla or going on a date with Terrance. Maybe we could meet up at the park?"

        He nodes, agreeing, but something seemed wrong. "Why did you say going on a date with Terrance instead of hanging out with him?"

        My eyes look everywhere, not focusing on any one thing. I rub the back of my neck, nervous, trying to figure out how to answer. "Because, they, umm... kind of want us to date. I mean, they think we are. They kind of, sort of, umm...plan on us, umm... marrying one day...?"

        "Oh" he says, emotionless, turning to walk away.

        "Wait" I say, putting a hand on his arm to stop him. He stills, stiff under my touch, but doesn't turn around. I move to face him. "You know it means nothing, right? Him and I, I mean. We are nothing. He can try whatever crap he wants, but I would never be with him for real. One day, we'll get out of this mess, then I'll finally be free. One chance, is all I'm asking. Just one shot to be with the person I really want to be with."

        "And why are you telling me all this?" He sounds hurt, and awe, so genuinely confused. That's so adorable!

        I pull him into a hug. He doesn't react to it, besides stiffening up even more. I slam on my tip toes to wrap my arms around his neck and whisper into his ear. "Because, you're the one I've been talking about all this time." Then I turn and simply walk away, not casting a single glance behind me.

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