March 16th, 2007
One year. 365 days have passed. 8,760 hours. 525,600 minutes. 31,536,000 seconds. Those are the exact calculations to every hour, minute, and second that have passed since Harry Clearwater died. Shit I try to con myself into believing the stuff I read at his funeral. Oh he’s just in the other room. Well truth is he isn’t. He’s fucking dead. He’s in some polished pine box, with metal handles on the sides. He’s buried beneath 6ft of dirt, and other shit that’s in the ground. He’s been covered with snow, and grass. It’s rained on him, and shined. He no longer feels anything. He doesn’t see anything. I was asked if I was coming back to see his grave today. What the hell let’s have a tea party at it. I’ve been sitting here in the sunroom for at least an hour. It’s 1:03am. Hunter crashed, he was exhausted. I slipped down here, due to the inability to sleep. I’m just going to sit here, and not have anything to write.
I woke up and crept downstairs. Leah’s journal was left open on the couch. There was no sign of her anywhere. “Leah?” I looked around. Her car was in the driveway. I shouldn’t pry, but I went back and read the journal entry. “Shit.” I scrambled out to the kitchen grabbing the phone off the stand.
“Hello?” Sue’s voice was on the other end.
“Hi, Leah with you?” I waited.
“No she’s not. Hunter what’s going on?”
I sighed, “I just woke up. She wrote a rather angry entry in her journal, and it being Harry’s anniversary.” A sigh came from the other end of the phone. “She wouldn’t do something stupid right? I just don’t know where she is. She’s not said anything.”
I waited for Sue’s response. “Hunter more than likely, she’s at his grave, or the cliffs. I will let Charlie know, and the others.”
I quickly dressed, “Alright, I’m on my way down. See you soon.” I hung up, and ran down the stairs, and hopped in my car.
When I arrived at the cemetery it was cool out. I parked near his stone with Sue, Charlie, and Seth. Curled up with her head against the stone, was my beautiful fiancé. Her tear stained cheeks broke my heart. Her body shuttered every so often from soft sobs. Her eyes were closed, her arms wrapped around her, almost like she was trying to stay warm. Maybe trying to ward off the numbness. I walked over slowly and squatted beside her, “Leah are you ok?”
She stirred, and tears started again. I looked up in Sue’s direction, and shook my head. She walked over with Charlie. Seth sat down on the ground. She opened her eyes, they were stained red. I sat down, pulling her into my lap, and just holding her. Seth moved closer to me, and held her hand. Charlie stood with Sue, and they remained quiet. After some time, we decided to leave. Leah walked like a zombie to the car. Seth hugged her, and then climbed back in the car. Sue and Charlie hugged Leah, and then left. I opened the door for Leah, and she curled up on the front seat. She was wounded, and I wasn’t sure what to do. I reached in, and put her seatbelt on for her. I walked around, and climbed in myself. I sat there and just gently stroked her hair. She dozed off while we sat there. I finally decided to head back to our house.
March 18th, 2007
A year ago I was sitting in a church, listening to everyone talking, remembering my dad. I had to get up and speak. I think I would have rather joined my dad that day in the dark place he was. My soul had died. It still existed in my body, but it wasn’t the same. I died. Ugh I just don’t have the energy to do this. I feel horrible. Hunter is trying desperately. I’ve not had an appetite. I just want to sleep. Tomorrow I return to school. I’ve ruined our whole weekend. Hunter’s just laid with me, and held me. I’ve cried so much. “Baby let’s get you into a hot bath. I will wash you up. You can get back into pajamas ok?” He helped me bath. God I’m so pathetic. I just can’t do this today. I need to sleep.
I don’t know what to do. She’s just so sad. Leah never cries. She’s spent most of the weekend in bed, or on the couch. She’s not eating, she’s just depressed. I hope we can move forward through the week. The first anniversary is always the hardest. I remember wondering what the hell? Where’d it gone so fast? She’s gone through too much to have to suffer like this. I’ve laid with her, and just held her. I had to get up, and get something to eat for myself, and get some homework done. The phone rang, and I quickly snatched it up, “Hello?”
A caring warm voice is on the other end, Esme. “Hi Hunter, I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”
I smiled just hearing her, “Hi Esme, and no you’re fine.”
I could tell she was smiling, “How is she?”
I sighed, “She’s not eaten since Thursday. She’s nibbled on some crackers, drank some water. No meals. She’s been in bed. I helped her bath. She’s sleeping now. I hope maybe as the week passes she’ll move forward.”
Esme sighed, “I can come up if you’d like? I know Sue’s busy working this week. I just don’t want to intrude on you.”
I smiled, “If you don’t mind; even if for just tonight.”
Esme was quiet, and then spoke, “I will be there soon. Bye Hunter.” She hung up. I set the phone down.
I crept upstairs to check on Leah, but she was still asleep. I stood in the doorway just watching her. She sobbed in her sleep. Her body shook every time she inhaled. Leah was a strong individual. I never saw this side of her. She was upset, and it was visible when the pregnancy test was negative. I’m not downplaying anything. Seeing this Leah was totally different to me. I just want to make her happy. God if I could bring him back, I would. Nobody deserves to feel like they caused the death of a parent. When my mom died, it was hard, but I knew she was at peace, and out of pain. I watched my mother die. She withered away. Leah, she blames herself for his heart attack. She had no way of knowing she was going to phase. I can only hope, one day she’ll come to terms with everything.
The door opened downstairs, “I’m here.” Esme’s soft voice made its way to me.
“Upstairs.” She was beside me in a second, making no noise.
She stood beside me looking in the room. “She’s been crying?”
I just nodded, “Yeah. She buried her face in the pillow so I didn’t have to hear her. I tried to console her, she was just exhausted. I’m just concerned about school, and work. I emailed Brendan, and let him know what was going.”
Esme nodded, “I will drive her, and pick her up.”
Hunter smiled softly, “Thank you so much.”
Esme placed a hand on Hunters arm, “She’s my daughter, as much as you are my son. Family sticks together. Through thick and thin.”
Hunter smiled. “I need to get some sleep. I just don’t know what to do.”
Esme smiled, “Sleep. I will be downstairs reading if you need me.”
He smiled, hugging her before retiring to bed.
It’s Wednesday, and she’s quietly sitting across from me, drinking coffee. Esme is sitting at the table with us. Leah’s still not there. The shell of her is there, but that’s all that remains. Esme sit’s with her quietly. She just waits for Leah to talk. Leah shrugs, or answers with one word. Charlie and Sue have been extremely busy with work. Carlisle is away at a convention, and the others are busy as well. I’ve planned a trip for us to Seattle this upcoming weekend. Hopefully a change of scenery will be helpful. I want my Leah back. This isn’t fare for her to suffer like this.
March 26th, 2007
Well I’m back home. What a relaxing weekend. No work or homework. Just Hunter, and I relaxing alone. Seattle was lovely. I feel really bad. This past week, I’ve been in such a funk. Just something hit me, and I couldn’t function. It was so bad, Esme had to come up. I’m trying to get back to normal. I’m now under surveillance. Just needed to be down I guess. It happened after we’d gone to the cemetery. I just couldn’t pull myself up. We walked around Seattle, and did some shopping. We did some talking as well. I don’t really have anything else to say. Sorry it’s so abrupt.
April 8th, 2007
Easter! Renesmee isn’t easily fooled. Alice tried desperately to do an Easter egg hunt for her. Renesmee heard every spot she set one down. Hunter and I, once again hosted for his family. Charlie and my mom came to dinner. Everyone got along quite nicely. Luckily everyone has gone home. Well Travis is hanging out with Hunter right now. They’ve been talking. Travis has been working on trying to find out some family history. He’s found out he has a brother from his father’s previous relationship, or a marriage. He hasn’t had the heart to tell his sister. His mom knows, but doesn’t know anymore than that. Sucks that he doesn’t know more. Life happens in ways we don’t’ understand.
July 4th, 2007
It’s so nice to just relax on the beach with Hunter. Lying in the sun, and just listening to the waves. One year of classes done. I must say, having a double course load is quite a bit of work, but it’s so worth it to be done sooner. Well time to relax. Ciao
September 13th, 2007
It’s been a year. Bella has adapted to her new life quite well. She’s working on getting a degree online. Alice is doing quite well. She’s created some amazing outfits, and her own makeup. I guess you have the ability to do all this, when you can live forever, and don’t sleep. Renesmee is growing up before our eyes. Jacob graduated finally. Seth is doing well. He’s quite private, and not phasing like he used to. When he does, Jake says he hums, Mary had a little lamb.
Well we’ve been super busy. Leah and I are working crazy schedules, volunteering, and school. She’s maintaining a great GPA of 3.4. I’m at a 3.5. She’s happy, and I’m glad. She’s Leah, relaxed, hardworking, funny, and comfortable. Family visits happen every other weekend. I’ve become excited visiting with our families. I can’t wait until Leah and I start our own. I’ve been saving up, and well I have it all set. I even designed her wedding band, and such. It’s beautiful. I chose white sapphires for when we first met, and amethyst as the other stone, since that’s when I originally asked her to marry me. I just need the perfect time. Alice has been amazing. She’s working quietly on designing everything. On the inside of our wedding bands engraved is, Imprinted Forever. That’s what we’ll be, forever.