Mid October, Hunter and Leah returned from their trip to Paris. Hunter can't seem to stop smiling. The time I spent with Sebastian and Renesmee was perfect. I feel I have grown closer to them both. Leah has begun therapy, I am there each step of the way, I hope it will at least help ease how she feels.
It’s raining outside and the house feels quiet, Fred is off working again, which in a way it's good. I could do with some quiet time. Plucking the strings of the guitar, each thrum pulls at my mind.
Standing up I dance like no-one is watching, I'm falling to pieces and I know it! Pain and suffering is natural, each step I take in the frenzy another piece of me falls to the floor, no-one can pick it up, it turns to ice and smashes, melting into the floor, I stare and watch as it fades.
I have vowed never to hurt the ones I care about, by telling them, it hurts them even more, the hiding part is not the killer, what really hurts are the burdens I carry, no-one can carry them but me, it's the way I choose to be. Sam's voice echoes in my mind,
“You don't have feelings, they died centuries ago, you have no humanity because it died long ago, you're the only one I will take down, you bring chaos in your wake, you need to be removed.”
I know he wouldn't hurt any of the others, that at least was a little comfort. “Maybe I should vanish,” clicking my fingers, “too cruel, it would hurt them too much, I'll just grind on.” I hate feelings, I cannot deal with my own, things are starting to tear me apart, my mobile rings, I carry on dancing ignoring the phone, I can't deal with anyone right now.
'My Immortal.' plays on the radio, the first line has me on my knees, a struggle ensues internally, my mind is saying I'm fine I can cope, don't fall down because no-one will pick you up, my heart tells me I am having a nervous breakdown. Tears roll down my cheeks I lean against the sofa and sob like a child, a lost broken toy, abandoned and covered in dust. Standing up I growl, the pain hits my soul like a hot knife, grabbing my keys I walk out of the door barely able to see through the constant barrage of tears. Climbing on the bike I rev the engine to the limit, I let go of the brake and I'm off, running, to find freedom, to run away from myself, anywhere but here. I continue down the road, I don't know where I'll end up, I need time to think, gather my thoughts and reapply my mask, it is slipping and once it goes, I will never be able to use it again.
I don't know how far I have gone, I don't care. There's a gas station up ahead I quickly pull in and fuel up the bike. Walking into the shop to pay I grab a coffee from the machine, I feel weary but I will hunt shortly, just need to push on.
"A lovely lookin' girl like you out on your own at this ungodly hour, how so?" The assistant asks.
"Late shift at work, need to be somewhere." I don't know where. Handing over the money I walk out drink my coffee, get back on the bike and go.
Currently I'm feeding, turning round the sun is creeping from it's slumber, no-one here but me to witness the warmth of the sun but I feel cold inside, dead I should have died back in May 1431, instead I am here getting pummeled into the ground by the weight I bare, even my soul is beginning to crack.
The darkness in my mind is seeping into my core, my being, "No, I am not having a nervous breakdown," I shout through the wind but my heart disagrees. I keep pushing forward.
Carlisle called Ara. He was waiting at a coffee shop to meet up with her. She needed to see him. She couldn't avoid her father forever.
Pulling over I whip out my mobile, "Should have left this at home, the whole point of trying to think clearly," sighing I pick up, "Hi," my voice is quiet.
My MP3 player begins playing 'Flaws' by Bastille in my other ear.
Carlisle spoke calmly, "When you're done clearing your thoughts, please meet me at Bastille's Coffee Hut."
My heart breaks, I know this must hurt him, I'm trying so hard not to hurt him, "Meet me in Blackmont, North Dakota, there's a coffee shop called Lee Lee's." I notice I am just arriving in North Dakota, "I'm sorry I keep hurting you dad." I hold back the emotion.
He spoke softly, "I'll have to fly, and get a rental. That I'll take several hours of driving. Unless I run."
Sighing, "I will turn around and be in Forks by sundown," sniffling, "I will open up once, if it gets too much I will keep quiet." That was hard to say, I can't bare opening up.
"Sweetheart, that's better then nothing. Meet me at Bastille, Seattle. Remember, "If you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all." Listen to that song, sweetheart I'm always with you. Ara I love you."
His words broke me, I am now a quivering wreck miles from home, miles from the arms of a father I would die for, I needed a hug, quickly I hug myself and then answer, my voice begins to crack, "I promise to listen to the song," wiping my eyes and climbing on my bike, "I never left, not really, I love you, much more than I could ever say dad." I fiddle with my MP3 player.
He smiled, "I'm here waiting for you sweetheart. See you soon."
"Thank you for not giving up on me," I bring the engine to life, "see you very soon dad." I hung up, revved the engine turned around and quickly got up to 180mph.
Carlisle waited quietly, reading, watching people pass by.
Hunter smiled, "Come with me." He pulled me de the couch, and we went upstairs.
It is 5pm, the sun will have set within an hour, I have just crossed the border into Washington, pushing harder I push the engine to 220mph.
Carlisle waited outside, making sure everything was safe. What had happened that possessed his daughter to run away. That was the most terrifying feeling. He may have lost one of his children.
Just as the last ray disappears I arrive in Seattle, all the hustle and bustle of a big city, parking the bike up I begin my short walk to Bastille. I keep my eyes open for any sign of my father, my nerves are catching up with me.
He sees her, and smiles walking briskly to her. "I'm glad you're alright." He hugged Ara tightly. "Please don't ever run away again." He smiles kissing her forehead.
I wrap my arms around him, "I always am, except now," he kisses my forehead and I feel the worry and anguish in that one kiss, falling to my knees, "I am a bad person," looking up into his eyes, "I am so sorry I hurt you dad."
He carefully picked her up, and wrapped an arm around her. "You're not a bad person. Ara I ran when things were tough. You, you have a family, and a fiancé who need you. Who love you. Now please talk to me. I know the element has been triggered." He carefully moved her hair, and looked at her.
I wrap an arm around him gently, "Things have piled on top of me, what Sam said when I had to meet him," I freeze, "that scares me the most."
He sighed, "I spoke with Sam. I've explained whom Vladimir is, and that you're of no threat what so ever." He smiled, "Sam has agreed that he was totally out of place saying what he has." Carlisle pulled out and envelope, "Sam wrote it himself."
I do a double take, "Hunter told you?" I don't know how to react, handing me the envelope I take a huge breath, I open the letter, his handwriting stares back at me, I read it out, "To Ara, I am so sorry as to what I said to you that night, it was completely out of order, I can see you are of no threat, please accept my sincerest apologies, Yours Sam." I sigh, "time to put that fear to rest," something in my mind clicks into place, "dad, you do realize I will always be scared of that element?"
"Actually Sam came to me. Emily laid into him. I had no idea of Hunter knowing. It scares me also sweetheart. You're safe, and won't need it." He smiled.
My eyes nearly pop out, "Hunter knew, but I swore him to secrecy, so Sam told you? Because of his imprint?" It is the first time ever I see fear flash in his eyes, "what scares me more is if it was to be used by the wrong person what devastation it would bring," sighing, "I found out something while running, if someone whispered my name into my ear I would have no choice but to obey," straightening up, "at least the element would be destroyed." I hug him tightly, I spoke about how I feel, now I feel tired and drained. I will always feel safe here in my father's arms.
He smiled, "Emily is the pack mother. She keeps everyone in line. After what your sister had been put through, Emily refused his imprint. She has always been the conscious of the pack." He rubbed her back, "Now you're truly safe. Alice saw it."
Smiling, "Ah, I see," I can feel myself beginning to fall asleep as my father rubs my back, must be the element, "I'm too tired to even make it home," instead of arguing I decide it is best not to, mumbling, "I love you dad." I'm having trouble staying awake.
"I will have Jasper get the bike. You come home with me, and rest for a few days. I have blood bags, you can have those. We have plenty in stock." He smiled. "I love you too." They headed to his car, where he helped her in, and they were on their way.
"Oh good," I say in a distant voice, "it isn't Emmett," I half laugh and I'm half asleep, "yes sir." Although I feel like I am walking, no idea, the peace of sleep is calling, again I smile upon hearing his words. I feel the drop point, sleep comes easily.
They arrived at home, and Carlisle tucked Ara into bed. "She's exhausted." Carlisle spoke softly to Esme. "Fred was panicked. He's flying home now. He's going to stay home for a bit. He wanted to start wedding plans." Carlisle smiled, "All of our kids will be married."
Rose petals are fluttering down from the sky, Leah and Hunter are sitting down eating a picnic, I look to be standing under the shade of a tree, Sebastian is running around playing, Renesmee pretends to chase him, which gets him all excited, smiling under the tree I watch them. Carlisle, Esme, all of them appear to be happy and I seem happy watching them, bliss.
My eyes flutter awake, trying to stare with blurry eyes is never easy, I begin to panic, I'm not sure where I am or how I got here, I don't have the energy to move, I lay back down and begin to doze.
Esme smiled, "You're at home with us." She stroked her hair.
The soothing sound of my mother's voice echoed dreamily in my ear, I manage to open my eyes, "I love you." I lay there half asleep smiling at my mum.
"I love you to sweetheart. Get some sleep." She tucked her in again.
My voice sounds distant, even to me, "I didn't mean to upset anyone." I gently move my head further onto the soft pillow.
"Don't worry about it. Now sleep." She kissed Ara's forehead, and sat back relaxing.
I'm not sure if I am dreaming or not, I feel like an icebox, I see Vladimir's face of triumph as he shuts the freezer door, "I'm not afraid to die you evil monster."
Esme gently spoke, "Hun you're home. It's a dream. Your dad is right here."
I think I can hear my mum's voice over the darkness of the freezer, "Why?" Even in the freezer I can somehow cry, listening carefully I can hear my heart slowing down due to the cold.
Esme gently shook her awake, "Ara wake up now!"
I feel my body shake, managing to find the gun in my pocket, I put it upto my head, "this is faster." I feel no pain, my body feels at ease. Bolting upright I find myself almost in hysterics, my left hand still in the position it was in the nightmare, my fingers making a gun shape, feeling my forehead I put my hand down and put my face in my hands.
Esme held her tightly, "Shh you're ok." She looked at Carlisle, pain showed across his face,
I sob, "I couldn't stop the fear of him, he put me in a freezer at work, but this time I was human, there was only one way out." I curl up like a baby on the bed trying to control the sobbing.
Esme hugged her, "Sweetie, Alice saw you becoming hybrid. I'm not sure why. You were happy." Carlisle wrapped a blanket around her shoulders.
Looking at them both, "Oh wonderful, I'll really feel pain," puzzled, "I can never be a hybrid, that would mean some sort of evolution." Wiping away my tears.
Carlisle smiled, "A beautiful evolution. Peace for your soul." Esme smiled, "We'll have to see."
Standing up, "I can't deal with this right now," standing at the door, "dad, I will never have peace, that much I do know." I turn and walk downstairs, outside into the woods, right now I feel torn, on the one hand being as I am now, means virtually nothing can harm me, but becoming a hybrid would mean more than just mental pain.
Renesmee popped up, linking arms with Ara, "It's not that bad. You get used to it, if it happens. You're already part hybrid aren't you?"
Smiling, "I have no idea what is going on sweet Renesmee, but I will say this much, a storm is coming," Hugging her, "I will catch you in a bit, promise." I smile and climb one of the trees, I feel exhausted, watching the sky through the branches, my eyes begin to close again.
Renesmee had her own secrets, and keeping Edward from hearing them, was getting to be difficult. Carlisle retired to his study, and read. Esme fluttered around the house, tidying up.