19. Chapter Nineteen
It was close to 9pm, we had both eaten and were sitting on the sofa, on impulse I ask, "Right I'm taking you out, you pick where and we'll go." I looked at him, "It's nine o'clock at night." Shrugging my shoulders, "Could go to a pub? Club? A walk?" I urged it out, "Your club." Standing up, "Okay then, the club it is, I warn you though, it isn't for the feint of heart." I go upstairs to change quickly. I waited, wondering if my outfit would be ok. I wore jeans, my knee high leather boots, and a tight turtle neck sweater. I put on black jeans and a midnight blue shirt, along with simple black shoes. I walked down the stairs, "You look fine, come on then miss inquizative." I nodded, and walked towards him. The club was a ten minute walk, when we arrived I opened the door for her, hell I wonder what Ara would have made of this? I stepped in quietly. The walls were painted in a deep violet purple. The smell of leather, wood, and some other scent I couldn't placed roamed down the hall. I kiss her hand softly, "Come on lovely." I held her hand as we continued walking in. Ah a familiar scent. I held his hand nervously. Voices, and music were surrounding me. Noises of cracks, and moans started benign heard. I looked up towards Carlisle. I lingered slightly behind him. His blonde hair, had a glow to it from the lighting. "We can go, if you like? There's a pub a little further down." The place gave me chills, Ara never knew this one secret. I whispered, "Is this something that you still like? Be honest with me." My mom read about this stuff. I was still a virgin to those trash harlequin romance novels. I tensed up, "Not as much as I used to be," whispering, "since meeting you, it hasn't been on my mind so much." It was the truth. I spoke calmly as I could. "You're not like that Christian guy? I don't know his name. He's in the book, with the necktie." Chuckling, "You mean Christian Grey? I used to be but no longer." I nodded. "Do you want to go in?" "That I shall leave to you hun, I don't mind either way." I smiled softly. I wanted to let him show me what he enjoyed. He still enjoyed it to a degree. "Would you watch? Or whatever it is you would do?" Swallowing hard I whisper, "Watch and take part." Would she run? I nodded, "I put you through a lot today. If you're uncomfortable with me being here, I will let you be to do as you want. I don't judge." Sighing, "Actually I'm good for going," kissing her cheek, "that idiot put you through a lot and tested my temper, don't blame yourself." I looked at him, "Who would you take part with?" I had to be honest, "Anyone who took my fancy." I feel a little hot under the collar. I nodded again. I must look like a bobble head at this point. "Lets go in. I can hang back and watch." Gesturing, "Then I shall hang back with you," whispering, "gorgeous." I smiled, and held onto his arm. "If you need to play, it's ok." God I said the word. Shrugging, "Why play the field, when I have my very own Queen on my arm." Winking, we carry on and find a relatively quiet corner. I looked around. The purple continued. This was upscale, dark, and uncharted territory. I could see the excitement in his eyes as he watched. There was a little spark in my eyes, but I didn't miss it, "Want a drink?" I looked at him, and shook my head. Standing up, "Not even a coke?" I shrugged, "I guess so." "Two cokes it is." I walk over to the bar and order two large cokes both with ice and one with lemon. Paying for them, the bartender places the drinks on the bar top, grabbing them I walk straight back to Esme, placing a coke in front of her, "Didn't know if you wanted lemon in or not." I smile and take a huge sip. I took it, and moved the straw around watching quietly. A voice, a voice all too familiar was here, I looked around, I didn't see who belonged to the voice. A sharp cry rippled out. "I said don't move. You're not listening." A males voice with a southern accent spoke. "Yes Sir." I spotted her. I swallowed. I knew she still came here, but why tonight. I hated to think of her like this. Grabbing Esme's hand, "Are you okay?" Looking over, I see Alice, that's why she feels uncomfortable, "come on, back to mine, we can have a hot chocolate and watch a DVD or something." I shook my head, "You're watching and enjoying. It's never a thought that crossed my mind. Alice has always been different." In all honesty I didn't feel too comfy, more so because Esme felt uncomfortable, I stand up, "Come on, you're not comfy, it makes me feel on edge that you don't feel comfy." I pout, if Ara ever saw me pout she would have laughed and if looks could kill. "I can sit at the bar. You can watch." I offered a smile. "You don't have to stay, come on," I pull her up gently and hold her to my chest, "my place, hot chocolate." I kiss her temple. I nodded, and held onto him. I heard her one last time, and I cringed. Out into the open air, I held onto her waist as we began walking. I held onto him tightly. I stayed quiet. I had ruined his evening. Stupid me. I wasn't the right one for him. "You haven't ruined my night," smiling, "as Ara would say, I'm turning into an old fart, mind you she was always the old fart, despite being a year younger than me." I chuckle. Damn, stupid me, I had mentioned Ara again, she didn't want or need to hear about her all the time. I smiled, "She sounds amazing. I wish I could have met her." "She would have loved you," smiling, "sure you want to hear more about her? I can zip it." "Go right ahead. I don't mind. Keeps me from horrifying you." I kiss her forehead, "I will know in time," sighing, "Ara was a complete brain box, super intelligent, she left highschool at 14, passed her exams with flying colours, went to college for a year and studied physics, biology and medical science, aced those exams," smiling, all fond memories, "managed to get on an accelerated programme in bio medical science and genetics." We had arrived at my place, opening the door I hold it open for her. I stepped in, and started to unbutton my coat. I was listening to him. This girl was beautiful, smart, and his everything. I hang my coat up and head towards the kitchen, "Trust me, she classed herself as average brains and below average looks, she never saw what others saw." I smile, "Hot chocolate?" Whispering, "she was everything, she's gone now." I nodded, and looked at him. I didn't dare move. He was up, and down like I was. Taking a deep breath, "I wish I wasn't such a rollercoaster," I chuckle, "it's ok I don't bite, that was Ara's job." I smile broadly. I smiled. "It's hard the initial shock. I still have it happen. I sold all of Amy's furniture, and clothing. I donated Scott's things. It's a lot. It happened today." I smiled softly, and looked up at him. I wrap my arms around her, "I feel lost, she was the last piece of home," sighing, "no idea what the will says," chuckling, "probably says I have to run into a lake naked." That was Ara, always up for the dares. I smirked, blushing. I met Scott through reading in a coffee shop. Daredevil wasn't so much him. His friend Edward, had that smirk when he felt mischievous. His wife Bella, she's quick tongued. "You could always rely on her to be the comic effect but she was also one of the lads," smiling stirring the hot chocolate, "not very girly, climbing trees, mountain biking, hooked on the thrill of how fast her motorbike would go, she tuned it to her liking." I hand her a hot chocolate and sit at the kitchen table. I took it, quietly following his moves. I nodded, "I was active. Running, hiking," I stopped stirring the hot coco. I smile, "Bet you looked hot when running?" Winking. I blushed a deep red. "I don't know. Shorts and a t-shirt." A devious grin spreads across my face, "Yummy." I smiled, "Now it's primarily walks everyday." Sipping my hot chocolate, "I usually go for a run." I mimick being strong strong by showing my biceps. I smiled, and watched him. He was so handsome. I couldn't believe this was real. "So, you want to know more about Ara? Or have I bored you to death?" Smiling, it was so easy to talk to Esme, if only Ara was here. I smiled, "I'm not bored. Far from it." "Makes me think she's still living," sighing, "she was 5ft 8, blue grey eyes, I remember the day she rang me to tell me she had found her calling." I smiled, because I wasn't sure to say. Here I am nodding, blushing, and lost for consoling words. I'm a disc jockey, how the hell was I at a loss for words. How old was she? My age? "It's ok to not know what to say," kissing her hand, "she was 33, she moved up the ranks in the army, she was thrilled when she made Captain, her mum died when she was 17, just before her graduation." I swallowed, looking down. If I lost my mom at that age, I don't know what I would have done. "She was mortified but carried on, she had a part time job in a shop, looked after her sick mum and did the accelerated programme," smiling, "my father did what he could, took her more under his wing." My voice broke, "My mom remarried when I was 17. Leonard threatened to take custody." I cuddle her, "I'm sorry for dragging up old memories." I felt stupid. I shook my head, "Listen how are we to learn of one another?" "That's true," sneezing, "excuse me, so anything else you'd like to tell me?" I looked at him, "Not that I'd like to, but that I should. Leaning on my elbow, "I will leave it up to you." I stirr d the coco, "Promise me, this won't make you run. Promise that if we become serious, you won't see me as fragile. You won't be afraid to touch me ok. Please, please don't think you ruined the night taking me there." Wow, wasn't expecting that, "I don't make promises I can't keep but I will do my best," kissing her cheek, "though I promise I won't run." I inhaled deeply, and looked at reaching for his hand. "When I was seventeen, my mom, and Harry went away overnight. Nothing special, Fourth of July fireworks. They had a suit on the water. They left me home, because I had no interest in going." I looked at him, "it was about 11:30 at night, and I was laying down in my room. I was tired." I swallowed and nodded, my heart began to thunder. I looked at him, "I can tell you're upset. I can't do that to you." Sighing, "You need to release it," thinking for a second, "continue, please." I wanted to know if her path ran parallel to Ara's. These two would have got on so well, he thought. I spoke softly, "I was drinking a soda. I'd left the glass on my nightstand. I woke up to some noise. I'd assumed people were celebrating on the water, and in the neighborhood. I finished the soda. I felt sleepy, and assumed I was just tired," I watched him. "When I woke up again, Charles was their with two friends. I tried to tell him to get out, but I was dizzy. He grinned, and eyed the glass. "She drank it all." His friends grinned." I had to stop, and catch my breath. My throat felt dry but I still managed to speak, "They violated you." I hung my head as a tear slid down my cheek. "He had duct tape, and started to pull off some. I couldn't seem to coordinate my body, with what I wanted it to do. Well he started pushing against me, aggressively. He used duct tape to to cover my mouth. His friends, and him took turns holding me down, and raping me repeatedly. Any way they could, they did. When I finally bit Charles, he hit me. He then bit me as hard as he could on my lip. He kept biting. The final blow came, when he knocked me unconscious." I felt my heart break and crumble, how could someone do that? I looked her in the eye, "He and his friends are monsters, I'm so sorry you had to endure that." I spoke softly, and lifted my shirt by my ribs. The scars showed their ugly selves. "That was him." My hand instinctively reached out to touch the scars, I didn't have words of comfort. I watched quietly. "You can touch them. He bit me. Clawed me. Eventually I just blacked out." I just stared at them, my hand followed the scar, then my kips pressed gently against her scars, I was trying to wipe them away and wipe away what Ara's stepfather did to her one fateful night. "He'd beaten me regularly. It's why I started cutting." I gently touched his hair. "Leonard was wrapped around his finger. He threatened to kill my parents if I told. Then I'd have nobody." Those words felt like knives, he sounded exactly like Ara's stepfather, only he left it in a note. I mumble, "I'm sorry." I kept stroking his hair. "It continued until just before I graduated. My cousin had no idea. He fell in love with her mouth, then her." I felt so safe. "My mom checks my wrist til this day. She worries since they died. I don't do it because I'm depressed, but it was to help me feel." I look up at her, "You'll always be safe with me," sighing, "you and Ara are sorry were so alike." "There's one difference, she was a fighter. I'm terrified. Courts, lawyers, money, nothing has stopped him. I'm so afraid one day, he'll beat me, and," I felt my heart stop on the thought. "He's tormented my body. The stress, and hormones haven't allowed me a normal cycle. He's damaged me. Amy was my miracle." "She may have fought back once but the consequences were to shake her," kissing her hand, "when Ara went to hear her mum's will being red, he went too, when he heard that he'd been left nothing, he stormed out, waited for her to come home," I couldn't do it to her, "I'm sure Amy was a miracle, she always will be." I let a little smile cross my face, "I do love you Esme, scars and all." Ara would be happy for me, I could hear our last conversation. I looked at him, "I considered tattoos. They said the scar tissue was thick so they couldn't," Leaning my head against her, "Ara would say never cover them up, they're proof you survived something that was meant to destroy you." I moved so I could kiss him. I kept his hand firmly planted. "Carlisle please never stop touching me, as long as we're together. That was a hard part for Scott, and I." I put my free hand up, "I swear to accept you, scars are just a part of you." I pressed my lips against hers. I felt connected with him, moving so I could be on his lap. I needed it be closes as possible. I needed this moment. I needed him. It was ok to move on with life, and now he knew part of who I was. "What else should I tell you? I began giggling, "That you love me." Sticking my tongue out. I smiled, "Carlisle I love you, but I'm falling in love with you," Picking her up I turn lights out and head upstairs wither safely in my arms, "Tonight, you're mine." I wink and open the bedroom door.