14. Chapter Fourteen
“What made you think it was ok to keep this secret Alice? Seriously?” I spun around looking at her. She shifted, and fidgeted with the ribbon around her waist. “Well?” I stood there with my hands on my hips. I’d been home from the hospital for two weeks, and finally was just getting back to myself. “I didn’t put the two together. It was when I saw him, I was shocked. What can I say, it’s a small world.” I shook my head, “Gee. Well you could have been like, “Hey Esme, I think your guy you like, well he and I hooked up before.” Alice swallowed, and I could see her crumpling. I sighed, “How many Carlisle's, let alone Carlisle Cullen’s are running around Seattle as it is?” She looked down, “Esme it was like a year and half ago, and it was one time.” I clenched my fists, “I don’t give a damn how many times it was. You should have been honest with me.” She shook her head, “You were married, and expecting your first child. Yeah I’m going to gossip. Hey guess what, I had an orgasm from some hot doctor in a bathroom. Oh did I mention it was at the club I go to? No you would have flipped on me. Told me I need to be careful. I’m too pretty, and sweet for that. Well guess what, I’m not that sweet. I like that kind of think. It’s my kink. You like to be suzy homemaker, that’s not me.” That was it, and it stung. Alice quickly covered her mouth. She whispered dropping her hand to reach out for me, “Ez,” I turned away from her walking into the kitchen. I heard a knock on the front door, then his voice. “Hello?” The door shut, and I could smell his cologne. “I need to be going.” Alice spoke softly. Carlisle looked at her. “Oh no you don’t. There’s no running off. The two of you kept this big fucking secret from me. I want answers now.” Carlisle and, Alice exchanged a glance between one another. I walked out, sipping my glass of wine I had poured. “Sit down, both of you NOW.” They both did as I said, and I sat down in a chair. “So L’un Soumis. I want answers. I thought my best friend would have been more honest with me.” I turned my eyes on Carlisle, “I would have thought I would have had more honesty from you.” Alice looked down, and fiddled with her rings. I sipped my wine, and sat back, crossing my legs. “Well the longer you two sit quietly, the more agonizing it will become for one of you, or both of you.” Carlisle cleared his throat, “I don’t talk about that often. Matter of fact, I didn’t go back after that night.” Alice remained quiet. I looked at him, “You never went back?” He shook his head, “No I chose not to. Alice flipped a switch in me, and I decided to move forward with life.” I looked at her, “You still go?” She nodded quietly, “More or less to watch when I’m lonely. I swear Esme.” I sighed, “Why didn’t either of you tell me.” Carlisle sat forward, “Well Alice has changed a bit, since I last saw her. Once she mentioned L’un Soumis, I knew it was her. I didn’t want to scare you away, or have you assume.” I shook my head, “Honesty. That’s all I’ve ever asked of anyone.” Alice remained quiet. It took me a few minutes to process all of this. Alice tucked her legs underneath her, and adjusted her dress. “So that was the only time.” Alice nodded, “There’s this guy. He’s a personal trainer. He runs the Tae Bo class at the gym. I’ve been going to all of his classes. I really like him. His name is Jasper Hale.” She perked up a little mentioning him. Carlisle smiled, “Are things calmer now? I”m sorry you didn’t have any knowledge of this sooner.” Alice didn’t usually cry, but now the tears were running down her cheeks, and she quickly untucked her legs, and hurried to my bathroom. I sighed, and finished my wine, then went to find her. I knocked softly on the bathroom door, “Alice?” She sniffled, “What?” I spoked softly to her through the door, “May I come in?” I heard her undo the lock, and it opened slightly. I slipped in, and she was hunched over the sink. Her hands were gripping onto the edge of the basin of the sink tightly. “I’m sorry I snapped at you.” She was rigid, and I could tell she was crying. This is how she looked when she was really upset. I walked over placing a hand on her shoulder. She looked up at me. “You seriously don’t know how much that hurt. I don’t blurt out my escapades. So when I didn’t tell you about Carlisle, it wasn’t for malicious manner. Yes I’m a smart ass, and quick with comebacks, but never do I kiss and tell. Jesus christ. My journal doesn’t even get the details.” She looked up at me, and her mascara had run, and her eyes were red. I hugged her, and she slowly moved hugging me back. I felt like a jerk, and didn’t know how to take back what I had done. “Listen go spend time with him. I need to hit the gym anyways.” She cleaned her face, and kissed my cheek. “You should eat something.” I was trying. She shook her head, “I will talk to you later.” She quietly left. I walked back out, and Carlisle was standing in the hallway. “You alright?” His voice was soft, and concerned. I nodded, “She’s upset, and I don’t know if she’ll talk to me now. I was so stupid.” He walked me back out to the living room, and sat me down. He sat down beside me, and looked me straight in the eye. It was like he was trying to read me. Almost like I was some instruction manual. “Spit out already. I screwed up. I’m a bitch, and a horrible friend.” He carefully held my hand, and looked down at it, “I never stated that once. I think you jumped the gun, but I can understand why. You shouldn’t hold what happened between us, against either one of us honestly. She was younger, and well playing. I won’t discuss more of her encounter with me. It’s up to her if she’d care to speak of it.” I looked at him, “So you were a what the hell do they call it. Christian Grey wanna be.” Carlisle smirked, and shook his head. His hair fell forward, and he smiled, “Was I a dominant. Well I still am to a degree. Do I hit people, for an arousal, no not at all. Do I find it fun to be in charge, well yes. That’s just part of my personality. Did I enjoy watching back then? Yes very much so. Truthfully once this whole hype started, and frankly that’s what it is; well I’m not sure what it was that changed. I guess I wanted something different in my life. I’ve been single for several years actually.” I felt this knot starting in my chest, and I knew it was a flood of emotions having a traffic jam. “Esme please speak. You’re awfully quiet.” Then it happened. I just started sobbing. Carlisle pulled me into his lap, and cradled me. “Shh relax. It’s ok. Just calm down.” I was so upset with how I reacted. I just wanted to make sure my best friend was ok. I also needed to know, I was ok. This was ok. I was ok to move forward. I wanted to know that I wasn’t dishonoring my husbands memory.