It had been about a week since the fight. Jacob was back on his feet without difficulty. I wasn’t sure how he felt about seeing me. I wanted to give him some space. She was going to be come a parasite soon enough. Just like them. Then Sam would void the treaty. I couldn’t imagine how Jacob felt knowing his best friend was going to be like them. We hadn’t talked since the fight. I hadn’t spoken to anyone really. I stayed in my room for the past week. I would slip into the bathroom to take a shower then go back to my room.
“Leah, dinners ready.” my mom would call out.
I didn’t get up to eat. I didn’t have the energy. I was so alone. The person who was my friend was now gone. If he wasn’t angry he would have called me. I knew he hated me. I hurt him in more ways than just one.
“Leah I said dinner’s ready.” my mom called again.
I ignored her.
“What is going on with her? She’s not come out of that room except to take a shower and then go back in.” my mom asked Seth.
“I don’t know. She blames herself for Jake getting hurt. It kind of was her fault. She wanted to prove she was strong enough. It back fired on her, plus Jake hasn’t called her at all.”
My mom sighed and came down the hall knocking on my door, “Leah Clearwater. I said dinner is ready. Let’s go, now please.”
I got up off the bed and opened my door.
My mom smiled, “Please come and eat dinner. No use in beating yourself up over something that’s happened. Focus on your future.”
I walked out and sat down and ate dinner. I finished up and headed to my room calling it a day. I dreamed quite a bit that night. At some point I was standing with Bella in the woods, confessing my love to her. Telling her she was making a wrong choice. Trying to convince her to choose me. Then I carefully held her face in my hands and kissed her. I woke up gagging.
The next day I called over to Billy’s house. The phone rang once,
I let out a sigh of relief. Jacob hadn’t answered, one fear down. “Uh...hi Billy. It’s Leah."
Billy’s deep voice echoed in my head, “He’s not home Leah. He took off for his spot about an hour ago.”
I felt some of the anxiety dwindle, “Ok thanks anyway.” I hung up.
I decided I needed to try and catch up with him. I needed to tell him how I felt. I got dressed and slipped out through my window. The walk up to the cliffs was quiet and rather peaceful. The waves crashed against the shore like an angry god trying to batter down the door. I could hear the voices of people below. There was a breeze that carried the smell of the salt right up to where I was. I finally got to the top of the cliffs. Jacob stood there looking off into the horizon motionless. We all knew what was going on in his head. We had phased and heard the thoughts. Mine weren't so pleasant either. Bella was really choosing Cullen over Jacob. I joined him as he stood there.
“Jacob, do you think this is going to take too much longer?” I demanded being impatient and whiney.
His teeth clenched together, “Jump off a cliff Leah.” he pointed to his feet, where he stood on the edge.
“Really kid.” I ignored him and sprawled on the ground beside him. “You have no idea how hard this is for me.” he didn’t realize how much it hurt me, to see him like this.
“For you?” he stood motionless. “You have to be the most self absorbed person alive, Leah. I’d hate to shatter the dream world you live in - the one where the sun is orbiting the place where you stand. So I won’t tell you how little I care what your problem is. Go away.”
I looked up at him, “Just look at this from my perspective for a minute, okay?” I continued pretending to have never heard what Jacob said. Then his whole mood turned, and he started laughing. “Stop snorting and pay attention.” I snapped.
“If I pretend to listen will you leave?”
I had my normal scowl already in place. “This is making me sick Jacob. Can you imagine what this feels like to me? I don’t even like Bella Swan. And you’ve got me grieving over this leech - lover like I’m in love with her too. Can you see where that might be a little confusing. I dreamed about kissing her last night! What the hell am I supposed to do with that?”
He stared off, “Do I care?”
“I can’t stand being in your head anymore! Get over her already! She’s going to marry that thing. He’s going to try and change her into one of them. Time to move on boy.”
“Shut up.” he growled.
“He’ll probably just kill her anyways.” I sneered as I spoke. “All the stories say that happens more often then not. Maybe a funeral will be better closure than a wedding. Ha.”
He closed his eyes. I watched as he fought the tremors that shook over his clenched fists. I smiled rather amused. For what purpose I’m not quite sure.
Jacob used to be my friend. “If you’re upset about gender confusion, Leah...” His eyes narrowed, as he spoke slowly emphasizing each word, “How do you think the rest of us like looking at Sam through your eyes? It’s bad enough that Emily has to deal with your fixation. She doesn’t need us guys panting after him, too.”
The pain ran through my veins. It showed across my face, like it was on a movie screen. I quickly scrambled to my feet, pausing to only spit in his direction. I ran for the trees, he laughed darkly, “You missed.”
I phased without thinking. My clothes were in pieces, probably some hanging from tree branches. I didn’t care. Jacob had turned bitter. I’m not saying he didn’t have good reason to but - I needed him. Maybe more than he ever knew. I know it was stupid of me to try and take on the newborn alone. I was trying to prove that I was a strong wolf. I always felt doubted by them. It’s like my gender automatically made me weaker. I know he had a lot going on but so did I. My house was finally insight and I ran home and phased back quietly slipping in through my window. I found a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt and threw them on. I sat down on my bed and sighed. I didn’t know how, or what to feel. I started to think of Jacob’s words and my hands started to tremble. The front door opened and I listened quietly.
“Well, I was going to make Tuna melts for lunch. That ok with you?” my mom asked someone.
I assumed she was talking to Seth. He was always on the prowl for food.
“Sounds perfect.” It was a deep males voice, but not my brothers. Charlie was over, again. He and Billy were over quite a bit. I’m not sure if they were both fighting for her love or what. I was hoping not. There was enough love triangle crap going on, that I couldn’t deal with anymore if I tried. All I knew was, nobody would replace my dad. The phone rang and my mom answered, speaking softly. Then a few minutes later,
“Leah and Seth. Head over to Emily’s house.”
I pulled myself up and walked out the front door. Not even saying goodbye. “Bye Le...”my mom stopped abruptly.
Seth kissed her on the cheek and headed out a few steps behind me. The walk was quiet, thankfully. I didn’t have anything to say. I was quite positive, you could see the rigidity of my body in space.
We finally arrived at Emily’s. The chatter inside sounded like, a bunch of guys hanging out. Embry opened the door and gave me a look. It was like an apology with his eyes. Was my face that easy to read, my body language. Seth and I quietly walked in. Paul and Jared were on either side of Sam. Emily sat by Sam’s feet leaning against his legs like a chair. That exasperated me so much. I hoped he would accidentally kick her. Quil and Seth lounged on the floor. Embry sat beside me.
“Well I know several of you know but, Jacob has taken off. Embry and Quil tried to stop him. I called them off. He’s in wolf form, plus there’s a lot going on right now.”
Jared snorted, “Yeah Bella’s becoming a leech and getting married to him. We got the memo from Jake.” Jared tapped his head.
“What she chooses to do is her choice. She’s an adult.” Emily spoke up.
“But doesn’t that void the treaty?” Paul asked.
Sam pinched the bridge of his nose,
“Ephriam made the treaty stating that they couldn’t injure a human. So if they change her the treaty is broken and we can kill them.” Quil asked.
I was a bit shocked to hear him ask something like that. Sam shook his head, “We’re in a loop hole. If they leave before they turn her, they’ve not broken the treaty.”
Embry looked up, “So what happens if or when they return? Do we welcome them with open arms?”
Sam sighed, “Again I’m not sure. This is something I’m going to speak to the elders about. I will let you all know.”
I grumbled, “Let’s throw them a freaking party. Surprise blood suckers. Welcome home. Here’s a few deer. Chow down.”
Sam looked at me, “Leah be practical.”
The way he said my name still made my heart shatter. I swallowed hard to hide the pain but it showed on my face.
“Leah are you ok? What’s wrong?” Emily asked.
“You’re what’s wrong Emily. Perfect life. Perfect house. Perfect family. Everything is perfect for you.” Then I snarled with a malicious grin, “Almost everything.” I gently touched the side of my face looking at her. A dead stare in my eyes.
Emily got to her feet and looked at me, “You did this to me.” She touched her cheek, “You got Sam so angry. We fought about you. Because he said you were crazy. I was defending you when he phased. You're technically to blame for this, but I don’t. I know it was a misunderstanding. Your just a bitch. A cold hearted person. You may be pretty on the outside, but on the inside you’re dead. I care about you. You’re my blood relative, but I hate who you’ve become. How you’ve let this imprinting process ruin who we used to be.”
I was on my feet and I looked at her before taking off out the door. The guys looked around. Emily stood there her fists clenched.
“I can’t deal with this tonight. I’m going to bed.” She walked down the hallway to the bedroom and shut the door.
“Leah has a lot of anger in her.” Sam spoke. They sat quietly. Seth decided to catch up with me.
The air was still slightly cool at night. I got back to the driveway when I thought about my dad.
“Hey you ok?” Seth tapped my shoulder.
“Yeah.” I walked inside. Charlie was still over sitting casually on the couch with my mom. I went to my room and shut the door.
“Uh, is she ok?” Charlie asked.
My mom looked up at Seth, “Do I dare ask?”
Seth shrugged, “Leah and Emily had a little heated argument. Emily said some things that, really struck Leah’s nerves. I kind of feel like she had to hear it.”
My mom sighed, “I don’t know what to do with her.”
I sat down at my desk and pulled out my journal and wrote.
What is wrong with me? Why do I have to be such a MONSTER? I was cursed to this life. Never ageing. Never changing. Never living. I will never feel whole. I will never feel like a true human being. I will always be alone. I will spend the rest of my life protecting this reservation, and for what? I don’t want this.
I left the journal open and laid down on my bed, quietly drifting off to sleep. My mom spent some time with Charlie until he left. It was rather late. She locked the door behind him, and turned off the lights on her way to bed. She stopped in my room to cover me up. She knew I didn’t need the blanket, but it was just something she did. As she turned to leave she saw my journal open, and walked over to close it. Monster stood out on the page. She sighed and left the room and went to bed herself.
A few days passed, and nothing from Jake. All we knew was that he was in Canada. He was running. Then it became weeks. The phone rang and I answered it, “Hello.”
There was an awkward silence, “Uh, hey Leah.”
My jaw clenched and my teeth clicked together, “Hello Lee...” I stopped myself. I almost called her leech lover.
“Leah I hate to call and ask but,”
I cut her off, “If I had heard from him, you’d be the last person to know. Let me tell you this. You made your bed, now you can lay in it.” I hung up.
“Who was that?” my mom called out from the kitchen.
“Wrong number.” I smirked.
Seth came in just at that moment, “What’s so funny?” he asked.
“I hung up on Bella. Let her know how I felt.”
Seth looked at me, “Why are you so mean to her?”
I thought about it for a second, “None of your business.”
I walked to my room and shut the door. The truth was, she was Sam and I was Jacob. Edward was Emily. She didn’t care who she was hurting, as long as she had one of them.