I woke up and rubbed my eyes. The sky was overcast and there was a light drizzle outside. I had a headache. “Mom are you home?” I called out. My head felt like it had hit with a sledge hammer.
“Yeah Leah what’s up?” she appeared in my doorway.
“Can I have something for a headache please. I don’t want to move.”
She nodded. “I will get you some Tylenol.” She was off and back in a matter of seconds with two white pills and a glass of water. “What happened did you wake up with it?”
I sat up nodding gently and took the pills.
“Have you had anything to eat yet?”
I was still sleepy, “No. I don’t even know what time it is.”
She looked at her watch, “It’s 10:48am. Seth is at school. Would you like me to make you something to eat?” she smiled.
“If you don’t mind I would love that.” I leaned my head against the wall.
My mom headed out to the kitchen and made something to eat for me, “Leah it’s ready.”
I pulled myself off the bed and made it to the kitchen. “Thank you.”
I sat down and started eating. My mom was sitting there looking at me. I caught her out of the corner of my eye,
I turned and looked at her. “Yeah.”
She took a deep breath and looked at me, “Are you ok?”
I didn’t know what brought this on. “Yeah why wouldn’t I be?” I set the fork down on my plate.
“Well you seem to have a lot on your mind.” she took my hands into her’s and held onto them.
I inhaled deeply, “I don’t know what to say mom.”
She looked at me, “Leah your not yourself. You started to get back into your normal routine after dad, transitioned. Since you’ve come back from Port Angeles, you’ve been acting different. I worry about you.”
I rolled my eyes though it hurt my head, “Mom there’s just a lot going on in my head right now.”
Her grip on my hands tightened a little, “Leah please Seth had mentioned you may have been in trouble before but your not now. What does that mean?”
I closed my eyes weighing the option of whether or not to tell her.
“Leah please tell me. Are you in trouble?”
I had to tell her, I took a sharp intake of breath, “Mom chill ok. Before we went to Port Angeles I was reading my journal. Well on our way there I started remembering something. There was a time Sam and I went to Port Angeles and,” I had to take a second to collect myself. “I was 3 weeks late. I called Sam and told him. Well I didn’t tell you or dad. We went to a clinic up there. The pregnancy test came back negative. I told Sam and then coincidence he disappeared for those 3 weeks after we came back. I thought he left because I wasn’t pregnant.”
I looked at my mom. Her expression was a combination of shock, hurt, fury and disappointment. “Leah, why? I thought you were more careful. You should have come to me. I know you and Sam were dating but you should have waited. You don’t just go and do that with who ever comes along.”
I just looked at her and pulled my hands back, “Excuse me. Who are you to tell me what to do with my life. What is it of your business of who I chose to lose my virginity too. I loved Sam. I thought he was the one.” I was getting angry. “You and dad lost it to each other before you were married. Matter of fact the reason you two got married so young was?” I glared at her, “You were pregnant with me. So why is it so different? I will tell you why, because I’m your daughter. Please save me the whole I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did.”
My mom looked at me with this burning anger in her eyes, “Leah your father and I loved it each other. We were engaged already. We just moved the wedding up. We had a plan.”
I shoved back from the table and started yelling, “ How do you know Sam and I didn’t have a plan-”
She cut me off, “Leah what plan? You were two high school sweethearts. You weren’t engaged.”
I clenched my fists, this was my mom, seething at her apparent ignorance wouldn't do any good “I’m done talking to you. You don’t have any idea how I feel. I thought you’d be more understanding. Geesh maybe even supportive. I was really wrong to think I could talk to you.” With that I stomped out of the kitchen, I needed to cool off but I had no-where to turn.
My mom was out of her chair, “Where do you think your going. I’m not done talking to you.”
I opened the front door walking outside, “It’s none of your business what I do SUE!” She was right on my heels,
“Leah Clearwater! You get back here right now.”
She stayed right behind me. I headed for the woods.
The growl rolled through my gritted teeth. I started to tremble and she saw it and backed up. The clothing flew through the air and scattered around the two of us into pieces.
“Leah how could you.” the pain was there in her eyes. “You phased on me. Your own mother and an elder on the tribes council. I’m so disappointed in you.”
I growled baring my teeth at her. Tears started to fill up in her eyes, “I will leave clothes for you here. I love you but not like this Leah.” she turned and walked back to the house.
I took off into the woods for some time. I ran trying to clear my head.
“Leah where are you?” Sam thoughts came through and broke my thought,
“What? I’m near my house and I’m about to phase back.”
I was back where I had exploded and I calmed down and was back to my human form. I put the clothes on and stood there waiting when Sam appeared. “Hey.”
He smiled a little. “Hello.” He cleared his throat, “You have your mom pretty upset right now. She asked if I could try and get you to come back home. So have you cooled off?”
I nodded and walked back towards the house.
Seth was just walking outside and saw me.
“Hey I will see you in a little bit. I’m going to go out for a while.” he took off down the road.
I thought that was weird. I opened the door and sitting in the living room on the couch was my mom and Billy was beside her in his wheel chair.
“Thank you Sam.” my mom smiled faintly. “Leah sit down please.” she motioned to the couch.
I sat down beside her and Sam sat beside me.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“Leah your mom called Sam and I.” Billy spoke. “She told us you phased on her. She’s an elder on the council and your mother. You need to show some more respect.”
I put my hand up, “Hold on, respect. Excuse me. I do respect her.”
Sam interjected, “Leah you phased on her. You can’t be doing that.”
I turned and looked at Sam. “If I remember correctly Emily was conveniently mauled by a bear. Sam don’t try and pretend like I don’t know. I hear your thoughts. Don’t forget that. You were angry and you phased. You mauled her face.” I gave a grin that was pure malice.
Sam was hurt and I didn’t care. I felt like it was about time he realized what pain he had caused me.
“Stop it now Leah. This isn’t who you are. I want the old Leah back.” my mom touched my arm so gently.
I turned and looked at her, “The old Leah died. Her heart was broken. She was betrayed by her own blood. Nothing will ever bring her back. You can thank those filthy blood suckers for that. Now if you don’t mind I’m done with this little pow wow. The concern is getting old. Move on because I have. Worry about Seth not me. I’m lost and there’s no coming back.” I stood up and walked to my room and grabbed my journal and returned to the living room. “Here read it. I don’t care. You want the old Leah. Here are the memories you’ll have.”
I tossed my journal on the couch and walked out the front door. I just started running and couldn’t stop.
My mom sighed and tears started streaming down her cheek, “I don’t know what to do anymore.”
Sam put an arm around her, “Sue I’m sorry.”
She wiped the tears away and picked up the journal. “I don’t want to read it. That’s not fair to her.”
Billy wheeled himself to the kitchen, “I think we all need some coffee.”
My mom stood up and put the journal on the bookcase. She joined Billy. “Sam are you having any?” she asked pulling out the cream and sugar.
Sam got up and walked out, “Sure.” he sat down at the table.
Billy wheeled himself to the table and my mom placed the cups on the table with cream and sugar. “Leah confided in me what happened. Why you went to Port Angeles before.” she pulled out a chair and sat down.
Sam sat up straight, “I’m sorry. I suggested we tell you but she would have nothing to do with the idea.”
Billy sat quietly not saying a word. “Sam I don’t blame you. I was rather harsh on her and I wasn’t being the good mom and listening.” she took a sip from her coffee.
“Sue being a parent isn’t an easy job. We don’t always do the right thing. That’s what makes us human.” Billy spoke up. They sat and talked for a while.
Meanwhile I stopped running eventually and found myself on a hidden part of the beach. I sat down on the sand and felt the tears stream down my cheeks. I was sobbing, “I’m such a jerk. I can’t believe I did that to him. Oh my god my mom. Dad I’m so sorry I’m doing this. I don’t know what’s happening to me.” I heard it in the faint distance, wind chimes. My dad was there with me listening. My hair was blowing all around and it had tangled. “I probably look like a mess.” I thought to myself. I was so tired from getting so upset. I got up and decided that I needed to see Emily
I got to her house and knocked on the door.
Emily opened it, “Leah. Oh my god what happened?” She pulled me inside.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror by her front door. My cheeks were stained by the tears and red and my hair was mess.
“What happened? Where did you come from?”
I started to cry again, “I don’t know what’s going on with me.” I let myself go and I hugged her.
She cautiously hugged me back. “What brought this on? Come sit down.” She walked me over to the couch.
“I told my mom about something that happened. She didn’t react the way I expected her too. I snapped and phased on her. I didn’t hurt her physically. I growled at her and I let her down.” we sat down.
“Well what did you tell her?” I sighed,
“Just before Sam disappeared when he first phased. Sam and I were together if you know what I mean. I thought he was the one. I had a pregnancy scare. I told my mom about it today and it didn’t go the way I expected it too.”
Emily wiped the tears off my cheek. “She said, “Leah, you don’t just go and do that with who ever comes along.” It hurt so much to hear that Emily.” I felt this pain my chest.
“Hun I’m sorry. I didn’t know that happened.” Emily sat there.
“I just took off. Sam and Billy got involved. It had nothing to do with them.”
Emily stood up, “Let me get you something to eat ok. I will be right back.”
I flop on the couch and fall asleep.
The hours passed and Billy, Sam and my mom were waiting. The door opened slowly and all eyes were on it.
“Hello I’m home.” Seth called out.
My mom sighed and everyone relaxed a little.
“Where could she have gone?” Billy asked.
“I have no idea.”my mom answered.
“What’s going on?” Seth walked over to my mom and hugged her.
“Have you seen your sister? She got angry and took off.” Sam asked.
“No. I was down at the beach and she wasn’t there.” Seth walked over to the fridge pulling out a slice of cold pizza and inhaled it.
“I can go look for her.” Sam spoke.
“Should we call the authorities and have them be on the lookout for her?” Billy asked.
“I don’t know. Sam would you look for her. Seth go with him please. I will call Emily and see if maybe, just maybe she went over there.” my mom stood up grabbing the phone.
Sam and Seth were about to head out the door. My mom called Emily,
“Hello.” Emily’s sweet voice answered.
“Hi Emily, it’s Sue. Is Leah there by any chance. We’re not sure where she is.”
Emily spoke softly, “Yeah she showed up here crying. I had no idea what happened. She’s asleep on my couch right now.”
My mom let out a sigh of relief, “She’s at Emily’s house. She fell asleep on the couch.”
Sam and Seth walked over to where my mom was standing. “Ok we’ll be over soon to pick her up. Thank you.” she hung up the phone.
“Ok we need to go get her. Sam would you come with me to pick her up? Billy, could you stay here and look after Seth for a bit?”
My mom looked at him.
“Yeah not a problem.” Billy spoke up. “I will stay here with Seth.”
My mom grabbed her keys and kissed Seth gently on the cheek, “We’ll be back.” and she and Sam were out the door and in her car on their way.
They pulled up to the house and knocked on the door and walked in. “Emily. Thank you so much.” my mom hugged Emily.
“Anytime. She’s been sleeping this whole time. If you can move her with out waking her, that would be the best.” Emily looked at Sam.
He walked over and picked me up and I stirred a little,
“Shh Leah it’s ok.” my mom spoke softly and opened the door.
They headed outside and Sam put me gently in the back of the car and they drove home. Sam carried me inside the house and laid me down on my bed and covered me up. Before he left he whispered softly, “Leah I’m sorry I ever hurt you.” he leaned down and kissed my gently on the forehead and shut the door. “She’s asleep for the night.”
My mom smiled, “Thank you again. I think we all need some sleep.”
Billy nodded and agreed,
“I will drop you off Billy on my way home. Sue I will see you later. Just call if you need anything. Goodnight.” Sam pushed Billy out to the truck.
Seth looked at my mom, “Is Leah ok?”
Mom shrugged, “I don’t know hun. She’s got a lot of anger built up. Let’s get some rest.”
They headed to bed. My mom went into her room and quietly prayed, “Lord please help me. Guide me in the right direction to help her. Help her heal. She needs to be happy again. Amen.” she changed into her pyjamas and crawled into bed and shut off the light.