2. The Toddler
I am starting to see Hermione's point. At this point, the toddler was on a leash!
Finally, the leash gave way.
Furious, the toddler laid his teeth on my neck! Finally, I pushed him away. He went flying a short distance and landed hard on the sidewalk.
"Again! Dat bites," said the toddler.
What an idiot.
That's when we reached the house.
"What an ugly door."
I opened the door. "Now let me in and hush your mouth; your mouth's an insult to the south!" the toddler said loudly.
"Well, your mouth is an insult to the world," I countered.
"I said HUSH YOUR MOUTH!!!" the toddler screamed. "Move it! On the double! Hup, hup, hup!"
He quickly laid waste to the toy room. Finally, the toys burst into flame. Luckily I could put it out before it could spread to the entire house. But I lost every single toy I've ever owned!
"Your toys are pathetic," he said. "What a--TV!"
I had him just where I wanted him!
I activated the screen. It was a game show!
"Our first section," said the announcer, "is THE TODDLER!"