It's been seven months and it's still hasn't been enough. He's packing the last few pieces of clothing he would need for the 'Take Me Home' tour when he finds it. Its old and dusty and he knows its not his because its a journal, one of those composition ones-not with the spiral bound, and really Liam only knows one person who ever used black-and-white marble composition notebooks because she hated how the spirals made the book look "unprofessional"
And the revelation kind of sent chills up his spine. And he cant breathe, Because the journal has a thin layer of dust on it, So that means that its been in his closet for a long time.
It Has to have been there for at least seven months, but he doesn't really know if he could handle that.
He kinda doesn't want to. But he sits on the floor and skims the notebook from the back of the journal until he realizes only one page is filled.
So he opens it from the beginning.
It goes like this:
(And Liam doesn't know whether to cry or laugh because the hand writing is hers.)
Seeing you smile because her hurt. It felt like someone ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it a million times. I envied her because I wanted to make you smile like that-Not her.
But then I realized. I couldn't make you smile like that. Because I'm damaged and unhappy, And unhappy people only pull people down with them- Like and anchor, you know?
And I could never do that to you Liam.
There are days when I wish I never fell in love in you, But then I see you smile- You know, then one with the crinkles at the corner of your eyes. And you make me fall for you all over again. And truth be told I don't regret it at all. If I could, I would do it all over again.
Oh Liam, My darling Liam.
You are the light of my life. And I only want you to be happy.
You gave me my little infinity while we where best friends. And for that, I am utterly grateful. So in return I'm writing you this letter. I'd explain, But I'm running out of time. Your going to be home in about thirty minutes, and if I want to be gone by the time you get here then I need to do this now. You deserve it.
(Liams heart rattled against his ribcage because he knows what happened in those thirty minutes, he knows exactly what happened and he wasn't there to stop it.)
I'm just going to ask you to do one thing, okay Li? Just do the one thing I could never do and be happy. Wake up five in the morning and watch the sun rise. Read that girly book you love so dearly, the one where he dies and she lives.
("It isn't girly." He whispered.)
Ask that one girl you've been obsessing about-- Whats her name? Oh yeah, Danielle-- to be your girlfriend.
Be happy, alright Li?
Because I was happy sometimes, like when we stayed up on Friday night to watch the moon and slept in on Saturdays.
Do what I couldn't. In ten years have three kids with your amazing smile, and a dog that chews up your shoes. Tip the street performer that made you stop and listen. Get a Tattoo. Smile at everybody you meet.
Be happy. Because thats all that matters, okay?
("You matter, Still do,")
If you eating soup with a fork makes you happy, do it- Tell Managment to screw themselves. Order pizza when your not hungry just because you can.
Be happy. You've got one shot at this life thing, Li, and I've already messed mine up but you haven't, okay? I want you to wake up in your sheets that smell like cheap laundry detergent, and I want you to smile.
That the only thing I want you to do, alright? Love yourself the way I love you. The way I couldn't love me.
And that's it. There's three blank lines an empty notebook and nothing else. And Liam doesn't want to close the book because closing the book is closing the last piece of Sophia he had left, but he gets up from the floor and tosses the journal into a luggage and continues to pack.
ELLO MY LITTLE LOVIES! SO,YOUR PROBABLY WONDERING WHY I'M USING ALL CAPS. NO? WELL IM GONNA TELL YOU ANYWAYS.
MY FRICKEN WWA CONCERT IS IN 4 DAYS. DO YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING?! CAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE MY WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD DOES.
On the other note. Lets me explain to you this chapter. So basically Sophia is his (Aka Liam) bestfriend, and she was in like deep depression and so ya... she commit suicide... Oh, And The part with the fault in our starts, You see Liam is like the soft and girly one of their friend ship. Not that Sophia wasnt soft and girly... But ya! I love you ma people! ~Ruth is fangirling and crying right now
P.s. Your probably wondering what the title means? Well It means a man who loves or is loved; male sweetheart or lover. Yep. I think it suites our little Liam. Dont ya? ;)