a hopeless student

Dyslexia - the word of my illness - the word on my life, and the word on my person. Hopeless cases according to the teachers. Idiot according to students. I was a nobody, I was a zero, I was the one that no one else wanted to be. I was just me!


9. Travel

It was almost eleven at night. I sat slumped in Jamie's couch and I was tired. I heard Jon talked about how they would celebrate Christmas this year. Anton and Simon sat more and whispered to each other about anything. I noted that all looked so calm out and everyone seemed so happy. 
"How will you celebrate Christmas this year?" Cath suddenly asked me. I blushed because I had no idea how or where. 
"With Grandma?" I replied uncertainly. She smiled at me and it was as if she was thinking.
I nodded a little bit. I assumed that my grandmother wouldn't take me to someone else, but I honestly had no idea. Cath lit up and then she looked at Jamie. 
"Can't you ask her grandma if they can be with us?" 
I was startled. What? Jamie was just as surprised as me. 
"But mom..." 
She didn't take no for an answer. Instead, she looked straight at me again. 
"We have rented a house higher up in the country and there's room for you." she said quickly. "It would be just great to get more people to get there."
Jamie just stared at her, and he seemed surprised. Then he nodded a little bit. 
"Sure, I can ask her mom, but isn't it a little..." 
She smiled and interrupted him, then she looked at me. 
"I promise it's more fun than sitting at home. You can go skiing and you can practice on the reading when the time is." 
I frowned. Okay? 
"You mean I'm going to study at the holidays?" 
She laughed. 
"No, but you can always practice?"




Grandma lit up when Jamie asked. 
"Yes, why not?" she said and smiled at me. "I still had only thought that we would be here." 
I didn't like it, but at the same time it was exciting. I had never skied before and I hadn't even had an Christmas Eve before. Jamie smiled a little bit and he seemed to have gotten used to the idea. 
"And you don't have to buy presents for everyone." he said quickly. "Mom pays the food and stands for all that cost." 
Grandma was happy. 
"I can certainly help to cook." 
He laughed. 
"Yes, and do the dishes?" he said it in a playful way and then he looked at me. "Okay, so you don't get rid of me?" 
I wanted to admit that I didn't want to get rid of him. I could spend all the time as there was with Jamie, but I couldn't tell him that. Then I crossed the line from being a student to another.




The school was almost to the end and soon it was Christmas holiday. I struggled in school and I managed to get good grades, without having written a single word on paper. The teachers thought that I was smart and many praised me. I felt it was wrong to give me praise. It was Jamie who was smart and he could read the books. I just listened.




"Don't forget warm clothes!" Jamie said to me, when the school's last day had come and I would start packing. I just smiled at him and I nodded in reply. 
"I will arrange ski for us." he continued. "I'll see that you get a wonderful school holidays." 
I just laughed. 
"What if I don't know how? I have never skied?" 
He took his arm around my shoulders and we walked towards his car. 
"I'll teach you. It's no more difficult than learning to ride a bike and once you have learned the trick, it's easy." 
I just nodded. He laughed a little bit about that I was so quiet. 
"You don't need to be nervous about the skis." 
I sighed. I wasn't nervous, but I trembled because I would spending so much time with him. 




The day we traveled!


Jamie decided that me and grandma would go with him, just to avoid having to use more cars. We filled the car with bags, presents and other things that would be with. He laughed at grandma's bag. 
"Women tend to have with more clothes?" 
She snorted. 
"I'm an old woman and I don't need so many things." 
I just smiled and I opened the door to the back seat. Direct grandma come up to me and she shook her head. 
"No, you sit there in front." 
I hesitated. 
"But ..." 
She snorted. 
"I'm old and I need space. You young get to sit in the front of the car."
Jamie gave me a knowing look. 
"And you should listen to the elderly?" 
I nodded uncertainly. I would be forced to sit next to Jamie the whole trip. It didn't feel good. 
"Come on!" giggled grandma and she slid into the car. I just sighed and I walked around and I sat in the front seat.


"Drive calmly!" 
Jamie sighed and he looked at grandma in the mirror. 
"Yes ma'am..." 
She laughed and I realized she was teasing him. He started the car and he gave me a quick glance. 
"Is she always like that?" 
I nodded mockingly. 
"You can't imagine!"


Grandma fell asleep in the backseat. I sat and looked dreamily out on the road. Jamie was quiet and it was as if we had nothing to say to each other. I wanted to say so many things, but I was too cowardly. 
"There are many mil ahead." he mumbled and looked quickly at me. "You also get to sleep if you want." 
I looked at him and I smiled weakly. 
"I'm not tired." 
He smiled. 
"Then maybe we should talk instead?" 
I nodded. 
"About what?"
He thought. It was as if he were imagination things. We hadn't been directly with each other outside of school, not in this way. 
"What about dreams?" 
I raised my eyebrows. 
He nodded quickly and I saw at him that he chose the topic with care. 
"Sara, what are your dreams?" 
I hesitated, and I wrinkled my nose. 
"I have no dreams." 
He gave me a quick glance, well-meaning, before he kept an eye on the road again. 
"Everybody has dreams." He said fast. "Everyone wants to be more and all want more." 
I thought. I looked down the road and I tried to think about my future. 
"I'm just happy if I'm learning to read." I answered honestly. "I've never had dreams."
"Do you want to have children when you're older?" 
I was startled. I looked at him again and I was thinking through the issue. Did he seriously asked me that?
"I don't know." 
He sighed teasingly. 
"What do you know?" 
That I wanted him, but I knew I shouldn't think in that way. 
"I live here and now." 
He gave me one of those eyes again. 
"So you don't want to marry a guy or educate yourself?" 
"Well, perhaps?"
He didn't give up. 
"You might see the world, then?" 
I laughed a little bit and I shook my head. 
"No, I feel no need to go around. I'm more of a home person. I'd rather have a house, a nice house with nice furniture." 
He lit up. 
"Aha, you have dreams?" 
I laughed and I blushed at the same time. 
"Yeah, maybe." I replied cheerfully. "I just know that I don't want to have children if I risk giving them such a life as I have." 
He seemed to understand me. He drove the car, but he had time to look at me, a well-meaning way. 
"You're not going to be like your mother." he whispered. "Because you're so much more."
The words came straight into my heart. He meant what he said and I was almost speechless. 
"How do you know?" 
He smiled dreamily, and he chose to only looked at the road. 
"Because you're a wonderful girl who deserves more than what you have." 
I didn't know what to say. Did he talk to me as Jamie or as my teacher? I wasn't sure. 
"Everyone deserves something more?" I whispered. He disagreed. 
"No, I wish you could see yourself in a different way and admit that you should get more of the world than what you have."
I blushed and I chose not to argue. 
"Thank you!" 
Jamie smiled and he looked dreamily out of the way. We became silent and I had a chance to digest his words. It was as if he wanted to say something more, but he chose to just stick to the facts. I couldn't help but think about him, who he was. How well did I knew Jamie? I knew many things about him, but what did he ate for breakfast? Did he like black coffee? What did he read in the evenings? I couldn't help but let my mind spinning around. Talk about that I didn't know anything about him, but what I knew, I just loved.

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