a hopeless student

Dyslexia - the word of my illness - the word on my life, and the word on my person. Hopeless cases according to the teachers. Idiot according to students. I was a nobody, I was a zero, I was the one that no one else wanted to be. I was just me!


6. The truth

Grandma came. I sat in bed and I saw her walk through the door. She had flowers with her, a little fruit and a chocolate bar. 
"Hi!" she whispered, and she nearly slipped up on the bed. I hugged her, I hugged her tightly and I felt the tears came. She tried to calm me down. She sat down on the chair beside the bed and I had to let her go. 
"How are you?" 
What do you answer that? 
"I'm certainly better than I deserve." 
She looked at me with with loving eyes and I felt almost calm. She was my grandmother and she cared. 
"I talked to the doctor." she said softly. It was as if we dodged mom and we talked about things objectively. "You will be here for a week." 
I nodded. She smiled and she put the fruit and the other things on the table next to me. 
"I've got your stuff." she said quickly. "I have decided that you will be moving to me."
I hesitated. Okay, one side of me was happy, but I had a teacher who helped me now. And somehow, I didn't want to leave Jamie because he would help me. 
"But I have school." I whispered. "Jamie has fought with me and I can't just leave him, or I mean,,, he's my best teacher." 
She drew her hand through her hair and I saw that she had more to tell. 
"You will still have his help." 
She smiled wryly and I saw that she almost blushed. It was as if she had thought of everything and she knew what needed to be done. 
"Okay, he will follow you." she said, and she looked at me. "He will change school with you and he will continue to make sure you get his help." 
I frowned. Jamie would change schools for my sake? I didn't get it together. 
"But the others who need his help?" 
She shrugged her shoulders and she looked at me carefully, 
"Olga will ensure that they get another teacher." she said. "Beloved grandchild...." she continued as she suffered with me. "There are those who care about you, and there are those who want to fight."
My stomach tingled. I realized that my life would be like everyone else. Never again would I have to beg for food or be afraid at night. 
"How is it..." 
She silenced me. 
"Let's just say that everyone cares. I have contacted social services office and I have received their approval that you stay with me. It will be all right."



Jamie brought school books to the hospital and he continued where we left off. He didn't give up and when I was tired, he fought to continue to get me to listen to him. 
"You'll get through school." he said, and he looked almost angry. I sighed, and I tried to sit up in bed. 
"I'm tired." 
He smiled mischievous. 
"Come on, I know you can handle more. Just because you are here, you don't need to play sick?"
I gave up. He knew everything, he looked at me I was just trying to trick him. 
"Why change the school?" I had this issue in my head and I had wanted to ask him for some days now. He was startled and he looked straight at me. He seemed unsure. 
"You need my help?" 
I frowned. 
"Jamie, you don't need to follow students who move, I know how the school works." 
He sighed, and it was as if he was trying to come up with a logical explanation. 
"I do!" he said, almost irritably. "Let's say that I care. It's the truth and I want to help you."
I sighed. 
"YOU have no life?" 
He smiled 
"Well I have a life?" 
I sighed. 
"No, you move to another flat just for one student and to another school because of me. When will you get a girlfriend or a family, as all normal people do?" 
He blushed. I saw that he didn't like the question. He put together the book and he gritted. 
"I'm your teacher and you shouldn't ask such personal questions." 
I was surprised over his reaction. 
"Huh?" I exclaimed. "Is it a sensitive subject?" 
He looked at me. 
"I'm your teacher and I don't need to excuse my choices in life." 
I was still curious. He was one of the few that I dared to go against. 
"Come on!" I mumbled. "You must have had a girlfriend?"
Jamie looked at me for a long time. It was as if the issue affected him and he seemed almost dream away. 
"Yes, I had a girlfriend." he whispered. I was surprised that he was so honest. He slumped down in his chair, he seemed to hesitate. "Let's say she wasn't as fond of me as I was in her." 
I must admit that I almost hated her. How couldn't she be fond of Jamie? He had everything that a guy could have, and he was more than what normal guys were. 
"So she left you?" 
He nodded. 
"She found another one." he whispered quietly. "And that was it..." 
I watched him closely. Jamie sat quietly and I saw at him that he was hurt. I tried to think of something to say. 
"I've never had a boyfriend." I got out of me and I realized that it wasn't comforting, it was more a statement of fact. 
He looked at me and he seemed not to have heard what I said. I looked down at my hands and blushed a little bit. 
"You have at least experienced what it is all about." I whispered quietly. "I haven't had a boyfriend yet and I've never even kissed a guy." 
He smiled. It was a smile that meant he didn't care about my inexperienced life. 
"You'll find a guy." He said saving. "You look good, Sarah, and you're a pretty girl." 
I shook my head quickly. 
"Don't lie to me." I looked at him. "I know what others think when they see me and believe me, they've been talking about it with me."
I couldn't decipher his face. He looked straight at me with his deep gray eyes. I noted that he almost vanished away. 
"Sara, believe me. You look great!" 
I frowned. I was close to saying something mean to him, or something in defense. The door opened and grandma came. She lit up and she greeted Jamie before she looked at me. 
"Good news!" she said, and I saw that it almost tingled in her old body. "I have seen that you get to take over my old guest room. I have decorated it to you." 
Okay, change the subject. Don't think about Jamie and listen to her. Jamie seemed just as dumb as I was and he just looked at us. 
"Okay?" I got out of me. Grandma tittered and she patted almost her hands together. 
"It's so exciting." she said, and she looked at him. "This is my dream since Sara was born. I have wanted to take care of her since she was a baby..." 
I blushed. She told him about a lot of things I didn't want to think about. How my mom didn't care about me and how she badly had treated me. Jamie seemed curious and he took in all the information.
Maybe it was good that she got to talk about everything? Still, I felt ashamed. My grandma meant well but she told me about things that only she and I knew about. It was as if she just wanted to drop everything away from her and she needed to talk. Jamie just happened to be there and he didn't mind it. Instead, it was as if the two of them didn't notice my presence. They started talking about me as if I were a third person, as if I wasn't there. 
"But come on!" I almost cried in the end. "Can't you just stop?" 
Jamie frowned and he gave me a quick glance. 
"Let the adults talk." he said, but he had a twinkle in his eye. "This is the first time I get to hear the truth?" 
I was almost angry. 
"So it's the truth you want to hear and what's the truth?" 
He was startled. 
"It just you who know that?"
I don't know what happened to me, but I just felt anger in the body. I hated to hear them talking about my boring life had been. I didn't want to talk about what had happened. 
"The truth!" I said cool and I stared at him. "My mom hit me because I had been with you. She said that I was a whore and that I just wanted to fuck you. Is that the truth you want to hear?" 
He almost fainted. His face went white and he just stared at me. My grandma didn't understand why I said that. 
"But Sara, we care?" 
I jumped down from the bed and quickly, I left the room. Couldn't they understand that I didn't want to talk? I didn't want the truth to come out like that. What had happened didn't change and I still hated my life.

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