I don't know what it would feel like, but my stuff came in to Jamie's apartment. I felt a tingle in my stomach when I pulled my chair with me, which I just loved. It didn't fit in anywhere, but I put it in the bedroom, underneath the bed. I didn't have many possessions, but for me it was as if I moved my entire life to the apartment.
"Are you okay with this?"
I nodded. I had said yes, and I hadn't done any resistance before, so why do so now.
"Is it okay if my armchair standing here?"
He smiled and he nodded a little weak. He came up to me and he hugged me lightly.
"You are more than welcome to have it there." he whispered, and it was as if he was unsure if I wanted to hear that answer. I hugged him and I was happy.
The evening came. Jamie had been shopping food, in the grocery store. He came into the hall, and he smiled at me. I sat on the couch and looked at our, or his, or both, television. I noticed that he looked amused.
"Honey." he murmured and smiled awry. "Go and change into your nightie."
He disappeared into the kitchen with grocery bags.
"Just do as I say and then you sit in the bed." he stuck his head out through the kitchen door and he smiled. "Okay?"
I giggled and I nodded a little bit. I went into the bedroom and quickly got off all my clothes. I put on my nightgown and I crawled up on my side of the bed. I heard that Jamie was doing something. It was as if he had a surprise. Right as it was, he opened the front door again. Took in something and closed it again. He appeared in the door and I was surprised when he took a television into the bedroom. He laughed and he smiled at me.
"I found a TV."
"You already have a television?"
He put it on the dresser.
"But I have no TV in the bedroom?"
"Okay?" I pondered. "So you got a TV for the bedroom?"
He nodded with satisfaction and he vanished out to retrieve tools. I sat in the quarter and looked at him when he placed the TV on the wall and he did do so that it was stuck in the wall.
"So this means?"
"That we can spend the weekends in bed?" He gave me an amused look. "Nah maybe not, but I figured we could lie in bed and just cuddle?"
He took away the tools, disappeared again. Then he came back with two bowls. One with chips and one with candy.
"And one'll cozy up when we'll cuddling in front of the television."
I giggled. He gave me the bowls and then he tore off his clothes and he lay down naked next to me in bed. He took the blanket over his hip and then he began to tune channels on the television.
"So that mean that we should be in here all the time?"
He nodded happily.
"We just need a kitchen and a bedroom," he smiled mischievous at me. "And a toilet?"
I laughed. He found all the channels and then he found a film that he wanted to see. I just smiled and enjoyed. We put the dishes between us, and then we lay and just hanging around.
"You know something?"
I woke up from the movie and I looked at him. He looked straight at me and I noticed that his gray eyes were totally harmonious.
He smiled and he ran his hand through his hair.
"I have dreamed of this moment." he whispered tenderly. "I know now that you are mine and you will sleep next to me all the time."
"Of course I'm yours?"
"You just say that to calm more." he wasn't sure. "I wish that you meant the words!"
I sat up and I moved away the bowls, then I sat down over his hip, on the quilt, and I took hold of his hands. I braided into our hands in each other and I looked into his gorgeous eyes.
"Jamie I'm yours!"
He looked at me and it was like he was thinking. I realized that he had really low self-esteem. Maybe he was more grown up against me and perhaps he even had more experience, but yet he was so unsure.
"Do you promise?"
I nodded and I smiled. Directly he pulled me down over to him, he released my hands and he quickly took his arms around me so that I couldn't take me away from him. My face landed just a few inches from his, and quickly I put my elbows on either side of his head.
"I just don't want to get hurt again." he whispered. I understood him. He let his hands slide up and down over my back and for the first time I saw an insecure Jamie as really opened up for me.
"You were really hurt when your ex-girlfriend broke up?"
He nodded and let one hand slide through my hair. His eyes caressed my face and I felt really loved.
"Promise not to hurt me, Sara."
I smiled and I nodded.
"If you promise not to hurt me?"
At last he smiled and his eyes got a little more excited.
"We must take care of each other." he said kindly. "We can't make the mistake and become adversaries or enemies. Okay?"
I nodded and I kissed him lightly. Directly, he took his hand behind my head and he made sure I continued to kiss his lovely lips.
Spring passed quickly. I passed school and actually I made several major test on my own. Jamie began more and more to help other students and he hadn't the time for me, as before. Still, I was pleased. I was proud of my own achievements and the teachers were happy with me.
"Your mom wants to meet you."
Grandma's voice sounded uncertain. I sat down on kitchen chair and I felt how my whole body shook. She stood and did the dishes. I visited her once a week just because she wouldn't feel forgotten.
"I'm not ready!" I whispered quickly. She looked at me and she understood.
"I promise her only to tell that to you."
I frowned a little bit and I frowned.
"Do you see her?"
Grandma nodded and she almost seemed unsure if she would open up to me.
"She's my daughter." she whispered a little sheepishly. "I'm still her mother."
I looked down at my hands. It was the first time I heard the tenderness in grandma's voice when she talked about mom.
"How is she?"
Grandma sighed a little resignedly.
"Fine, although it's not good." she smiled at me. "She has atleast no drugs or alcohol in the body."
I understood what she was referring to.
"But that's okay?"
"Yes it's okay."
Jamie sat by the kitchen table and went through the students' planning. I supported him and I took my arms around his neck and leaned against him.
"How's it going?"
He smiled and he quickly looked up at me.
"It's a lot." he said lightly. "Some of the students may not get ratings."
I kissed him lightly on the cheek.
"And then you come and save them?" I said the words with love and not with irony. He laughed a little bit and he nodded.
"It feels like I have got my life back." he said, almost dreamily. "Before I met you I just dried with one student at a time, but now I've got closer to fifteen."
I released him and I chose to leave him in peace. I went into the bedroom and got ready for the night. It had been a good idea to place a TV in the bedroom. I loved to curl up under the covers and just look at a crappy old movie. It was as if we got into that habit. Jamie sat with work until he got tired. Then he came and lay down beside me and we could see a movie together. It was wonderful to just get to feel his presence and I loved every second that he devoted to me.