a hopeless student

Dyslexia - the word of my illness - the word on my life, and the word on my person. Hopeless cases according to the teachers. Idiot according to students. I was a nobody, I was a zero, I was the one that no one else wanted to be. I was just me!


10. A kiss

Cath embraced us in a group hug and she was like a sun. Quickly, she helped us get in the stuff from the car and then she showed me to a bedroom. 
"This is where you sleep!" she said quickly. "Jamie sleeping in the room next to you and your grandmother some doors away." 
I nodded and I put the bag down on the floor. The room was cozy. A double bed, a dresser, two chairs at a small table and a window facing a ski slope. 
"This will be perfect." I mumbled quickly. Caht laughed happily and she hugged me lightly. 
"I know this is perfect." She said well-meaning. "Jamie has been talking so much about you and I'm just glad you're here." 
I blushed. She saw my reaction. 
"There's no point in lying." she whispered. "My son's very fond of you and I understand him." 
I just stared at her. What was she talking about? Everyone was talking about that he liked me, but I couldn't understand why that fact was so important?
"Pack up your clothes and then came down to the dining room. We'll eat in a short while."
I just nodded and I saw how she vanished away. I felt my legs were weak under me, and my stomach tingled. The only thing I saw before me was Jamie's face and his smile. Damn, I couldn't fall in love with him. I couldn't have those feelings for him. He was older than me and he could get any girl he wanted. He didn't need to have a difficult girl behind him and he didn't need me.


When I came down to the downstairs, I went through a room with a large sofa and a TV. There stood a Christmas tree there and I had to stop and just look at it. My mom had just felt that Christmas was for the rich and nothing more. I noted that there were lots of presents under the tree. It felt strange in my body and I chose to swallow. I remember only one time, I had received a package. It was for my birthday and my grandmother forced mom to buy me something. I had long since forgotten what I got, but the feeling that the package was unnecessary remained. "Spoiled kid!" she screamed at me at night. "You're fucking don't get a lot of things just because you happen to be born on a particular day. Your birthday isn't something I intend to celebrate. It's a sad day when I will think through how bad it is that I have you here."


"How are you?" 
Jamie came up behind me and I felt his arms around my body. He hugged me and I turned around to him and embraced him. 
"I just remembered." 
I noticed that tears ran down my cheeks. He released me and he looked anxiously into my eyes. 
I wiped away the tears and I looked at the tree again. 
"It's beautiful!" I whispered uncertainly. "I haven't seen such a beautiful Christmas tree before." 
He seemed to hesitate. He raised his eyebrows and it was as if he had to think of one extra time. 
"It looks like a regular Christmas tree?" he said in surprise. "It depends on how you look at it, but okay, it's okay."
"Mom hated Christmas." I continued. I looked at the presents and I saw in front of me all the dark days I had sat and watched on TV, how others celebrated the weekend. 
"Did she?" 
I nodded dull. 
"She felt that it's the state's way of tricking us money and it's only the rich people who buy Christmas presents and such crap." 
He took his arm around my shoulder and it was as if he understood. 
"She was wrong, your mom." he said kindly. "This is the weekend when you are with those you love."
I didn't hear the last word as he said, not until we came into the kitchen and I realized what he had said. "With those you love!" I felt my stomach tingled and I wondered if he meant it literally? I hesitated to ask him and I gulped down my questions. 
"We're going to eat!" 
I noticed that everyone gathered around the dining table. Jon showed me to come. I obeyed, but I was totally gone in the head. It was as if I sat down at a table, but it wasn't me. I was somewhere else, and this wasn't my life. 
"Dig in now!" exclaimed Cath and she laughed. Jamie sat on the other side of the table and I saw that he looked at me, many times. It tingled in body and my stomach was like a roller coaster. My legs were weak and I was tired in the whole body. Still, I managed to smile and I managed to put food on my plate.


"We should do this more often!" I heard Grandma say cheerfully. "It was a long time since I left the city behind me." 
I looked up at her and I realized she was right. She had always been at home and she had rarely been on trips. Why? She was worth so much more because she was my grandma and a wonderful person. 
"You are welcome." said Jon quickly. "We can always squeeze in weekends in the spring and maybe take you two on a trip?" 
Grandma liked it. I looked at Jamie. He sat and picked at the food, then he met my gaze. It was like time stopped. I couldn't drop his eyes and I couldn't stop staring at him. What was I doing and why was he staring at me? I swallowed, and I tore my eyes away from him. I looked down at the food and I felt my cheeks were hot. Damn, I was in love with him.




Andy, Jamie's brother, stood long time beside me and he had patience.
"You have to dare to go."
I looked down on the skis and poles. I stood at the top of a hill and I looked down at all that went down.
"It's high?"
He laughed.
"Come on and dare!"
I looked at him and I frowned.
"You can't make me!"
Without giving me consideration, he pushed me easily and I started to go downhill. Okay I couldn't ski, but god what a feeling appeared. I picked up speed and before I knew it, I was down. I stood below the hill and I didn't understand what had happened.
"I told you it would go well?"
Andy came after me, and he laughed aloud. I blushed and I found that even I was happy.
"But I just went straight down?" 
He agreed. 
"And now I'll teach you to go downhill skiing on the slopes." 
"No you're not!" 
We both startled and I saw Jamie come towards us. "It's my turn to take care of her." 
Andy blushed and he nodded a little bit. He backed off a little. 
"I just got her to dare." 
Jamie laughed and he stood beside me. He looked down with satisfaction at my skis and all the way up my clothes until he looked into my eyes. 
"Are you ready to learn?" 
I smiled and I nodded. 
"Certainly, Mr. Teacher!"
He smiled and he went before me against the children's slope. Andy sighed and he went away to a larger slope.


"Okay the basics!" Jamie said happily. He stood next to me. "Bend your knees a little bit." 
I obeyed him and I felt my stomach tingled. I would learn to ski. He looked pleased and his eyes sparkled. 
"When you go foreward, try to move to the right and then left., Do it slowly and just think happy thoughts." 
I laughed. 
"Are you Peter Pan or something?" 
He laughed and quickly he changed topic. 
"Forward, slowly!" 
I obeyed him. I went to the left, right, left, or right. Talking about that, I really could!


We put ourselves finally on the hill, where Andy had gotten me to go downhill. Jamie was quiet and he made ​​sure I listened to everything he said. 
"If you lose control, sit down backwards." 
I nodded quickly and I felt butterflies in my stomach. Hill felt much higher now, and I looked down towards the end of it. 
"Think about what you're doing." he mumbled on. "And then you do it."
I nodded and I felt myself slowly slid down. I tried to swing and I managed a few times to do as I would. Right as it was, I lost control and I went straight into the forest, next to the slopes, with full speed. I was so scared that I just laughed and once I sat down, I roared with laughter. Jamie came anxiously after and he didn't seem nearly as amused as I was. 
"You should sit down?" 
I laughed and I realized that he thought I had hurt myself. 
"I know ..." I giggled high. "But............ it was so............. difficult." 
He smiled and he saw that I hadn't harmed myself. He sat down beside me amused. 
"You're weird."
I nodded and I remained down on my back. I laughed a bit before I tried to calm myself. 
"It was actually fun!" 
He smiled and I saw at him that he wasn't angry at me. 
"I saw it!" he said softly. "You laughed so loud that everyone heard you." 
I blushed. 
He looked straight into my eyes and then it happened again. That feeling, that look, those deep breaths. My stomach tingled and my cheeks became hot. Jamie had the same reaction. He sat and he just looked at me, in my eyes. 
"Stop it Sara!" he mumbled quickly and it was as if he was mad at me. 
"With what?" 
He swallowed. 
"By looking at me like that." 
I frowned. 
"In what way?" 
He hesitated. 
"You are playing with my emotions when you look at me. You make me wanna...." He paused, and he seemed to collect himself. "So should we ski again?"
Damn, what was it that he wanted to say? I was angry at him and I was angry at myself. Quickly, I stood up. 
"Sure!" I hissed and I felt the anger took over. Why was it so wrong to feel that way for him? We hadn't done anything and we didn't sit down and making out, although I wanted it. 
I looked at him. He stood like a wounded deer, and he looked at me with doubtful eyes. 
"What?" came the cold out of my mouth. He hesitated and then he did it. It happened quickly. It went on for a moment. He took off his skis and he threw himself over me. Our lips met and I felt he took over my whole existence. He took his arms tightly around me and he pushed me up against him. I let him kiss me and I responded to the kiss. I took my arms around his neck and I enjoyed. Damn, it was more wonderful compared to what I had dreamed about. I loved it even when his tongue slipped between my lips. It was like it was meant to happen and I didn't want to stop.

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