Castiel woke up in the motel bed that he and Dean shared, his head thumping in his skull.
He sat up quickly, hoping he had been drunk and dreamed Dean had gotten hurt. He looked around frantically, calling for Dean but he tripped over his own feet and fell straight onto the hard floor.
It wasn't a dream, Cas knew that from the minute he woke up.
"Dean!" Cas sobbed helplessly into the floor.
"Come back to me." He whimpered.
After an hour and a half of sobbing and lying in the same place, he finally willed himself to crawl into the bed again.
He rolled over to Dean's side of the bed, his pillow still had his perfect scent on it. He held the pillow tightly,
Castiel had never felt such longing for someone so far from him.
He'd never felt more alone.
A knock on the bedroom door startled Castiel before he shouted
Cas knew it was Sam even before his long hair swished through the door. He was the only one who knew where they were staying- and he had a key.
"Cas?" Sam asked quietly, his voice hoarse from sobbing.
"Go away, Sam." Castiel sniffed.
"No. I'm worried about you, Cas. I'm not going away. Dean's in a coma and that means that we have to stay strong and stay together until he wakes up."
"If he wakes up." Cas added in a whisper.
"He will wake up." Sam said confidently, walking over to the other man, still curled up on Dean's side of the small bed.
"But what if he doesn't, Sam? What happens then?" He said, his voice thick. "I couldn't live without Dean. I just couldn't."
"He will. We know Dean and you and I both know that he's a fighter. It'll all be okay. He'll wake up. I promise."
He patted Cas' back lightly before leaving him alone to get some food.
Castiel was still in the same place when Sam returned. He couldn't bring himself to move.
He had slept for a while but kept waking up. Nightmares were filling his head: Dean not waking up. His life without Dean. Crying at Dean's funeral. Only to wake up to a just as bad reality.
But he had to carry on. He couldn't let his sadness consume him. He could already feel it sweeping over him, like the tide coming into shore.
He wouldn't let it consume him and take him away from Dean. He couldn't let it.
"Hey, Cas?" Sam knocked on the bathroom door the next morning.
"Yeah?" Castiel shouted through the door. He had hardly slept but it wasn't a bad thing, he was going to see Dean with Sam and he was kind of excited.
"C'mere for a minute."
"Okay?" Cas said before brushing his teeth and stepping out of the room to see Sam standing awkwardly.
"What is it?" He asked, suddenly curious.
"I. Uh. Have this for you." Sam held out a letter addressed to Cas.
Castiel frowned at the paper, it was definitely written in Dean's handwriting.
He carefully opened the envelope as Sam left after saying he'd wait in the car. He wasn't sure why though.
"Dear My Cas." He read out loud.
"If Sam's done what I told him to do, then you should only be reading this if I've been hurt badly.
I know you're probably upset and well, you might even be mad.
But I wrote this to tell you that it's okay. Everything's going to be fine. Even if I'm not okay I still want you to carry on with your life.
Don't forget about me but try and carry on.
I love you.
A tear slid down Cas' cheek before he let out a strangled sob. Did Sam give this to him because he thought Dean wasn't going to wake up?
Castiel had just sorted out his head and now it's a dark mess again.
He screamed out loud, letting out a of his feelings in that one loud gesture.
Was he going to get Dean back or did he have to carry on like the letter said?
He banged his head against the wall, hoping it would sort everything out in his mind. But of course, it didn't.
He couldn't run away from this.
He took several deep breaths before he realised that tears were still streaming down his cheeks.
"Damn it." He muttered, seeing his top stained with the trails of his tears.
After he had changed, he sat at the tiny motel table with the letter in his hands.
He refused to accept that Dean might not wake up. He took a match from his duffle bag and lit it.
"Wake up, Dean. I love you. " He whispered before touching the top of the flame on the match to a corner of the paper. He watched as it burnt up into ashes.
"I love you." He said louder before joining Sam in the Impala, not saying a word to each other until they reach the hospital.