So Long and Goodnight

Supernatural Destiel AU where Castiel isn't an angel anymore and is in love with Dean. Punk!Cas Nerd!Dean


12. And like the blade you stain

**3 months later**

Castiel opened his eyes groggily and rubbed them. He sat up slowly and looked around at where he was, everything was blurry and he couldn't think as there was a prominent thumping in his skull.

When his eyes had focussed he looked around properly. He first looked down and saw he was in a bright blue jumper and boxers. He frowned as the blue would've clashed with his hair but he didn't think about it too much.

He was laying in a heap of blankets on the floor in his flat- he must've passed out.

After leaving Dean still in the coma, Cas had started a new life in Vancouver. But it wasn't the fresh start he wanted.

He couldn't get a real job as employers didn't think he was 'suitable' so he was stuck working in a gas station, finding a place to stay was hard at the beginning and he was now only living in a two room flat. It wasn't much but it was home.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes, looking around. There was bottles of wine all over the floor and food wrappers everywhere.

Oh right. He had heard the voices again last night.

Ever since he left Sam and Dean he had been hearing voices in his head. They constantly screamed at him, telling him how worthless he was and how pathetic he was to have left Dean. Alcohol was the only way the voices would go away.

He wished they would leave- but they wouldn't.

He choked back a sob as the voices started again.

It was Dean's voice telling him that he needed Cas to be there for him.

Cas put his head between his knees and breathed deeply like his therapist told him to.

When the voices had quieted he got up to change, checking the clock- 4pm.

Once he had cleared all of the mess away and changed into sweat pants and a Misfits t-shirt, he was about to sit down on the little couch when there was a knock on the door.

He frowned as he never usual had visitors. The only person who came to see him was the landlord to collect the rent at midday and it was 7pm.

He slowly walked towards the door and looked through the peep hole. He was shocked by the face greeting him but smiled as he opened the door.

It was Bobby.

"Hey Bobby!" Cas said with a small smile. "What're you doing here?"

"Cas," Bobby nodded at him with a strained expression. "Uh. Well, you might wanna sit down."

"Okay?" He replied, sitting down at the little, unsteady table and pulling up a chair for Bobby.

"Well, it's Dean." Bobby said with a plain expression.

"What? What's happen?" Said Cas, sitting up straight.

"He woke up about a month ago." He said, making Castiel sigh in relief.

"But. He misses you, Cas. He won't admit it but he does. He has bad nightmares- Wakes up screaming your name. Damn well worries the hell outta me and Sam. He's not doing so good without you. He seems lifeless, everyday he does the same thing. Nothing more nothing less than what he did the day before, like he's stuck in a routine." Bobby said with a pained look on his face.

Castiel felt his eyes begin to prickle and a lump in his throat. He knew the exact feeling Dean had as that was life for him without Dean.

"You have to come back. For Dean's sake." He said.

"I can't, Bobby. You don't understand. I just can't." Cas said quietly.

"Don't think I don't understand, Cas. I know Dean. I know what's best for him. And that's you."

"I think you should leave, Bobby." He said to the older man, trying to keep the sadness out of his voice.

"Cas I think-" Bobby began.


"Okay, fine. I'll leave. But just think about Dean." He said before getting up and leaving without another word.

Castiel slammed his head onto the table hard, making his head throb. He couldn't face Dean after what he did. Dean would never forgive him, would he? The thoughts running through Cas' head was too much for him. He banged his head on the table again, pretty sure it had began to bleed but he didn't care.

He had cuts and bruises all over his body from broken bottles, drunken rages and some that he didn't want to remember how they happened.

However, thinking hard made the voices quieter. So before they got bad again Cas decided to go to bed and sleep on things.

He lie down on the cold mattress and huddled into the sheets. He huffed once and let out a strangled cry, a single tear running down his cheek. He squeezed his eyes shut and willed himself to fall asleep.

His last thought being, "I'm going back to him."

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