“Welcome to the land of Inappropriate Fanfiction.”
A high pitched shriek emanated from one of the other cells as Tia fainted. The fog lifted some, and despite the low light, it was plain to see that Chloe had gone pale and Raven had puked.
“N-not inappropriate fanfiction!” Jess stammered. Paul and Myrah were the only ones who didn’t seem ready to vomit, but were instead gripping the bars in anger, eager for a fight.
“Get out of Rod!” Myrah shouted.
“UGH,” Prodigy groaned, banging her head against the bars. “Why’s it always him? WHY AM I ALWAYS STUCK WITH HIM?”
Jess pointed out, “I’m pretty sure this is the first time we’ve been stuck anywhere.”
“But really, it’s a shame he wasn’t with Raven, because then I could make a joke,” she continued.
“I suppose I could always just make a Prodrig-”
Jess grinned. Prodigy glared. Both had forgotten about the fact that Rod was currently being inhabited by some sort of nefarious force. Rod opened his mouth once more to speak, and, not for the first time, Prodigy had the desire to duct tape it shut.
“If you have finished bickering, I will continue. This is the land of Inappropriate Fanfiction. We would like to be admitted as a genre, and have been told that you are all in touch with Eva, the master of this universe.”
“Who told you that?” Myrah demanded.
Rod looked at her. “We have our sources and our prisoners. Which one would you like to be?”
There was a temporary silence.
“You will tell her that we deserve our own genre, and will make sure it happens,” Rod continued in that freaky monotone.
“We will?” Paul asked skeptically. “That’s doubtful.”
Rod smiled, but it wasn’t one of his I-just-told-a-hilarious-fish-joke smiles. It was one of his I-want-to-burn-you-to-a-crisp-but-that’d-be-socially-unacceptable-so-I’ll-cover-it-with-this-strained-and-creepy-smile smiles. “Oh, you will.”
“What’ll you do to make us?”
“We won’t just make you recommend our stories. We’ll make you READ them,” Rod said.
With another cry, Tia fainted again. Paul’s jaw hardened. “Do your worst. We’ll have some biting CC ready.”
Rod straightened. “You will have two hours to decide your course of action. From there on out, if you refuse to co-operate, WE choose the stories.”
Suddenly, he went limp, the very energy drained out of him. Rod collapsed against the bars, lifeless. Prodigy looked at him.
“Um, aren’t you going to check and see if he’s, you know, still alive?” Chloe asked.
Prodigy sighed. “I wasn’t planning on it, but I guess.” She grabbed his wrist and took his pulse.
“Aw, look, Prodigy and Rod are holding hands!” Raven giggled.
“RAVEN I WILL MURDER YOU WITH A BLUNT AXE.”
“Woah, defensive much?” Jess asked.
“No,” Prodigy grumbled. “I just think Raven’s jealous that I’m over here and she’s not.”
Raven’s face went bright red. Rod stirred, waking up. “Wh-what’s going on?”
“You’ve got two girls fighting over you,” Paul supplied helpfully.
“We are NOT fighting over him,” Prodigy snapped.
Paul shrugged. Raven looked thoughtful and said, “Well we were literally fighting OVER him, since he was on the ground between us and we were yelling over, but we were by no means fighting over him. So we were just fighting OVER him, not over him.”
Being that this was speech and Prodigy couldn’t see the differentiation of “OVER” and “over”, she just blinked. “Well I don’t want him, so you can have him, Raven. Crisis averted.”
Rod simply looked bemused. “I kinda meant what’s going on that we’re in cages and I’m stuck with Prodigiant of all people.”
Myrah supplied, “We’re in the land of Inappropriate Fanfiction. You were just inhabited as their spokesperson. It was a little creepy. I had the urge to punch you in the face, I’m sorry.”
“I had the urge to duct tape your mouth shut,” Prodigy grumbled.
At this, Rod looked appalled. “What? Stopping me from talking is completely unacceptable, Prodigiant.”
Prodigy rolled her eyes. Tia came to again and looked around blearily. “Hey, where’s Ahlaam?”
It figured that the one person who spent most of this time unconscious would be the only one observant enough to notice that one of their party was missing.
“Maybe she escaped,” Chloe said hopefully.
As if it were a sign from the upper sky regions, a bird came swooping down towards the cages, making a sound like a cross between a sparrowy sound and an owl’s hoot.
“What is that?” Jess asked.
“It’s a sparrow,” Prodigy muttered.
“No, it’s an owl,” Paul corrected.
Rod started. “Hey, I have an idea. If Raven can turn int-”
“You’re both wrong,” Raven said to Paul and Prodigy, interrupting and ignoring Rod. “I’m the bird expert, aren’t I? And that, my friends, is a spowl.”
There was silence as everyone took in that dramatic and weighted statement.
“You just made that word up,” Prodigy accused flatly. Paul nodded in agreement.
“No, really!” Raven protested. “They’re like super magestic hybri-”
The spowl crashed into the bars of Tia and Chloe’s cage, spiraling to the ground. Tia gathered it up gently as Prodigy gave Raven a look. Raven shrugged. “Hey, you can be majestic and clumsy.”
The spowl grew in Tia’s hands until it had transformed to a girl, now pinning Tia to the ground.
“Ow. You’re on my hands,” she said.
“Oh, right. Sorry,” the spowl said, getting up in the now cramped cell. “Hi! I’m Sparrow.”
“See?” Prodigy asked Raven smugly.
“I’m a Spowl.”
Raven shot Prodigy a superior look. She scowled.
“Anyway, I’ve got a message from Ahlaam Nightshade. She told me if I delivered it, she wouldn’t shoot me down and eat me,” Sparrow prattled. “She says that the Nightshades are on their way to rescue you, but she needs Raven to change into a raven to help.”
“Oh, that’s smart. How come we didn’t think of that?” Raven asked. Everyone simply looked at each other.
“I was trying to sugges-” Rod started.
“Oh, well, it’s a good thing Ahlaam suggested it or else we never would’ve thought about it,” Raven said with a shrug.
“I AM THE FISH GOD, I WILL NOT BE IGNORED,” Rod shouted.
“Good for you, Rod,” Prodigy said absently.
Rod glared. Raven transformed into a raven and took off after Sparrow, flying off into the distance. Now all they had to do was wait. Prodigy looked over at Rod who was still glaring, obviously trying to come up with some terrible insult or way to burn her. She sighed.
“YOU’LL REGRET NOT RESPECTING ME, fishykins!”
Prodigy cringed at the terrible new nickname. “Fishykins?”
“How did you know there was a capital?”
“I could hear it in your voice.”
“You can’t hear capitals.”
“Maybe you can’t. I’m a god.”
Prodigy sighed again. It was going to be a long two hours.