''I will miss you, Kate. But no matter what happens, I'll be with you. Our love is stronger then our distance. We'll be okay... I love you, babe.'' I started crying while he said the sweet words looking straight into my eyes. I looked back at him, at his soft brown eyes. ''I love you to, Ryan.'' Was all I could say to him before I broke down into tears. I will do anything to keep him loving me. He's the first one who ever did, so I guess I just didn't want to lose him. Our love is strong, we will make it.
||| Ever since I was a little girl I was very shy and quiet. It didn't make me popular, I was a easy bully target. Bailey, my sister, was my best and only friend back then. People thought we had anorexia, but actually we just didn't have any money. My mom was guilty for that. She was selfish, my dad to... Not selfish. He would seriously want to give her the whole world, if he could. He was a good man. |||
A man and a woman. The man's voice is sweet, low and soft. The woman's voice though, is cold as ice. They are fighting. I'm under hiding under my bed. I'm scared. I'm hungry. Ryan left today, I miss him. I came home to late and I was send to my room without dinner. I don't get it. I don't understand her. How can she still say: 'I love you'. Bailey saved some food for me though. We always do that for each other. We take care for each other. I wish I could take care for dad too...
''I'm sorry, darling. I'm so so-''
''I don't care how sorry you are. It's your fault we can't pay our bills! You don't work hard enough!'' She interrupted him.
''I didn't mean to disappoint you, darling. You kno-''
''SHUT UP! Just make sure that I can buy my own cloths and go on a vacation, so I don't have to be WITH YOU!'' The woman yelled razing her voice. ''Go beg for money, play music on the street. Get a third job. I DONT CARE!''
''Enough. Enough, Lucy.'' He said with obvious annoyance in his voice. ''ENOUGH!'' Okey, so it's the man's time to yell, I guess. ''I'M STARVING! THE KIDS ARE STARVING! AND YOU WANT TO GO ON A FUCKING VACATION?! we don't. Have. The. MONEY!'' I just know he must regret this.
''Go, go away. I don't care where! You don't deserve me. GO!''
I hear him walking up the stairs. I'm crawling under my bed away and notice that Bailey is already sitting on her bed (we share a room, so). He sat next to me, facing Bailey, when she said: ''where are you going? Please take us with you, I don't want to stay with that which.''
I saw how he looked. Coward. He is a coward.
''Oh, Bailey...'' He had tears in his eyes and I knew that this was the last time that I would see him.
The next morning he was gone.
''Hey! Hey, Kate!'' It took me a few seconds before recognizing the deep soft voice. I stopped walking and turned around looking at a guy at least 6 tall. He was good looking. Brown hair, a bit curly, with blue eyes. I slimed at him.
''Hey. Man, you walk fast. Are you in a hurry?'' He said smiling back at me.
''Oh n-no. I was heading towards the cafeteria. I'm hungry, haha.'' Fuck what was I doing? Ryan said that I had to wait for him to come home. Well, it it wouldn't matter to just be friends.
''Haha, yeah me too. Can I come sit with you?'' I was drowning in his perfect blue eyes, I had to rip my eyes away from his to just answer the question.
''Well if you don't mind sitting at a table with 3 other girls that don't know the definition of silent. Yeah, sure.'' He laughed at the fact that it was totally true. Anna, Dani and Nicole are my best friends. They didn't need alcohol to be crazy. They are the exact opposites of normal and I loved them for that reason.
Dani: Kate!!! Who's that super cute boy walking next to you?! You guys aren't not close enough. Can't see his face!!!😍😏😁
Me: Dani, you already have a bf. He's my partner science. You know. Brian.
Dani: Wooooow, THE Brian. Hottie Brian. OMG! You lucky bitch!😱😱😅😜😍
I stopped texting realizing that Brian was awkwardly looking around as we just stood still in the middle of the hallway.
''I'm sorry.'' I looked at him putting my phone away.
''Its okey. With your friends I wouldn't dare to ignore them.'' He smiled at me again causing butterflies.
''Hey-uuhm, do you want to, I don't know, see a movie or something?'' He said nervously looking down at his shoes.
''After school? Or-''
''No, I mean like now.'' Cutting me of and suddenly looking in my eyes with way more confedent than before. What? Why would he ask me out? I'm stupid. Ugly. Not good enough. But what reason to say no? Other then my mom giving me hitting again. My leg was still healing from a few days earlier when she hit me with a vase. I had to clean everything up with my bleeding leg.
''Uhm...'' I looked around for no good reason. ''Y-yeah, sure. I mean, seems fun.'' It's okey to be friends. I'll wait for you Ryan.
The door closed just a bit to loud making me shrink. I hope I didn't wake them. After the movie we went somewhere to eat and there was an festival, so it ended up being 11 PM. With him time went by like leafs falling from a tree. Slow. Not in the way like: 'gosh, you're so boring!' but more like: 'I want to stay with you forever'. In a weird way time also went by fast, but in that short time I knew almost everything about him. And he knew almost everything about me, it was as we were just old friends seeing each other again after a long time.
''Where were you all day?!'' I did wake them. Shit.
''I was at the movies, uncle Dan.'' I said looking down at my shoes. So stupid. Just a few days after dad left our mom was dating this guy named Daniel. The stupid part is that we have to call him uncle Dan. He was a disgusting man and still is.
''Is that why you missed a whole day of school AND coming home at 11 PM?!!'' He was pushing me against the closed front door. He was really close, making me turn my head away from his awful breath.
''I'm sorry, uncle Dan.''
''No you're not. But let me chance that.'' He started punching me, in my face, in my stomach. The next morning I woke up on the hallway flour, with so many bruises that I could barely stand up straight.
''Bailey, when is mom coming home?! Ryan is coming back from Sydney, so Anna , Dani, Nicole, Brian and Aron are giving a party for him and my 18th birthday!'' I felt like screaming, I was so glad that I would see him again after 2 years. We are meant to be together.
''Seriously? Can I come?'' She said with a big smile.
''Well, we have to ask the which first. That's why I asked you when is she coming home?''
That's when the door slammed shut and I looked right in her face. This was not good. She had this cold look on her face again and her voice sounded just like when she was yelling towards dad.
''You're not going to Ryan. Men are worthless, you're not getting back with him. I mean he left you to, right?'' Somewhere, if you look very closely, she had a smile on her face. This cruel smile knowing she had the power to stop me from seeing Ryan.
''No, I'm going, i-if you like it or not.'' My voice was shaking, I was scared again. How can you bring someone down so easily. You're own child for god sake!
''NO, YOU'RE NOT!'' I immediately shrunk from her yelling, but I wanted to be with him. I wanted Ryan not her. Ryan loves me and after fucking 18 years I realize that she doesn't. Or is it just me?
''I AM GOING!'' I yelled back, straightening my back and raising my head a bit. I have to win this time, I don't want to be a coward like dad.
''CHOOSE. CHOOSE! Are you going to stay with him or do you want to stay in contact with your mother? If you are so grown up why don't you go live on your own?!''
"What?" Shit. Shit shit shit. I couldn't be a winner. There is no winner. Was she throwing me on the street?! No. Bailey, I don't want to lose her to.
"Oh, you heard me. Are you choosing Ryan or me?"
She's insane, what the fuck is wrong with her? I'm her child, why would she let me choose between my own mother or my boyfriend? This was when I realized that she didn't love me. She never did. Dad did love me, he didn't have a choice. I choose for Ryan, but I didn't want to say it out loud. Cause if I would do that I would leave Bailey alone. Fuck.
"i choose ryan..." I almost whispered. I had tears in my eyes, this is how dad felt. Dad...
Her reaction was scary, but I didn't felt anything anymore. I just wanted to cry but at the same time not. I have to be strong for Bailey who had these sad puppy eyes now. I went upstairs and packed my bags.
I looked at Bailey and all I could say was good bye.