I ran. I fucking ran. I didn’t stop, I couldn’t. The streets rushed past me, the dim street lamps giving me the only light to see where I was going. I swallowed hard as my weak legs ran. Blood lingered in the back of my throat, making me gag. But I didn’t stop. I sped up, trying to run off this urge. I wanted to do it again. I hated myself for thinking this, but my whole body tingled at the thought of doing it again, the taste, the smell, the feeling it gave me.
Suddenly realisation crashed over me like a wave. I’ve done it again. Someone I’ve loved is gone. The familiar guilt came after. I was used to this knotted feeling in my stomach, but it still pained me every time. Tears blurred my vision. I was surprised I didn’t fall. My legs screamed out, telling me to stop, to give them a rest, but it only made me want to run faster. Every step I took got me one bit further away from what I did. But ‘his’ voice followed me, constantly whispering in my ear.
“Stop,” I muttered to myself, speeding around another corner into a dark street. The taste of blood grew stronger in my mouth, my broken ribs digging hard into my lungs. Each breath pained me more than the previous. I panted down the dimly lit street, wondering where to go, what to do next? I closed my eyes for a brief second to think, but a picture of ‘his’ broken body lying half dead on the floor flashed in my mind. My eyes shot back open just as my ankle twisted under me. I suddenly fell forward. I reached my arms out to break my fall, but I was too weak. My elbows bent, my wrists bending back as I crashed to the floor. My chin violently hit the ground. I grunted painfully, using the little strength I had left in me to try and pull myself from the ground. I managed to push my upper body from the concrete before collapsing back down on the pavement. A drop of blood escaped from my mouth, slowly running down my chin and onto the ground. I stared down at the drop of blood. Soon that all too familiar voice was back into my head, whispering down to me.
“Leave me alone,” I cried, scrambling to my feet, my whole body trembling with fright. The whole world spun around me carrying whispers, voices. I pressed my hand into a wall, trying to steady myself. I stumbled on the spot until my body was able to run again. I soon bolted down the street, wanting, praying that the voice would stop. A loud sob burst from my chest and out of my mouth, echoing in the street. My blood pounded in my ears, tears blurring my vision as I crossed the road. I stumbled off of the kerb, but managed to keep balanced. Every part of me ached, wanting to give up, but the urge was still there.
I was halfway across the road when a piercing beep cut through the air. I shot my head to the side, blinded by bright lights. I stopped suddenly, wanting to get hit, wanting to feel what it’s like to die. But deep down I knew I would never experience that. I stepped forward just as the car swerved past me, speeding down the street, its horn still continuing to bounce off the walls of the dark street. Suddenly my heart stopped, the voice back again.
“Help me, Rosie.”
The agony in ‘his’ voice made my blood run cold. I ran again, crossing the rest of the road. A sob escaped me as I turned left and carried on running along the pavement. My legs picked up speed, painful tears piercing my eyes.
I only ran a few yards until a tall, dark figure stepped out of an alleyway. I crashed into his firm chest, my body shaking uncontrollably. They’ve come back for me. I stepped back, staring up at the blurry figure. I tried turning around to run away, but my body finally gave up, refusing to do what I wanted it to do. My legs suddenly gave way underneath me, my knees buckling.
But I was stopped from crashing onto the ground, the figure’s strong arms wrapped around me, keeping me on my feet. His touch sent tingles through my body, his warmth so comforting, so loving. But I didn’t know who he was. I’ve learnt in the past to never trust anyone. I struggled weakly in his arms, trying to push him away, but his arms held me with constricting tightness, whispering comforting words into my ear. I could feel the energy draining out of me, my eyelids feeling so heavy. I slowly stopped struggling, gazing up at his blurry face.
“Help me,” I muttered to him before passing out in his arms.