Hours passed by as I laid on the sofa, waiting for Harry to walk back through that door. I still had his hoodie, hugging it to my chest as a way of making myself believe Harry was still here with me. My eyes grew sore with the tears, chest jerking as I weakly failed to stop my sobbing.
I could feel my energy draining from my body. I blinked rapidly, wanting to wait for Harry to come home. I felt sober now, the alcohol achieving what it wanted: the beast to lash out of me, to harm the man that meant everything to me.
I’d felt as though I’d lost his trust. I’d betrayed him. I cursed under my breath, thick tears swelling in my eyes. My eyes flew closed, my face scrunched up in fury. Loud sobs burst from me, my weak body rolling over onto my side, front facing the back of the sofa. I buried my face into the cushions, curling myself up in a tight ball, the hoodie still pressed to my chest. I hate myself. I hate what I am. I wept loudly into the sofa, wanting Harry’s touch of comfort, his long arms around me. My heart ached. I needed him. And I pushed him away.
My sobbing eventually ceased, simmering down to pained whimpers. I wrapped my arms around my jerking torso and squeezed my eyes shut, crying to myself.
“I love you, Harry,” I whispered.
I must have fallen asleep, the sound of the door slamming shut distant. Exhaustion still had hold of my body, too weak for me to move. My chest still ached a pair of warm arms scooped up my feeble body, carefully lifting me from the warmth of the sofa. I was cradled against a chest, my form pressed to a firm body I instantly recognised.
I nuzzled my face into the comfort of his soft shirt, whimpering softly.
“Shh,” he whispered soothingly, tugging me into his body warmth further.
I was carried bridal style, my eyes still closed with exhaustion. I pressed myself as close as I could into him, mumbling his name over again.
I soon heard a door close behind us, Harry’s muscled arms squeezing me softly. I was gradually lowered, my body relaxing into the mattress of the bed. The covers were tugged over my body. I curled up into a ball, sobbing quietly into the pillow. The mattress soon dipped, Harry perching on the edge of the bed. The hair was swiped from my forehead, the warmth of his touch on my skin making me tingle with affection.
I peeled my sore eyes open, gazing up at this stunning figure leaning over me. Harry tugged on the duvet, bring it up to my chin. I swallowed away the sobs, finally letting a weak grin take over my frown. I felt like a child again, being tucked into bed again. I was loved again.
Harry’s touch landed on my cheek. I nuzzled into the expanse of his palm. My eyes never let go of his gaze, his thumb rubbing at my cheek. I watched as his bottom lip began to quiver before being taken harshly between his teeth.
“Harry…” I croaked softly, attempting to sit up on the bed.
“No, Rosie. Get to sleep,” he ordered quietly, guiding me back down to the mattress.
I went to speak again, but Harry leaned down to me, planting a kiss to the corner of my mouth. My body shivered with warmth. I felt weak by his touch, sinking further into the mattress.
His lips lingered on my skin for a few moments, shaky breaths escaping his nose as it pressed into my cheek. His mouth finally moved once again, wet kisses trailing down to my neck. His warm lips caressed my skin, my body vulnerable under his touch.
“H-Harry, I’m really sorry,” I mumbled, nuzzling into the curls on his head.
Harry continued his relentless action, causing a moan to fall through my lips. His tongue glided across my skin, my hand reaching up to fist his dark locks at the back of his head.
“Harry, please,” I groaned. I craved to see his sparkling orbs, his forgiving smile. But his lips never parted from my neck. I tugged on his curls, but he refused to move from my skin.
His lips suddenly grew stationary, his face nestling into my neck. Then the painful truth hit me. He didn’t want to look me in the eye. He was scared of me.
Muffled sobbing emanated from Harry’s mouth, Harry’s face buried deep in the crook in my neck. I awkwardly attempted wrapping my arms around his leaning body, gently enticing him into bed with me. Harry whimpered innocently, weakly climbing under the covers with me.
I embraced him in my arms, chests pressed together in comfort as we laid together in bed. His face was kept in my neck the whole time. I’d never seen Harry break down like this before. But it brought a warm feeling to me. I’d seen all sides to him now. Cheeky, angered, scared. I’d felt like I knew ever part to this curly haired guy I loved so much. And he’s seen both sides of me as well, human and non-human. And after all of it, we were still together, cuddled up in bed with each other. That’s when I knew we’d never break.
But I’d still scared Harry tonight. I’d trapped him under me, so close to drawing blood from his body. I’d made him vulnerable to this beast in me. I’ll never forget the frightened look on his face, the colour drained from his cheeks.
I squeezed him tighter, waiting patiently until Harry’s sobbing had subsided. His heavy head gradually lifted from my neck, sinking heavily into his pillow. He laid there, staring at me with swollen eyes. His bottom lip began quivering before it was stuck between his teeth. I shuffled closer to him. His teary eyes gazed back. I reached out, sweeping his dark curls behind his ear.
“I didn’t mean to scare you tonight, baby,” I whispered. “If I could take it back I would. I would never hurt you.” My palm pressed into the skin, my thumb rubbing at his cheek. “Never.”
“I know,” Harry croaked before swallowing hard. “It’s just hard to cope with sometimes, that’s all.” Harry paused, new tears swelling in his green eyes. “You frightened me, Rosie,” he whispered.
I squeezed him tighter, pulling his shaking form closer to me again. It felt strange comforting Harry for once, his presence always there to comfort me when I needed it. I was giving something back to him. It felt good.
I pressed my lips forcefully to his forehead, running my fingertips up and down his spine. A weak smile flickered on Harry’s lips, his emotions trickling from his wide eyes. I pressed my hand into the back of his head, bringing his head closer to mine. Our lips met in a gentle kiss, moving cautiously with each other’s. Harry breathed out shakily, eyelids falling closed as he focused on my touch. My fingers weaved through his curls before my hand closed around them, fisting his hair tightly.
The tingles soon erupted in my body. I quickly withdrew before I would do something I would regret again. My head sunk deeper into the pillow, a heavy sigh forced through my lips. Harry buried himself further into the covers, his curls adorning the pillow around his head. We just laid there, still in our clothes, gazing at each other, silence lingering in the air around us. And that silence got me thinking as I stared at this scared, shaking boy lying with me. He looked so innocent, but the events of earlier spun in my mind. Where did he go tonight? Who had called him?
“Harry?” I eventually croaked. I coughed the awkwardness from my throat. My arm was draped over Harry’s side, our legs entwined under the covers.
“Yeah?” he whispered, brushing the hair from my forehead.
A long, torturous silence followed his words, my body uncomfortably wriggling under the covers.
“Rosie,” Harry muttered, guiding my head up to face his. “What is it?”
I took a deep breath, tears clouding my vision of Harry’s gorgeous face.
“Tell me who you were on the phone to,” I muttered.
A heavy silence quickly fell around us. His face fell. His lips remained stationary, silently refusing to tell me anything. But his eyes never let go of my own.
His gaze finally tore from mine, his eyes falling closed. I was being blocked out, ignored. Anger rose in my weak body, skin growing hotter by the second. Harry just lay there, disregarding the heavy breathing emanating from my mouth.
“Harry, tell me who it was,” I growled.
Harry remained still, his calm state angering me further. Why was he refusing to talk? What was he hiding?
“Harry,” I growled furiously.
His eyes shot open, his face unreadable with the lack of emotion showing. A pair of plump lips parted to finally whisper back.
“Rosie, whatever I do, it’s because I love you. Nothing more.”
His words shocked me, so stern, but so caring. Before I could retaliate Harry rolled over onto his other side, burying himself deep in the covers.
“Go to sleep, Rosie,” he muttered.
Silence grew in the room, the only noise being Harry’s slowing breaths. I stayed rooted to the mattress, still trying to understand Harry’s words. His back rose and fell at a steadier pace, his muscles still taut under the tight shirt he wore. I was used to seeing his muscled torso at night. But the confinement of his shirt stopped me from witnessing his firm chest, the v-lines that ran into the band of his pyjama bottoms.
I slowly rolled over, my back to Harry’s. I curled up in a tight ball. Rough sobs escaped my lips as my boyfriend refused to speak to me. I suddenly screamed out, hating all of this, the secrets, the lies. I just wanted Harry back. I finally let out a painful whimper, feeling my heart shattering into a thousand pieces.
I suddenly wanted Harry’s touch, his arms around me to lift me from my nightmares. I buried my head into my pillow, letting the painful tears fall.
“I love you, Harry,” I whispered into my pillow.
As sleep grew more appealing, I realised that I’d taken Harry for granted, that I missed him whenever his skin wasn’t pressed to mine. My eyelids fell closed, dark shadows casting in my mind as I slipped out of consciousness, knowing I would fall into a world of nightmares, one thought lingering in my head before I fell asleep:
It was the first night we hadn’t slept in each other’s arms.
I laid still under the covers, my back to Rosalie. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the horrendous noise of her crying behind me. She screamed out into his pillow, breaking my heart completely. I tried keeping my breathing steady, but it began to quiver. I slowly curled up into a ball under the covers, silently letting my tears fall.
Her tears never seemed to end. I wanted to comfort her, hold her in my arms. But I couldn’t bear to face him. The truth was I was scared. He’d gotten drunk, too drunk. I watched as Ed and Louis slowly intoxicated her, and I did nothing. I should have dragged her out of that club before it got that far. But I didn’t have the guts. The monster side to Rosalie frightened me. I felt imprisoned, confined. She’d promised me she wouldn’t let anyone hurt me tonight, that she’d protect me. She lied to me.
Rosalie’s weeping gradually simmered to whimpers behind me.
“I love you, Harry,” she whispered.
Her words stabbed at my heart. I pressed my lips together, forcing back the unwanted tears with the little energy I had, but my emotions betrayed me. Thick tears spilled from my eyes at the memories of her angered state tonight. I hated keeping secrets from her, but I knew she would stop me if I told her. She didn’t understand I was doing this for us, to keep her safe.
Rosie finally grew still behind me. Her breaths were still uneven, soft whimpers falling through her mouth as she slept. She must be having a nightmare. I rolled over, Rosie curled up in a tight ball beside me, her back to me. The covers had fallen to her waist as she wriggled about uncomfortably in her sleep. This scared, frightened girl lying beside me was a vast contrast to the beast I saw earlier. I fell in love with this Rosie, the innocent, lonely girl that collapsed in my arms that night. But that night I hadn’t fallen for this beast that comes with Rosalie. I didn’t know whether I could accept it for much longer. That beast was willing to kill me tonight. But the only thing stopping it from doing so was Rosie’s warm heart. I knew that that monster would have ripped me to pieces in a matter of seconds, but deep down Rosie was trying to force it away. She had saved my life so many times these few weeks, but one day she might not be able to control what she is. And if she doesn’t then she’ll kill me.
“Harry,” Rosie whimpered, shaking her head vigorously from side to side. “Harry, stop them. Please.”
The sight tore at my heart. Her body shook violently, her hair growing damp with sweat. I reached out, skimming my touch down her bare arm. Heat was burning her skin, making her barely touchable. Fright had taken over me. I was scared that if I touched her while she was in this state I would let out her non-human side. I pulled back quickly, brushing away the tears from my cheeks.
“Samuel, please,” Rosie sobbed, curling herself up tighter. “Don’t hurt him. I love him. Don’t do this to me!”
She was dreaming about me. Samuel was hurting me. I was being torn apart from her. That must be her worst nightmare, losing me.
I pushed back all my fright to touch and hold Rosie. But the heat of her skin, the violent tossing and turning prevented me from doing so. Once my fingertip made contact with her upper arm, a breath hissed out through my teeth in pain. It was like touching fire.
I couldn’t do anything else. My voice was useless, drowned out by her whimpers and cries of agony. I had to watch her weeping in pain, my actions and words rendering useless.
I refused to sleep all night to keep an eye on Rosie. I tried tugging her into me, planting soft kisses across her burning skin, but the heat from her body stopped me. But I tried. I tried and I never stopped.
I knew that Samuel was in her mind, scaring and intimidating her. That was the one place I couldn’t shield Rosie from, her own mind. I could prevent it, but never stop it.
My scared, confused angel. The girl I could watch, but never touch.