Scrolling, scrolling, the never ending scrolling down a newsfeed of statuses from people I have only barely glanced at in hallways yet am consistently conversing and connecting with all hours of the day on Facebook. I don't like Facebook any more, I don't think anyone truly does, but it's an addiction. It's so different to when you first start out on it, hearing the latest gossip and being able to like a status of someone popular in school or even talk to them without the fear of public humiliation...
But now? After years of using it, it's all the same. Statuses are boring and trivial, all I ever see is constant uploads of girls and guys posing and pouting, looking as pretty and perfect as possible to get as many likes as possible...and that's the addiction. It's not just Facebook, it's Twitter and Instagram too. The more 'likes' you get on a status or photo, the better you feel, almost like you've accomplished something, had recognition that you're attractive or have a slightly interesting life.
I remember when Instagram used to be about taking photos of new experiences, capturing beauty in the world and sharing it with those who couldn't be there with you to see it. Not any more. Just girls stood facing each other, weight on one leg with a cocked hip, heads turned to the camera slightly slanted to show off how long their hair is and the occasional pout making them look like a fish.
It's the same wherever I look and I keep telling myself I'm going to delete my account and one time I did... for about two hours. I started feeling wrong inside and detached from the world, worried I was missing out and what if someone needed to contact me? I had a full fledged panic attack before I reactivated my account and saw five notifications. I was telling myself,
'See Jess? You weren't overreacting, something did happen, you were missing out.'
I don't know what I expected the notifications to be; likes on a picture? Comments on a status? It wasn't either of those. Just people requesting me to join stupid Facebook games.
"Jess! Dinner!" I hear my Mum shout from the kitchen downstairs.
"Kay Mum!" I yell back. I click off my Ipod and jog downstairs, Ipod still held absent mindedly in my hand. I sit down at the table and click the Ipod on again looking through the news feed again, my eyes tiredly scanning past a status from someone in the year below me saying: Like for a like.
This being the concept that you like the status and they write a paragraph on your wall on what they like about you. I've never taken part in one of those statuses because personally, I would prefer someone say what they think of me to my face not over a screen.
"Jess put that down. It's rude to have it on at the table." Mum says tiredly. I put the Ipod on my lap but I can still see the screen.
"I don't see why it's ok for you to be watching the TV and not talking to me while eating dinner and yet me multitasking, eating, scrolling through facebook and talking you is unacceptable. At least I'm being sociable."
Mum doesn't reply to this and we eat our dinner in silence while the TV drones on in the background. When I'm done, I leave the table and go up to my room where I lie in bed for the next four hours until about 1am scrolling through Facebook, Twitter, Ask.Fm and watching Youtubers... but I feel empty and bored and a little bit sad.
I like a post from my friend about the concept of a Sherlock and Doctor Who crossover and comment that I wish other shows would do crossovers or characters could be intertwined in each others worlds.
To that she replies:
'Have you heard of Tumblr?'