Okay so I'm definitely not getting better... In fact I might be getting worse. I haven't seen Amanda in ages. And I can't stop thinking about what she said... "I promised Jasper I would look after Emily," Does that me Jasper still cares about me? The dying slut that kissed his best friend? I feel awful.
I choke over the side of the bed, blood splattering down. Murphy comes to my side. He sits me up. I put my hand to my face and realise that there is fresh blood. I'm bleeding from my eyes again.. Great. Struggling for breath, I desperately try to wipe away the blood. Murphy lies me back down and wets a cloth. He wipes my eyes gently. He moves the he cloth slowly move down my face until it reaches my mouth... And he holds it there. My brown eyes lock on his blue eyes. Is he trying to suffocate me? I try to break free of his grasp but I'm too weak.
Clarke appears behind him. Murphy quickly yanks the cloth off of me.
"How's she doing?" Clarke asks, obviously oblivious of what I think he was doing.
"Not great," he answers and hurries off. Great... Clarke hands me a metal water cup and leaves the dropship. There sounds like there is excitement out there? This is my chance to get out. I need to swim.. Yes. I try to jump up quickly but I just kind of slide out of the hammock. I try running but I'm too dizzy. Well I guess I'll just have to stay out of sight.. I limp through the dropship feeling heavy. I managed to get out of the material doors to the ship. I skip through the crowd. I try to look at what everyone is gathered around.. I don't know and in going to get noticed. I limp on and find the near by waterfall and pond.
I pull off my jumper and leave on my vest. I pull down the ripped jeans I'm wearing and leave on my underwear. I don't hesitate. I leap into the water. The cold water shocks me. It feels so exhilarating. I hop up for breath and pull the soaking ginger mass out of my eyes. This is amazing. I wipe the blood stains from my face. I just swim around, enjoying the peace and my own company. This is so much better than being cooped up in the dropship with sick people.
I swim for what seems like forever. Then I realise someone is here. I spin around. Jasper.. He's here.. I start breathing quickly and I start feeling how cold the water is. I climb out and sit on the bank. I hug my knees and hang my head...ugh. Jasper sits beside me. I start talking..
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to kiss Monty, it just happened and he was angry with you and I was there and I just-" His warm lips press against my cold wet ones. He stops me blabbering. His arms wrap around my soaking wet body. I feel safe and warm.. Then I remember.. The virus.. I push him off.
"Jasper the virus!" I panic, trying to get away. He ignores me.
"It's okay," Jasper whispers, "I'm sorry I kissed Amanda as well," he admits. I feel a surge of happiness and forget all about this fever. I throw my self at him. And for a moment we lie on the bank in an embrace.
Then I remember the virus again. Suddenly, I feel like I'm being suffocated, "Jasper," I choke. I'm panicking. He lifts me. I start shaking.
"Emily," his voice panics me even more. I feel freezing and warm. My vision blurs a little. I hug in tight to him as he runs back to camp.
"Amanda," he shouts, "Clarke!" He shouts again. I'm bleeding. I can feel it. I am rushed into the ship. I can hear Clarke yelling.
"Why was she out of the dropship?" She screeches. I can hear many voices but this next one stuns me.
"What if she doesn't survive this time?" I hear Amanda's voice. But it's not the same way it usually is.. It's breaking. And She's not being her sarcastic usual self.
"Don't be stupid, we'll fix her," I hear Bellamy now.. But he doesn't sound so sure. I can feel my body violently shaking. And a million faces staring at me. Voices overlap in panic and I can no longer see.
Where is Amanda? I need her. I need her now.. I need to see her. What if I don't make it?