It's awkward sitting in a house I've never been in before. I don't normally do babysitting but my parents insisted I get out the house to do something, and considering I'm still upset about the whole situation with 'retrac', I figured it would be good to take my mind off it.
But now, watching TV in an eerily silent house (the kid long gone to bed), I can't stop thinking about him. Will he ever reply? Has something happened to him? What if he's dead?
I need to stop being so over dramatic. He's probably just busy; he has a life after all. Not every 15 year old sits at home on the internet because they have nothing else to do.
I'm just lazing about, flicking through endless amounts of channels, when my phone vibrates. Picking it up, I expect a text message from Mum asking me if I'm okay, but instead the words *retrac - message received* appear. I almost jump out of my skin, although I try to contain myself. Taking a deep breath, I enter the chat.
retrac: I don't know if I can do this.
My heart pangs in my chest. What does he mean he can't do this? He's barely spoken to me since we've been together.
Ava: what do you mean?xx
retrac: Us...I don't think I can do it.
Anger rages inside me. Why did he start something he can't continue? Is he trying to ruin me?
Ava: Why not? What's different to before?
retrac: I can't explain, I'm sorry. I just...I don't know how this is going to work out. We lead completely different lives.
Then it suddenly hits me. What if he knows who I am? Maybe he's found me online or seen me at school and realised that he doesn't want to be with me anymore, because of all the rumours and the horrible things people say about me. But how could someone do that? Surely someone wouldn't go as far as making someone break up with me just to upset me?
But people do, and I fear it's just happened to me.
Ava: Please, I'm no different than I was before. Don't let anything change what we have. I thought you loved me.
retrac: I do, but I'm scared.
Ava: Scared of what?
retrac: what you'll think of the real me.
Ava: Hey, I love you no matter what, I won't judge you xx
retrac: but do you mean that? I feel as though I'm letting everyone down around me by being with you.
Why does he care about letting down all the people who started rumours about me? This just doesn't make sense at all...
Ava: You're not, I promise. Go with your heart, okay? I just don't want to lose you, please...
Ava: If you're unsure, let's meet up, and I'm not kidding.
I feel myself begging for him, as tears prick my eyes. I can't lose my only hope in life.
Ava: Great x where do you want to meet and when? You live in the UK right?
retrac: Yeah. Meet at the Italian at Picadilly in London. I'll treat you to a meal.
Ava: Sounds good, but you won't have enough money for that, surely? Or do you have a job?
retrac: errr...kind of. Saturday at 6pm?
Ava: Great, I'm dying to meet you<3
retrac: me too x