It's been days since I've spoken with 'retrac'. I've messaged him a few times to ask how he is but there's been not one single reply. I'm starting to have doubts about hooking up with him. Maybe he was joking, having a laugh with his mates. And I was probably stupid enough to believe it, being me.
I stare at the photo of the flowers, the beautiful roses. Every time I think of him calling me beautiful my heart sinks with joy. Could I really be in love? Even if it's with a stranger on the internet?
I go through the last conversation we had, after he hadn't replied for a few hours.
retrac: hey beautiful, sorry I didn't reply sooner xx<3
Ava: Where have you been?xx
retrac: I'm at a friend's house...only just got the internet code xx I'm sorry, don't be angry <3
Ava: I'm not angry, I could never be angry at you<3xx
retrac: Aw, you're a sweetheart<3xx
Wow, he's so soppy and cute. I didn't know guys could be this nice and romantic and...all of that. I feel like I'm floating through the sky.
I had waited for a few minutes at the time, thinking he'd probably gone to the toilet or something, but time flew by and it had been almost half an hour since he was online. Where was he? And here I am now, days later, wondering the same thing, except he hasn't been online in almost 3 days.
Ava: Hey, where'd you go?
Ava: I miss you:(
Ava: Why don't we talk tomorrow?
Ava: I love you<3
As I send message after message I feel myself growing attached to our relationship. The way he sends me compliments makes me feel as high as I'll ever feel, and like I'm worth it. People at school ignore me, call me names, don't take a look in my direction, but now I finally feel as though someone gets me, and loves me for who I am.
And I can't lose that.
Ava: If you're trying to ignore me, I won't lose you<3
And eventually, through blotched eyes, I fall asleep alone under the twinkling stars.