We both lie on our backs, I giggle when Louis repeats my movements of wriggling his toes under the doona, I had no idea how long we had been in bed talking until there was a knock at the door and I noticed the day had turned to night, I hold bandit in my arms, stopping him from bolting out the door as I answer it.
“Hi.” I smile as Liam stands on the other side.
“Hi, ah sorry to disturbed you, your mail was put in my box.” I look between us where he is holding out a few envelopes, I smile.
“Thanks.” I grip them and he scratches Bandits neck, “I’ll see you later.” He nods.
“See ya.” The door is quietly closed and Bandit is placed on the floor while I make my way to the island and take a seat on a stool, opening the letters, it was all just crap, I toss it in the bin before taking a seat on the lounge beside Louis, my legs laying over his lap and I cuddle into his side, an arm wrapping around my body.
35 days later (month and five days)
I had gotten back from school twenty minutes ago, standing at the vanity in the main rooms bathroom, the door locked preventing Louis from entering if he unexpectedly arrives back from school. My fingers gripping the counter top as I look down at three small tests, waiting and waiting for them to be finished, when I look up at the mirror I feel like I shouldn’t recognise myself, my skin pale, eyes dark, I feel as though I’m missing the normal three colours. I check the time on my phone for what feels like the hundredth time, the tests should have been finished minutes ago I just don’t want to see the result they all showed me, all coming up positive. I had put the idea of me being pregnant to the back of my mind, even though my period is five days late, now I know im not going to be getting I for a while, the three different tests are taken in my fist along with the three empty boxes and I unlock the bathroom door and exit quickly, their dropped into the bin and I tie the only half full bag up, gripping my keys and heading out the door, I’m in the elevator and out on the street in a matter of seconds, the bag disposed in a bin on the foot path. I lean against a wall a few buildings down, my fingers running though my hair as my flushed body cools with the cold London breeze, I let a long sigh fall from my lips before I start wondering back towards the building entering the elevator and then my apartment on the top floor, seeing Liam’s apartment door close makes me wonder if Louis is back, the key is hesitantly placed in the door and twisted, before removed as I reach for the handle, Louis stands at the island bench, bag on top as he fiddles though it, we smile at one another but I know mine isn’t to the full extant his was.
“You feeling okay?” he asks and I grip the bottle of milk from the fridge, pouring myself a glass as I nod and place the best smile I can manage on my lips.
“Fine.” The milk is placed back in the fridge as I gip the glass and take a long sip, he doesn’t look convinced as he studies me for a moment, I place the now empty glass in the sink and make my way down the few steps and over to the lounge, plopping down as turning on the TV.
“Do you have work?” Louis asked and I nod, I don’t know whether im going to go, I don’t exactly want to.
“I think im going to call in sick.”
“Which brings be back to my first question, are you feeling okay?”
“Not exactly, a little overwhelmed.”
“Why? Is it the school?” I shake my head, his concern is evident as he takes a seat beside me, my hand taken in his as he gently stoked my knuckles with his thumb, my eyes drift to the place we are connected, thinking there is a small not even close to person inside of me right now belonging to Louis and myself and makes me feel slightly sick. “Are you going to tell me or do I have to guess?” I meet his eye contact and I feel like I need to cry, my heart pounding fast in my chest as I look at his worry, the worry and care he has for me, the things that comforts me more then I think they should, I shake my head slowly, taking a glance at our hands, his thumb still soothingly running over my skin.
“Louis.” I breath, “Im pregnant.” I what his face hoping for a visual reaction, all he gave me was the freezing of his movements, his eyes wide as he watches me, his thumb not moving over my knuckles any longer, his chest finally starting to move, probably not at a good rate.
“Are you sure?” I nod, my eyes closing for a moment as I inhale a deep breath, exhaling a sigh.
“I’m five days late on my period and I took three pregnancy tests, three from different brands, they were all positive.” His fingers fiddle with the tips of mine and I know he doesn’t know what to say, he just like me cant decide if this is a god or a bad thing, moments turn into minutes, as minutes pass I start to get anxious, “Say something.” I whisper, his eyes locking with mine before he shrugs.
“I don’t know what to say, Ellen, were going to have a baby.” his eyes drift around the apartment as if only now realising how small the place is.
“We don’t have to keep it.” I pause, “We don’t have to have it.” his eyes lock on mine as if asking me to go on but I don’t want to, what he is hearing is all im going to say regarding either giving it up for adoption of getting it terminated, his head shakes as if clearing something up with himself.
“We have to think about this, Ellen.”
“I know.” I smile, “You look scared.” The lightly laugh that leaves his mouth causes a wait to lift from my shoulders.
“So do you.” He tells me and I look at him and nod.
“I am, bloody oath, this is freaky."
We had been to see a doctor, to find out how far along Ellen was, he told us at the time she was two weeks into her pregnancy and today marks her third, to say im not freaking out would mean I was lying, Ellen had been carful since we found out, she hasn’t been drinking and im glad, be haven’t spoken about aborting or adopting it out yet, im sure it will come up soon, im not sure what I want to do, I know we are young but how do you just get rid of and forget something like this. I was waiting outside Ellen’s work, she was ten minutes late, she is normally out on time, I get out of the car, locking the door as I cross the road to the pub, the heavy wooden door is pulled open as I approached and yelling is heard, I get in and see a slight crowed around a section of the bar, when I get closer I see Ellen is standing on the other side of the large wooden counter, a lady who had obviously had too much to drink kneeling on her stool taking god awful swings at my pregnant girlfriend. Ellen stubbles back as the drunken lady jumps the bar, I try and elbow though the small crowed but it’s too late, both had talked swings, Ellen’s connecting with more force casing the lady to hit the floor with a thud. Ellen is pulled away by a large male, another girl taking her further from the mess; I elbow though once again and stand opposite Ellen as she leans against the bar, the girl beside her whipping blood from Ellen’s hand.
“What was that?” I ask as we are making our way to the car.
“What was what?”
“Don’t play stupid Ellen, something could have happen to the baby.” her eyebrow raises.
“You’re blaming me for this?” she almost scoffs, “Did you not see her come into my personal space, see her hit me?”
“It doesn’t matter you should have walked away.”
“So a drunken idiot has a go at me because I apparently mixed her the wrong drink and im supost to cower back? That’s not going to happen, Louis.”
“Im not asking you to cower back, Ellen, im asking you not to make it a fight.”
“So im supost to let her hit me?”
“No, that’s what I don’t want, I don’t want the baby to be harmed, Ellen, im not blaming you, you should hit back, its self-defence but your pregnant, you need to do what’s best for the baby.” she tugs the door to my car open and drops in, her belt is fastened and her arms crossed over her body, her thumb slightly caressing her stomach, I try to hide my smile as I start the car and head back to the apartment.
“I don’t know if we should keep it.” I turn to Ellen as we sit on the lounge; Chinese take away in her hand as she moves the chopstick to her lips.
“What do you mean?” her eyes meet mine for a moment before she looks back at the noodles in her box, her chopsticks moving the food around as she shrugs.
“We are to young, I think we should wait.” She seems uneasy as she speaks the words.
“So apportion?” she nods.
“If you don’t mind, Louis you have a say in this to, it’s not just me.” I shake my head.
“Im fine with whatever you want, I’ll keep it, abort it, adopt it out, whatever you want im happy with.” She smiles a tight smile, soft eyes sparkle before she looks back at her food.
“I need to tell my parents, and so do you.”