Ellen and I had spent the whole day together, once again missing out on school, I was expecting Ellen back in a few hours from work, I had recently gotten back from the gym with Liam, I found out he went on a date, he said he really liked her but he thinks she might be the possessive type. I sit in the kitchen on one of the stools, with a packet of M&M’s and Ellen’s journal.
It’s been a week since I’ve last written. Quite a bit has happen, mostly involving Louis, I was in a underwear shop when he appeared from nowhere, he said he was just walking past and saw me, it makes me smile that he took the time out to say hi. He likes the music I do, and im kind of embarrassed that I went back to buy the bra he said he liked, then the next day he showed up at my work again, Harry was there so was the lady I always see with them, I was a prick to Harry like he is to me all the time and Louis and the lady were amused. I had seen him at school all that week but I stayed home yesterday to clean the house, Sofia and Estelle were staying over while mum, dad, Aunty Denny and Uncle Joe go up to the cost. I picked the wrong day to where the bra Louis liked because Louis showed up and Tegan let him in, he saw me in it and my glasses, and he said he liked them but im not sure if he was lying or not, it was probably the most embarrassing day of my life. I took him to get the girls, Sofia asked if we were dating, it kind of made things awkward, but then we went back to the house and got in the pool, I found out he has a great body. Then last night he stayed over, even though we didn’t touch I could feel his warmth and it was comforting to be beside him, IN MY BED! We went to see a movie today, Estelle’s request and Louis decided to tag along, we ran into one of his ex’s who Louis said followed him to Australia, I felt so self-conscious around her and her friends because they were so pretty and im just me. He told me he was over her and said ‘I have my eye on someone else.’ Im not sure how to take it.
25th May 2013
I flip the page and read on and on, dates passing and passing.
I got suspended two days ago, I got into a fight and it was pretty much over nothing, we were yelling at each other but when I told the girl to ‘Shut the fuck up.’ She hit me, it was as if I didn’t have any control over my body and I started laying into her, I faintly remember hitting a teacher but that was mostly after watching the videos people sent me. Louis came to see me that afternoon, wondering why I had left school early, I explained to him and I don’t know what he thought about it, I don’t know whether he likes girls that get into fights. Yesterday was the show me and you went on our first scary ride, the same on was there and the girls though I might have wanted to avoid it but I think we went on it five times, Louis was there too, he said Harry ditched him and he said he was probably off having sex with some girl in the bathrooms. I think im really starting to fall for Louis and im really nervous because I’ve never felt like this before and I don’t think, well I know he doesn’t feel the same. I mean why would he; there are plenty of attractive girls at our school, girls that don’t have as much baggage as me.
I also sent my application and letter to the school, im not sure whether I will be good enough; I also sent them a sample of my work, im really nervous to hear back from them.
5th June 3013
To top off the worst day I just accepted the application to the school In London, I should be happy instead of sitting in my room crying, I should be happy but im not, I accepted an earlier date to what I had offered them, mum said that if I didn’t take it I might not have another opportunity, it feels like years since I last wrote, Louis and I ended up going on a date, it was a great night, I really like him but im scared once I leave we will never see each other again, it’s only a few months until October and that’s when the school want me there. We have already got the apartment which is good, we got it before I got accepter, mum said if I didn’t end up getting a spot in the school we would just use it when we go to London, which is kind of rare but I guess it saves getting a hotel.
10th June 3013
Even more pages were flipped.
I arrived in London yesterday, it’s really cold, I met the guy in the apartment across the hall, his names Liam, his really attractive but his no Louis. even though it’s been a day I really like it here, most the people are nice, greeting you on the street for no reason, I had gone to the shops to pick up a few things for my apartment today and it was as if just looking at me they knew I was Australian. Im sure they had heard me talk to someone in a shop or something but they just randomly come up to me, I love how polite they are about disturbing you though, it’s not normally like that in Australia, mostly because everyone doesn’t care, everyone is up for a chat back home.
5th October 2013
I hear the apartment door close and both the cats jumped off the bed and headed into the main room where I can hear Ellen putting her things down, I close the book and place it on the bedside table rolling off the bed and heading into the door way where I see Ellen kneeling down, patting the cats.
“Oh, you’re awake.” She says as she looks up at me and I nod, she makes her way towards me after placing her jacket over the back of one of the stools, pecking me lips as the cats bolt past our feet and onto the bed, Ellen gets ready for bed, taking her contacts out and brushing her hair and teeth before getting changed and lying with me on the bod, the blanket draped over our bodies as we lie facing one another.
“There’s a party next week, my mum’s cousin invited us, I was wondering if you wanted to go.” she smiles and nods.
“I’d love to go, what’s it for?”
“Well she is kind of lesbian and there will be a lot of her friends there so I guess you could call it a lesbian party.” Ellen’s eye brow raises, “There are guys there as well, straight guys and some straight woman.”
“Kind of lesbian?” Ellen asks laughing and I roll my eyes.
“She is lesbian.” Her giggling stops and she agrees.
“So what is this lesbian party for?” she traces patterns on my bare skin.
“I don’t know exactly, but it’s the third one she has held.” I shrug.
Louis and I had made plenty of jokes about the upcoming party, me telling Louis I would leave him for one of the woman there causing my body to become trapped beneath his as he refuses to let me leave.
“And if I do?” I ask looking up at him, my hips trapped beneath his as he lies slightly on top of me, my fingers squeezing at the skin on his shoulders.
“I’ll come after you.” He tells me as he rolls off to the side, both of us now facing one another.
“I’d find you.” Louis’ voice whispered, not missing a beat as the humour drained from his tone. “Always.” The words held so much meaning, my heart thumping at their depth, I had no doubt he would stop at nothing to search for me, and the idea of someone going to those lengths to find me did strangely warming things to my insides. It had to mean something, surely, but what struck me more was that I would do exactly the same for him, I never wanted Louis to leave me, the thought made me feel desperately empty, I hadn’t noticed my emotions spilling over my cheeks until Louis’ thumb gently wiped away the small tears. “What’s wrong?” His soft voice full of concern.
“Nothing.” I shook my head, weakly smiling; he inquisitively tilted his head to the side, an adorable expression on his face before he pressed his lips to mine. I began to giggle as kisses were dotted all over my face, hands lightly batting him away, Louis laughed, pecking me a final time on the mouth. I tangled our legs, lightly nudging my thigh between his; wanting to be as close as physically possible to the boy I had given everything to.
“It’s late, Love. Go to sleep.” Louis’ arms wrapped around me, our faces close on the pillow, and I couldn’t prevent the smile spreading on my lips as he pecked the tip nose with a kiss before rubbing it against his own, he squeezed me, Louis’ warmth comforting my body as I cuddled into him. I felt safe. “I’ve got you.” He whispered before my eyes fell closed.