I looked down at my feet. Then back up at my group. They look to me for guidance. For love. For life. But I wasn't all that. I could guide them but I couldn't direct their fate. Which scares me because I want them to survive. Every last one of them.
"Well... I guess..." I sigh. They seemed to have joy in their eyes. I swallowed, looking down, closing my eyes, and looking up at them with a sense of dare in my eyes, and a smirk on my lips. "Get ready." They cheered. They see, ed so happy to leave. To rid of the awkwardness between them and this new group. This strange group. So strange. I walked to my room, packing up. Getting my weapons ready. I didn't dare put more clothes on. It would hurt my tender skin. I was ready. But way before anyone else as they had to put on their several layers of clothing. I walked around, finding Patricks cell. He was still asleep. I smiled, sitting down. I knew he was breathing. He was alive. And that mattered so much to me. And I wasn't exactly sure why. Maybe Carl would like me a bit more.
That doesn't matter I'm leaving.
Eventually I hear my group walking, chatting with each other. A few giggles. I stand up and wait for them to reach me. They saw my slight smile. I lead them out and we trekked to the gates. Carl ran towards us, his dad slowly walking behind him. "Where the Hell do you think you are all going?" He asked, crossing his arms.
"We are leaving, Carl." He state firmly, placing a hand on a hip. He frowns.
"What, so you all come here, use us for food and shelter for a day and leave?!" I shake my head walking forward to him. I get about two feet away and stop.
"No. This was my WHOLE group's decision. I'm not the leader. I didn't sign up for it. But they look to me, to keep them going. I guide them. But they make the final decisions. Carl." I sternly say his name.
"Well then why are you leaving, guys?" He yells to my group. "Huh?! Just because you used us up a bit? Don't appreciate what we do for you!" He yells. My hands become fists.
"It's not like that!" I yell.
"Then what is it?"
I turn around taking a step, and turn back to him walking up to him. Getting within inches of his face and body. My muscles tense.
"Look here, you are the one that should be greatful." I say in a low voice. "I SAVED Patrick! Obviously he's your friend. And he's alive because of ME! So leave us alone." I yell into his face. I turn around and lead my group up the guard tower. Just we reach the top, Carl yells something from below.
"You'll never make it out there! Sowhy not just stay?" I shake my head and jump down. One by one we jump several feet to reach the other side of the fence. The dogs are hesitant but leap any ways. Then we leave.
I can't look back or stop. I'm afraid if I do, then I will want to come back to the Prison. To safteys arms.
I can't figure out what my other want is. I want something else. Besides saftey... or food.
But I can't decide on what it is. But it's tearing my mind apart as I try to figure it out.
As I try to find myself amoung this group. To keep them safe. To be loyal. To be the best damn leader I can be...
My feet crunch against the growing grass. Walkers trudging our way. I wait for my whole group to get ready. Walkers close. I hold my hand up in the shape of a gun and pretend to shoot it in the air. At that moment my whole geoup takes off running as fast as they can. We run. Wild. As if we have lived in this screwed up world since we were born. And it's so strange... how we adapted... how we went from being spoiled little technology savy freaks... to this. To being strong. Independent. Learn to give up everything we love. And some of us gave up what made us human. What made us... us. And we know that is was for the best. That it's okay. There is nothing human in this world anymore. Not even love...
And that's what scares me most.
My thoughts are raging like this as I run, at the front of the group. Trying to dodge everything. Trees. Bushes. Jumping over them. Weaving around them. Running. Away. Is this right? Maybe... or maybe it's a huge mistake. I begin to slow down, as we reach a road. Blood splattered here and there. Half of a dead guy a little ways down. My dogs are panting, as they stand at each side. I kneel down. I click my tongue and there attention instantly is given to me. "Go watch the back. You know how to fight." I whisper. They kiss my hands as i pet their nose. And off to the back of the group they trot.
Okay. So everyone is safe. But the sky is growing dark. It's humid. Storm. It's coming rather quick. I sniff the air and i smell the distant rain evaporating off of the hot road. We need shelter. I look around. Taking in my surroundings. I begin walking. No noise except light chatter from a couple of my group members. The pavement cracked. My feet hit, at the same pace of my heart. I need to stay kept up. Hold myself together.
We walk and walk.
"Stop!" My voice is straining. Pleading. Tears everywhere on my face. Marks. So... so many... marks. "Please! Stop!"
"Shut up! You idiot!" His voice thunders as I wince from pain. The belt still lashing at my skin. My back covered in bloody streams. The pain echoing as he leaves the room. Huddled in the corner. Holding my sister. She doesn't understand. She is too little. She holds onto me and I sense a little hope... but not enough.
"Look!" I see house just ahead as someone from behind me yells. I shake my head a little trying to erase the memories. I begin jogging. I'm so tired but I can't let them know that. I cant be weak. Not infront of them. Only in my own arms.
We geet inside, clearing it out. It's really small but it's enough. I hadn't noticed but it was sprinkling by the time we saw the house. The dogs decide to sit at the foot of the couch, near the door. People are all boding up the place with some planks we found out back in a pile, and hammers and nails that we found in the extremely small garage. It didn't even look like a car could fit.
I walked around, making sure everyone was okay before organizing our bags that were thrown all over the floor. As my group finished up they decided we needed sleeping arangements. That only reminded me of the bags under my bright blue eyes. I gave a general idea and people followed. They always follow what Isay. But I have told them so many times that it's optional. It's like I'm their president or something. Haha.
Everyone was laying down. And soon they silently slept. I checked one by one, making sure they were all asleep. All but Samuel who offered to keep watch. He seemed fine. I trust him. I have to. I sit down and slowly fall asleep. Thank God. Something I can be greatful for...