perfection doesent exist in my world

sam is a girl who is struggeling in life. she has a story to tell,she has been trougt alot and she's only 16.

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3. the start

well this sucks.. i have no friends,get called names,ignored,laughed at,.. tis is no way to start a new school and it's has just been a week since i'm here. i don't like it here. yes i tell evryone i'm fine cuz if i say something the'll make more fun of me so i got thinking what are my choices?

i choose to get tough i started takling back,scaring them,.. i know it's bad but hey it worked but still i knew they were taking bihind my back.. till this girl came,a "newbee" we got talking and turns out she also got bullied and is in my class. she is a 13 year olg girl who i just thougt was funny sweet and amazing,trough out the schoolyear we got to be best friends,we had inside jokes,we tought the same like the same music, i was so thankfull i finaly had someone.

so one day we were walking on the playground and started talking about random things and it started gettig serious,she asked if something "what do you think of me" i already knew where it was gonna lead.. i was nervous so i said that i think that she was a funny and sweet girl and then i asked her why? she started blushing and talking in halfsentensces untill she said "look i like you alot and i have this big crush on you and i just wanted to ask you if you wanted to be my girlfriend..."i was shocked i did'ent know what to say she saw it and started to apolagise. but she looked so cute so i shut her up and said i never thougt of an relationship with a girl so i don't really know what to do but i am willing to try how it is with a girl so my answer is..yes. she looked at me with a shocked face,i could tell she never thougt i would say okay.she was so happy she hugged me. over a period of months we alredy saw eathother evry schoolday and i realy started to love her but we could never kiss because there where kids evrywhere so one day we started talking about kissing and the fact that we still havent done that and we where in a relationship for about 2 months now,i got nervous and was scared because evrytime i even kiss someone on the cheek i think about that creep who kissed me... so i told her, she was understanding thank god. so one day we were going swimming with the class and we have these kubicles for 2 persons to change and i got thinking we could kiss now? so as we wher changing i looked at her and said we could kiss now youknow... she looked at me and sad "are you sure?" i leand in and kissed her. i saw him infront of me and tilted my head away and then started crying. she knew why, all she did was hug me and said "ti's okay,evrything is gonna be okay" later in the busride back i said that i'm glad that she understood and kissed her on the cheek,we held hands under my jacket the whole time back.

the next day people started saying that i and victoria where lesbians and that one girl saw us kissing,they started pointing and laughing and calling us gay... i couldent take it anymore i started screaming back at people saying it was'ent true and that they could go fuck themselves my girlfriend did the same thing.

we where so scared of people knowing we knew that if evryone knew that we would get bullied  for being different... in the end it all got sorted and we made them belive that it wasent true with a teatchers help. but then a girl that i knew we started talking and at one point she asked if maybe she could sleep over,i said okay even tough i found it wierd we almost never talked and now she's sleeping over? so finaly she came to my house wich i was ashamed from because my stepdad works on cars and he leaves his junk evrywhere but she said she did'ent mind.

so nigt came and we where in my bed talking and she asked if she cousk me something i said okay but she was to shy to ask so she typed it on her phone it said "would you like to kiss me?" i looked wierd at her and asked why she typed "i would like to know how it would feel to kiss a girl" so i said " i don't know if we should do that" but in a way she made me say okay and we leand in.. but i stopped and turnd my head and said " i don't want to do this i'm sorry but i'm tired so i think we should go to sleep" she understood and said okay sleepwell.

somehow i felt in my gut that it'll come back and bite me in the ass. 

monday morning in school evrything looked ok first but it wasen't a roomer was going around that i was gay,again. so i did what i thougt was the right thing and went to my teacher.

that was the best thing i ever could do because evryone who laughed at me got extra homework and a lecture but me and victoria. i was still in panic though i really diden't want enyone to know what i was,it started getting harder to hide that i was in a relationship with vic so i had a talk with her and ended the relationship... we where both sad and diden't want to end us but we had to do that,we made a promise that we would stay bestfriends forever. and today 4 years later,we still are.

 

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