Drinking, Driving and Drafting

Dean Winchester cracks after Castiel dies and spends months driving to states he doesn't know a thing about, drinking anything he can, and drafting letters that he'll never get a chance to send.

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18. XVIII

Dear Cas,

It's been almost a year. One year since it happened. I have spent 12 months pouring my soul into these letters. And I don't know what else to do. They only helped for so long.

They helped me cope with the pain of losing you but eventually that faded until this was just a fucking normal thing for me to do. They stopped helping 5 months ago but I kept writing and burning the pages. Those letters made me feel absolute fucked.

 I shouldn't be fucking crying into pages that will never be read. I am a grown ass man who is so broken and with scars being reopened because I lost control, Castiel. All because of the absolutely beautiful man who I happen to love.

Son of a bitch, Cas, I don't know how much longer I can hold on. 

                                                                                                           Dean

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