I haven't written any type of letter in a long time. And I guess the only reason I'm sitting here, in the bunker, with a sheet of paper and a pen is because yesterday you died. You fell so long ago and now you're dead. My emotions faded when I became a demon but your death pulled me back. I guess it was the thought of never seeing you again that untwisted my soul. I still love you, Cas, I always have. I will never stop loving you no matter what happens. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me and my biggest regret is letting you go. After everything we've been through all I want is you by my side again, with or without Sam.
I'm so sorry for letting you die. I wish I could go back in time, drag your ass back to me and kiss the hell out of you. But I can't and I didn't. I miss you Cas. More than I can put into words. I want you back and I want you with me. But you won't come back.
When you died I thought I was going to die. My emotions were held back and I didn't get the full blow until I almost killed Sam, right before he tried to cleanse me. It took days. I'm so so sorry Cas. I know you'll never get this but I want you back. I need you.
I love you,