The Conquests and Happenings of the ZORG

From classrooms and friendships to battlefields and aliens, the ZORG will prevail. Gazumph!

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4. Neon Hedgehog Headaches

Picture an hedgehog-like creature that walks on it’s two back legs. Paint it brown, and tip its spikes with neon-painted, razor-sharp metal caps. Now give it colorful streaks in it’s brown fur. Give it a colorful utility type belt to store it’s weapons.

Congratulations, you have a Tealian in you head.

And, no. They aren’t as bad at camouflage as they seem like they should be, considering the state of their home planet. It’s a small planet, entirely crafted of a patchwork of neon colors and steep hills. They blend in quite well there. It’s when they fight in other places they get in trouble.

When visiting that planet, it’s commonly advised to take a few painkillers in time for the effects of the drugs to kick in before you arrive. Mostly because, man, that place is loud! Tealians like to talk. Like, they really really like to talk. They also love attention (and make great pets, but that’s a topic for another day).

So, when you visit Teal (the name and official color of the planet), you’re instantly overwhelmed by chattering, whining, gossiping, talking, shouting, singing Tealians.

It’s enough to give anyone a headache.

Also, another thing you should know, is to never trust a Tealian. Not that you’d be inclined to trust a neon hedgehog-like creature, right?

If you would be inclined to trust a neon hedgehog-like creature, you shouldn’t. Because Tealians love attention. It’s like food. They can’t go without it. And they’ll do anything to get attention. From “puppy-hog eyes” to bad singing, to making up rumors, to stabbing kittens in the neck, Tealians can and will try to steal your attention, so guard it carefully.

Really, the best way to go is to stay as far away from Tealians as you can and let the ZORG give them the attention they so desperately desire. Unless you want to keep one as a pet. But, as I said before, that’s a discussion for another day.

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