Fuck You Over

*Said I was a douche bag won't call back, worst hangover you ever had. Felt so good at first but you knew it would never last.*
I stared at the girl in the front seat. Was that really my only competition? I had to be up against something better than that, something more classy and less trashy perhaps?
"This is Violet, she goes to the high school down the road from ours." Ashton said smirking at me. I smiled and shook her hand.
"Hey, I'm Hunter. It's a pleasure to meet you." I said sitting back in my seat. Ashton stared at me questioningly before turning the car on.
"We're gonna make one more stop at my friend Luke's house real quick." He said to Violet. She nodded. Oh no, he knew he was on to me. I sighed heavily and did breathing exercises. I forgot about Luke's part in my plan. Pretend I wasn't madly in love with him… seems easy enough.
.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•
Hunter Masters is your regular high school teenager. She tutors for extra credit and sh

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8. First Kiss and First Time

7- First Kiss and First Times

I had been diagnosed with the flu which only Michael, Ashton and my dad remotely even cared about. Luke wasn't talking to me and Ally was only talking about how much Ashton was over at my house. Cassie came over twice to make sure I turned in my homework. Winter break started officially when Michael and Ashton got off of school and came over to hang out with me. My dad took a leave of absence at work which I told him we couldn't afford. He simply laughed it off and replied,

"You can't afford to not shower everyday."

I had scoffed and later took a shower. Ashton didn't hang with Violet as much as he used to. And as much as I hate to say it, I was relieved I had him more than she did. I guess I got slightly jealous when he'd laugh at her texts or something around that. But he'd always do something to make it up. Tease me or kiss my cheek when I was falling asleep or something. It was sweet and it made me feel special. Odd things were happening in this house. My dad was being fatherly, well more than usual. When Michael invited me to go on a three day ski resort with his family my dad said he wasn't letting his daughter just go wherever she wanted, whenever. I had replied that he hadn't cared before.

"Hunter you're too young to understand a lot things. I just want to spend Christmas with you. Maybe you could throw a party." He offered.

"I know seven people and two of those people aren't allowed in the same room." I said.

"C'mon Hunter, cut me some slack. I'm a full time doctor and a full time parent. I need to know you're safe and the only way I can guarantee that is if you stay here." He said. I sighed and walked up to my bedroom. He obviously wasn't going to compromise his position. I had spent days wondering what I could do to make him change his mind. I couldn't understand what he was trying to keep me safe from. Michael had offered to skip and stay with me but I told him to go ahead. Ally's family spent Christmas break in California with her mom's parents and the Hemings usually went camping and then to Michigan. Great Lake fishing. Not sure if that's illegal. When I had gotten better I decided that I needed to get out of that house. I wrote my dad a note and left a message in his office saying that I was going over to Cassie's.

Cassie was quickly becoming my best friend. She was so open about her feelings towards everything. I had only recently gotten Ashton's number and he was always texting me. Making sure I was fine and didn't need anything. Even after I was done being sick he still wasn't convinced. He even made me go to my dad's office to get a check up and tested.

"Is he literally texting you right now? Calum said they're eating dinner." She laughed. I texted him back before looking forward.

"He's telling me about the basketball game. I asked and he is very lively about it." I chuckled.

"Calum says he talks about you. At random times when they're doing something, he'll bring you up. Like if there's a girl wearing ankle boots he'll make a reference about your hatred of the boots." She says.

"I do hate ankle boots." I grimaced. Cassie laughed. We were sitting on her bed just talking and getting our minds off of school.

"Text Ashton, tell him to put Calum in his car and bring him to the movies." She demanded. I texted Ashton quickly and his reply was instant.

Ash- go home I'll meet you there. We'll watch Netflix at urs. ;)

I chuckled.

"Ashton wants to be alone. He's inviting me to my room for a Netflix marathon." I said getting up.

"That sounds almost better than a make out marathon. Have you guys even kissed yet?"

"Foreheads and cheeks." I replied stuffing my foot into my shoe. I didn't bother untying it or fixing it. I lived five minutes away.

"What are you waiting for?"

"Me not to be deathly ill," I said. She snickered.

"Look if not tonight then soon. Have you ever kissed someone before?"

"Look, Cassie I like you too but not like that." I teased.

"Shut up, I'm serious. Calum was my first... Everything." She said.

"Because you and Calum have been together longer than Adam and Eve. And yes I've kissed someone. I've never had sex but I'm pretty well versed in the ways. Thank you MTV." I said.

"Who was your first kiss?" She asked. "I mean make out kiss not peck on the lips." She said.

"Well it was the same guy." I said.

"Who!?" She pushed. I looked down and rubbed my forehead.

"Michael Clifford." I said shaking my head. Nothing. She didn't say anything. I looked up and Cassie was shocked. Her mouth literally wide open.

"You hooked up with Michael Clifford? Michael Clifford the one you tutor in math Michael Clifford?" She asked.

"Yes,"

"Story time. Boyfriend can wait." I sighed and sat back on the bed.

"When we first started sophomore year I started my second year tutoring Michael. We were in his room one day taking about like who he wanted to get into the pants of and I scoffed and said 'I haven't even kissed anyone yet' and he laughed at me saying I was just a late bloomer and that it wasn't hard to do. Then he like just did it. And then like there was touching and I stopped it before either of us had any clothes removed." I said.

"Was it just one time?" She asks.

"It was a few times after. We kinda just fooled around with each other for awhile." I shrugged.

"That's why he always looks at you like that. Like he's seen you in the nude. He could micromanage your life and make you think it was your choice." She said.

"No he can't." I shake my head.

"You're right. You can tell this Ashton thing is killing him since you won't listen." I scoff. Really?

"He'll get over it. It's just he thinks he knows what I'm thinking all the time."

"You're so readable. That's not what people want to hear but it's true. I can see through you like one way glass." She said shaking her head. I thought for a moment. If I was so transparent then why doesn't anyone act on it?

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.

When I finally made it home Ashton was on my porch staring at the sky. It was weird. Ashton was always on his phone texting or talking. He never just looked around him.

"Stars are so bright. And they just are. It's inevitable not to envy them in some point in your life." He says. I sit next to him look up. His arm wraps around my waist.

"Envy is a sin."

"So? I feel like sins were made to be done. No one can go through life with out committing at least one sin."

"Sins, the ultimate trap."

"Trap?"

"Yeah, lust for example. You're taught to listen to your body. Like what it wants and stuff but what if it wants ya know,"

"Sex? Sex isn't a sin. Lust and sex are two different things." He says.

"How so?"

"Well sex is making love. Lust is just sexual pleasure. So it doesn't necessarily have to be sex as a whole. It could be masturbation or prostitution things; Lap dances etcetera." He said.

"What about falling in love?" I ask.

"Where would that fall?" He counters.

"Love is used to gain sexual pleasure. Wouldn't that be lust?" I asked. He looked back up at the sky.

"Why don't you ever ask normal questions? What's your favorite color? What's your dogs name? Things like that." He chuckled.

"I'm sorry, I just love talking to you about your opinion on things."

"I love talking to you too. You're not close minded." I looked straight ahead. The stars were getting brighter and brighter as we sat. I bit my lip. Ashton looked even more beautiful in the light of the moon. His eyes gleamed and I couldn't imagine what would be an even better time to kiss him. We were going to have to sooner or later. Even if we were only dating for fake.

"Why haven't you tried to kiss me yet?" I asked.

"Do you want me to kiss you?" He asked

"Do you want to kiss me?"

"I don't know." He said. I looked down. What does that mean? I don't know? You have two choice yes or no. And if we are being horny then hell fucking yeah.

"Oh," I sighed.

"It's getting cold and my dad doesn't want me out for to long so I'm gonna head inside." I said not inviting him purposely.

"I'll see you tomorrow then." He said. I nodded and walked inside.

I don't know?

Why does his uncertainty bother me so much. Does my breath stink? Do I suck?

I decided to call my personal expert. She answered on the first ring.

"I'm guessing movie nights a crash." Cassie chuckled.

"He said he doesn't know if he wants to kiss me." I said.

"What? What does that even mean?" She asked.

"Maybe he's just not ready for that. Commitment maybe?" I asked.

"If anything I think it might be he just doesn't want to rush anything. You guys have only been dating a month or so." A month already?

"It's been a month already?" I asked

"Party was about a month ago." She said. I sighed. What was happening.

"Ok well I'll text you later or something. I'm really tired and I need to clear my brain." I told her.

"Two words. Bubble bath." She said before hanging up. I decided to take her advice and take a bubble bath.

I laid in the water closing my eyes. I was so alone all the time. My mom didn't want me my dad spent his days providing for me and my friend just wanted me to help her get her ex back. Her sweet, handsome, funny, smart and witty ex that I couldn't seem to act normal around. Or maybe I didn't act normal around everyone else. Maybe I only acted normal around him. I got out of the bath and changed into pajamas. My bed was waiting for me and I was eager to get in. I clicked the light switch and my eyes slowly fell closed. As I was turning to the side of unconsciousness I heard my phone ringing. I answered it yawning.

"Hello?"

"Love is a sin." He said. Ashton's voice sounded weird almost sad.

"I know. It's stupid."

"Love or sins."

"Love. Forever never lasts. I wish it could." I said.

"It's wishful thinking. Love is a hard thing to grasp."

"Do you want to fall in love?"

"No, that would suck."

"I want to fall in love."

"Yeah, you're a girl. That's what girls do."

"Want a make a deal?"

"Sure."

"We have to not fall in love. Not just not with one another but ever. So we don't have to go through it. I'd hate to see you so sad and broken." I said. There was a hum on the other side.

"Deal."

"Deal." I said. I don't know why I made him promise not to love me. Maybes there was se reconciliation made in him not loving me. A personal sorry I screwed you.

"I should've kissed you." He sighs.

"I should've made you."

"That's not forceful at all." I can hear the smirk on his lips.

"You know I mean it in the most loving nonsexual way." I chuckled.

"It could've been sexual. I wouldn't mind that."

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"What normal guys who have to go home alone because their girlfriend spazzed out and kicked them out. Laying in bed talking to you." He said.

"You seem well versed." I said chuckling.

"What are you doing?"

"I was sleeping."

"Really? I'd thought you went and fucked some stranger to get back at me."

"It's only been two hours." I said. Talking to Ashton in the dark was so weird. Like he was here but not at the same time.

"Some guys go fast."

"Hmmm,"

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me what you're thinking. I can't see your expressions."

"I don't want to say."

"Then let me guess."

"Go ahead. I wouldn't care."

"You can't lie."

"I wouldn't think of it."

"That's a lie."

"Just hurry up and guess."

"Ok, were you thinking of how hot I look shirtless?"

"What? No!" I said.

"You're thinking about it now aren't you?" He asked.

"Because you brought it up." I said.

"So you admit I look good shirtless?"

"Oh God." I laughed

"Please tell me. I promise not to laugh or make a comment."

"Fine. You promise?"

"Absolutely."

"I was thinking about how fast you were." I covered my face even though I couldn't be seen. Ashton wasn't responding so I hung up and yelled into a pillow. My phone rang again. I picked it up and slid it open.

"Did you really just hang up on me because you were embarrassed?" He asks.

"You weren't talking!" I said frantic.

"I wasn't allowed to comment! How do you even comment on that? 'Oh, totally understandable thing to think about.' What the hell?!" He laughed.

"You said you wouldn't laugh."

"I'm laughing at you yelling at me because I didn't respond to your unnecessary penis remark."

"Unnecessary? You thought I was having anger sex with a stranger!"

"People do it all the time." He said.

"I wouldn't waste it because I was upset with you. Or upset with anybody." I said. The line was quiet for a minute. I could tell he was thinking of his next response carefully.

"Don't get all angry and defensive. You don't have to answer the question. I just want to know."

"Shoot." I said already know what he was going to ask.

"Are you a virgin?" He said almost whispering it.

"Yeah,"

"That's cool." He said.

"It's obviously not."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a senior and I still haven't had sex yet. I know freshmen who have already been with half the school."

"Well that's them. You're you. Doesn't make me look at you any different."

.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

Ashton and I talked on the phone all night long. When I heard the door open and closed.

"My dad's home." I whispered.

"It's like three in the morning." He said.

"What are you thinking right now?" I asked him.

"Nothing. I'm just...listening." He said.

"To?"

"Your voice. It's melodic."

"Do you say that to all your girlfriends?"

"Ha, I wouldn't be on the phone until three in the morning with them." He said. I chuckled.

"Hunter? Are you still up?" My father asked.

"Yeah, dad." I said.

"I'll call you tomorrow, ok?" Ashton asked.

"Yeah, tomorrow. Or later." I said hanging up the phone. My dad loosened his tie and sat at my desk.

"Who was that? Ally?"

"Ashton." I said sitting up in bed.

"You spent all night talking to him on the phone?"

"Yeah,"

"I'd love to meet him. Since ya know he's your boyfriend and all."

"He's not really into the whole family thing." I said.

"Well then he's not allowed to date you. You aren't allowed to go anywhere with him. Is that understood?"

"Why? That's unfair?" I said angrily. My dad not saying yes or fine was not normal.

"You are so very spoiled my dear." He said laughing.

"I just want to understand why I'm not allowed to date him anymore."

"He doesn't want to meet me then he's obviously hiding a pound of coke and some heroine in his car." He said. I rolled my eyes.

"Fine he'll come and meet you." I gave in. My dad smiled and kissed my forehead.

"Into bed little one."

"I'm going, I'm going." I said pulling the blanket over my body. My dad left the room closing my door shut. I couldn't sleep though. Talking to Ashton was like talking to someone important. Someone who was just like you ten times over. Inside it actually felt like we were together.

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