Over the past two weeks, Nick has been coming over nearly everyday to help with homework. Today, I face the fear I've had since I woke up in the hospital, I'm going back to school. When people found out Daniel was cutting himself, they where cruel and hateful. That's why I don't have him anymore. I got up and took a shower. Then I did my makeup. Then I drove to school. For the last three years, I was scared someone would know that I cut. Now everyone knows and they all think I almost killed myself. Maybe this was what Daniel was terrified of. Maybe that's why he didn't stop the bleeding. When I finally made it to school, I had an anxiety attack. I couldn't catch my breath. then I heard a knock on my window. Nick, the only friend I have ever had other than Daniel. I opened my door and got my bag. "Hi," I said. "Hi," He was standing so close to me. I couldn't move because there was no space to move in. "Why are you so close to me?" I asked looking at him. "You know, I'm not sure. How are you?" He said stepping back. "I'm panicked." I said walking toward the school. Nick walked beside me. We didn't talk.
I went to the office to get an admit slip. The lady writing it just looked at me in pity. I didn't want anyone to pity me. I took the note from her and walked to class, which I was late too. When I walked in, everyone looked at me. I handed the admit slip to my teacher. He signed it. "Sit." he said. I did what I was told and walked past all the staring teenagers and sat in my seat. I felt out of place. I felt like I needed to be somewhere else. I set my chin on my books and listened to the lesson, ignoring the feeling. Then it was the class I had dreaded all day, Algebra. Its not that I didn't like the class, because I loved it, it was just that Logan was in there. I knew he would say something. I sat in my seat and tried to act like I've been here for the past few weeks. Then Logan walked in and my body told me to leave, I ignored it. I was not going to run away from my fears. "So you are still alive. I thought you had finally killed yourself." I ignored him. "You know, I guess this means your suicidal now, huh? Your boyfriend was. He actually did it though. He was-" I cut him off. "You and your friends are the only reason Daniel is gone." I wanted to say more and slap him but I couldn't. "Im sure." he said sarcastically. "Daniel was the nicest person in this school. You just didn't take the time to see him for who he was." I said. "That hypocritical." "Yeah? How?" I asked. "You see me as the guy who killed your boyfriend, but really, he could have stopped. I wasn't the one who slit his wrist." He said. My eyes filled with tears. I looked away. I didn't feel as confident as I did five minuets ago. Nick walked in and sat in his seat behind Logan. "I guess you'll be the next attempt?" he said to Nick. Nick ignored him. I saw him look at me in the corner of my eye. I couldn't look back.
After class I practically ran to my car and waited for Nick. When he finally came, I started the car. He got in and looked out the window. I just let the tears slip out of my eyes. "What was I thinking?" I said. "Daniel did it. Daniel, not everyone else." I said. "What are you talking about?" Nick asked. "I blamed everyone for Daniels death. I blamed myself even. But it wasn't me or anyone else. Daniel killed Daniel. He just ended everything for himself. He had a future. We had a future together. He promised and he just thought it would be okay to leave me! Logan didn't kill Daniel. I didn't kill him. Daniel was selfish. He left me, his mom, his whole family. No, no one was involved in Daniels death, except Daniel." I was so mad at him, I was mad at myself. "And you know what, I am just as bad as him." Tears rolled down my face as I hit the top of the steering wheel. Nick just looked at me. He pulled my face to look at him. "Daniel's life was short, that was unfair. Not only to him but to you. It kills me to see you so sad all the time, Maggie. Daniels death was no ones fault, not even Daniels. The demons he had just won the battle." He said. Then he looked away. I just stared at him. Then I drove out of the parking lot. I turned toward Nicks house. "Where are you going?" He asked. "Don't you want to go home?" I asked. "I thought you wanted to hang out." "Oh, well then, there's a park just down this way. We can hang out there." I said. The ride was silent, no one had the courage to say anything. Everything that needed to be said, was said. I pulled up to the park and turned the car off. We got out and went to the bench. My tears were dry. "Are you okay?" Nick asked me. "Please don't be like Daniel and I. Please be stronger than us." I said. I looked at Nick who was already looking at me. Next thing I knew his lips where on mine. My body tensed, I couldn't move. I comprehended what was going on and pushed Nick away. He looked at me disappointed. I wasn't mad at him, I just felt guilty. I felt like I was Cheating on Daniel. 'Shut up Maggie. He is gone. He is dead. You are alive. Live your life while you have it.' I told myself. Then I grabbed Nicks gray Rolling Stones shirt and pulled him into another kiss. Then he grabbed my face in his hands holding me in the kiss. His lips where soft, They tasted like what you feel when you eat a fresh baked cookie right out of the oven. My heart pounded so loud I could feel it in my ears. Then it was over. I looked into Nicks brown eyes that where looking right back at me. You hear everyone say 'Their eyes sparkle so bright,' but no one knew what sparkling eyes looked like unless they looked into Nicks eyes. Our faces where so close that our noses touched. I quickly moved. "Well that was.." Nick said not having a word to finish the sentence. I started laughing. It was the first time I laughed since Daniel. "What's so funny?" Nick asked. "That was amazing, Nick." I said. Nick smiled at me satisfied that I thought our kiss was just as good as he thought.
This is our last year in high school." I said. "Yeah?" Daniel said. "How will we ever survive?" I said falling from my sitting position to my side. "Same way we have for he past three years. Day by day." Daniel said. "Daniel, If I ever die, I want you to find someone else. I want you to love someone." I said. "Maggie, we are only seniors. You're not going to die." Daniel said. "You said yourself 'Death has no warning'" I said trying to make my voice sound like his. Raspy and low. It sounded like Heaven. Sometimes, at three in the morning I'd call him just so he can talk gibberish so I would fall asleep. Daniel tackled me and held my wrist to the ground. then he sat on my waist holding me down. I laughed so hard. Then he leaned over to my ear. "If I ever die, I want you to find someone better than me. But good luck," He said. I was still laughing. Daniel sat up so he was face to face with me. He kissed me.