"Do you ever think about what there is after we die?" He asked me
"yeah. All the time." I say.
"This preacher once told me about this guy. He was told to be the Son of God. I think I believe that story. I mean I want to believe we aren't like the ancient Greeks. I don't wanna do to Hades pool of souls." I laughed at him.
"Daniel. If you ever die. I know there will be something waiting for you. Something great. Like Neverland. That's where I want to go. I want to fly and believe in fairies. And fight pirates and be a..kid."
"You know, people underestimate you Maggie."
"Oh really? How so?" I ask.
"They all say you have a dark mind and all you could possibly think about is death and hate. Their all wrong though. You have the mind of child. Of course there is a little twist in this children's book you call a mind."
I was woken up by my alarm clock. School. I wasn't going today on the account that my boyfriend had just died. I turned off my alarm and tried to fall back asleep. I couldn't. I dreamed about him. I didn't want to think. I didn't want to feel. I didn't want anything that would remind me of him. I got up and went to the bathroom. I took a shower and washed my fresh cuts. I shouldn't have done that. Those cuts will remind me of him every time I look at them. That's the last thing I want. My mom knocked on the bathroom door.
"Honey. I see your awake. Are you going to school?" She asked. What a stupid question. I may never go to school again. I sat next to him in nearly every class we had together.
"No mom. Not today. I don't think I can take it." Silence.
"Okay." Was all she said before she walked away. I sat down in the tub and pulled my knees to my chest. When something like this happens you can't help but think of the memories you have of them.
"You can't be serious!" I said laughing at his stupidity.
"Aren't I always?" He seemed so happy when I was with him.
"Daniel your gonna get hurt." I said seriously. He was dangling from a tree branch above nearly frozen water.
"Oh shut up." Then he let go. Crashing into the thin ice and going into the pond. I panic and run to the nearest piece of land.
"Daniel!!" I yell. Then he comes up. I reach for him to help him up. He grabs my hand and brings himself to the muddy grass. I grab his face, which is pale and his lips are blue. His hair was dripping with cold water. "Are you okay?!" He laughed.
"I'm fine. It was a rush. I felt.. Alive." I looked at him confused. I was angry with him.
"You're going to get sick!" I stated sternly. He shrugged.
"Will you take care of me?"
I let the tears fall from my eyes. I didn't even wipe them away. I went to my closet and picked out an outfit for the day. Black pants and one of his shirts. It has a bands name on it at one point. It's to faded to know who the band was. Even if it wasn't faded, no one would know who the band was. Daniel loved old music just as much as I loved fantasying about a different world I could fly too and live happily ever after. I walked back to my bed and laid down. My hair was wet and cold. I didn't care though. I just wanted to sleep. Ever since I got that call from his mom, I couldn't sleep well. I laid there thinking about him. Then I'd yell at myself in my mind and change what I'd be thinking about. It never lasted long though. I always found away to think about him. About the way he looked everyday. They way he smelled. Him. Of course people say it gets easier with time. But who's to say how much time we actually have to let it get easier. No one has that kind of power. The door opened letting in light from the living room. "Maggie,you need to get up." My dad said. I stayed quiet. He walked over to my bed and sat next to me.
"It hurts." I said. Tears slip from my eyes. "He was my world dad. And now he is gone." Dad tried to comfort me, it only made me cry harder.
"Sometimes, life is cruel. It beats you to a pulp. It rips you to shreds. But it only does that to prepare you for something in the future." My dad was a math teacher at my high school, but I think he should have been a motivational speaker.
"It wasn't life who killed Daniel." I said. Then I sat up and hugged my father. I cried about everything bad that was going on. I cried about school and I hadn't gone in almost a week. "Daddy, does it get better?" I asked.
"Oh honey. It just gets easier to think about something else."
"Daniel, please just tell me what's wrong!" I said with tears in my eyes.
"Maggie not now."
"You can't keep secrets from me anymore! You need help!" I yelled.
"And say what, Maggie? Oh 'I cut myself and think about death often, kill me please.' You're such a hypocrite. Maggie you do it too." I stopped talking then.
"Why didn't you tell me about this?" I asked.
"I can ask the same thing now can't I?" He tried to walk away from me but I grabbed his arm.
"Daniel, promise me you'll stop." He looked at me. Silence. "Promise me you'll stop!" I grew louder.
"And what about you? Will you stop? Will you just quit because of a promise?"
"For you, I'd do anything. Even if you don't promise, Daniel, I will." I said.
We where outside his house. He had a huge lawn. It had acres of land. It was our favorite spot. Right in the middle where a beautiful meadow had formed. I hugged him tight. He was a few inches taller than me so he put his chin on my head and hugged me even tighter. Then he said: "I promise."
"Maggie dinners ready!" My mom yelled. I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to get out of bed. I did anyways. I walked out of my room and sat in my chair at the table. Mom gave me my plate. Spaghetti and meatballs. We said grace and ate our dinner in silence. My parents where always cautious about what they said to me, but even more now than before. They think saying the thing would trigger my brain and I'd kill myself like he did. I never thought about killing myself. Yes I thought about death, but never by my own hand. Yes I did self harm, but never because I wanted to die. Mom and dad knew I use to cut. They seen my scars and they knew instantly. Who wouldn't? I ate and then went to my room. I'm sure they felt like a dark cloud lift off their shoulders. Little do they know, that dark cloud was like a pet to me. Not one of those cute pets but like one that you want to get rid of. It followed me everywhere.
I held his hand and laid on my back. The sky was baby blue and the clouds where stratus. "What makes the sky blue?" Daniel said.
"It's just the way it is."
"No, Maggie, when you were a kid, blue was the color you made the tears on a face that you drew. Blue is a sad color. But when you look at the sky. It doesn't make people sad. Why?"
"Because, you can runaway. Think about a happy place. The sky is beautiful so it makes you think beautiful things. When it's quiet and I'm looking at the sky I think of Neverland."
"You always think of Neverland." He said.
"It's my happy place." It was quiet for the longest time. "What's your happy place?" I asked.
My phone rang beside my bed. It was about 2 am. I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Daniels mom. I answered. "Hello?"
"Maggie. Sorry I know it late but I was in Danny's room and I found something under his pillow. It's a note. I didn't read it because it's addressed to you."
"Yes. Danny left lots of notes remember but we couldn't find yours. We knew it had to be here and I found it!" She was so happy about this. But I was terrified. "Hello?" She said.
"Sorry, I'm still here." "Good. I'm going to bring it to you tomorrow morning. If you want it."
"No don't make the trip. I'll come to you. May I come pick it up now?"
"Your parents won't mind?"
"No this is important."
"Thank you so much!" I hung up and got out of bed quickly. I got my car keys, left a note for mom and dad,and ran outside. On my way to there house I started to panic. Whatever I read on that note will be the last thing he ever wrote to me. I finally made it to her door. I knocked fast and loud. She answered almost immediately. She hugged me and handed me this note.
"Good night darling" she said. Then I turned around. I got in my car and set the note in the passenger side. I drove home. I ran to my room and turned the light on.
"Maggie, I'm sorry. I couldn't keep my promise to you. I couldn't take this life anymore. I love you so much. You're the best thing that had ever happened to me. Please forgive me. Please keep your promise. And move on. Don't keep me in your thoughts forever. I'm not worth the trouble you'll get into if you do. I love you so much. Remember that your beautiful. Your blue eyes and dark hair everything. Your perfect and don't let those idiots tell you otherwise. Please forgive me. I'm sorry. Besides. I have to go. I want to see this Neverland you keep talking about.
I woke up to my alarm. This time I am going to school. Not for me, but for Daniel. I went to the bathroom and did my hair and makeup. Then I got dressed. And I left. I drove to the school. 'Deep breaths' I kept telling myself. Then I walked in. Getting my stuff from my locker and I went to class. I sat down in chemistry. And then it hit me. I don't have a partner. Not for chemistry, not ever I will never have my partner ever again. I blinked back the tears. "Maggie." I heard. Then I was back in the real world. Jackie, a girl in my grade semi-popular, was talking to me. "I'm so sorry about Daniel. I didn't think he would do that." I looked at her. She was one of the people that was mean to him.
"Thanks." I said. Then she walked away. This isn't gonna last long. Someone is going to start the jokes and the comments. Once I finally got to my last hour class I was ready to die. Not literally. I walked into algebra and say down. Some boys walked in laughing. Logan sat next to me. Great..
"So he did it huh?" I didn't speak. "It's about time." Then I got up and walked out. I walked out of the school. I just went home.
We sat on my bench outside my house. Holding hands and talking. "So tell me, what is your favorite thing about me?" He asked.
"Your voice. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't hear that voice everyday." I said.
"My favorite thing about you, is that your you. You're never fake with me." He said. I looked at him. My legs on his as I leaned on the bench side. "I love you."
"I love you too."