72 percent of men, age 16 to 19, self harm. That means 28 percent don't. Daniel was apart of that 72 percent. He did it without anyone noticing though. he never told anyone,until me.
Funerals. I go to them so I can be sad, so I don't have to fake a smile. I have never been to one where I knew the person. My parents always dragged me along with them. This one was different though. This one was my best friend, my safe haven, my boyfriend. I walked into the funeral home and saw the coffin. The one he laid in. I could barley see it though, his family was around it. I walk up to his mom.
"Mrs. Lucas?" I say. She turns around. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying.
"Oh Maggie!" She pulled me into a tight hug. He body began to shake. I felt a lump in my throat and hot tears in my eyes. She finally let me go and grabbed my arms. "Will you speak? Say something nice about him?" I couldn't speak, I knew if I did I'd cry. I nodded.
"Can..." I took a deep breath. "Can I see him?" She nodded and let me through. He was pale and peaceful. I half expected him to get up and tell everyone it was a joke. I half expected him to get up and hug me. I wanted him to tell me everything was alright. I wanted to scream. Instead I just cried. My body shook as I wept. The tears just kept coming. I looked at anything but him. I looked at the flowers someone had put in the casket with him. Daisies, dyed blue.
"Least favorite flower?" I asked.
"Daisies!" He almost yelled. I laughed.
"Why Daisies?" He didn't speak.
"People always make daisies seem soo... Beautiful. But really they smell bad and they attract bees. I hate bees." I laughed even harder.
"Daniel, I love Daisies!" I said. He laughed with me.
"Come on Hun. We need to sit now." I heard his mom say. She led me to a seat next to her. Right in front. Everyone grew silent when the preacher stepped up to speak. Tears still going down my face, I look back at Daniel, knowing he will never look at me again.
"I could give you everything Daniel Lucas's family and friends have told me about him and sum it up and spit it out of my mouth without a care. But that wouldn't be fair to him. In fact that wouldn't be fair to anyone even me. I knew Daniel. He came to church several times with his mom. I have spoken with him once or twice. He had a lot of potential. He talked about school and how mean people where. I told him about Jesus and how people where mean to him too. Daniel understood. Once he told me about the things in his life that made him happy. His family, his girlfriend, and his art. Daniel was very talented. He was a very special young man. His life was short." Then he paused. "His girlfriend, Maggie Mitchell, has a few words." I stood up and walked to the front.
"Daniel and I have been together for almost 3 years. He told me everything. We shared many likes and dislikes. I remember once, Daniel and I, we where being stupid and we went to the pond behind my house. And we just jumped in. It was midnight and freezing outside. Anyways, I had gotten sick a couple days afterward and I told him to not visit. I didn't want to get him sick too. He did anyways, not only did he visit, he took care of me. He would sit on my bed and tell me stories behind his drawings. He made me feel better. When we first started dating, Daniel randomly came to my house and took me out. I didn't know where and I didn't care. I felt safe with him. He took me to an old diner in town. We sat in a booth. It was a fifties themed diner. I couldn't believe he remembered a conversation we had months before we started dating. I told him if I could id go back to the fifties. He took me there." I was crying by then. "Sorry," Was all I could say. I sat back down and cried. His mom hugged me and cried as hard as I did.
"Daniel, this isn't fair!"
"Do you trust me?" He held me above freezing, pond water. It was midnight so a fog was just above the water. The books reflection danced on the surface.
"Yes I trust you!" I looked at him then I looked down at the water just a could feet below me. He kissed my cheek. I looked back at him. His Black hair was in his hazel eyes. I looked at his eyes then his lips. I kissed him, hard. When we pull away, he sets me so I'm standing ankle deep in cold, pond water.
"Yes?" I pull in into the water. It was deeper where he landed. I laughed so hard when he sat up. Then he grabbed my hand and pulled me beside him.
"Daniel!" I yelled while laughing. He kissed me. It was lighter than before. His lips were soft. "Daniel. As much fun this is. I am freezing. And I don't want to get into trouble."
When I got home I laid on my bed and screamed into my pillow. I cried for him to come back. I cursed him out because he left me. I got up and paced my room back and forth. I went to my dresser and threw everything off it. Everything bouncing on the floor. I made sure no glass was broke. Then I found what I needed. The sharp edges, the shine, the memories. I was a year clean from cutting because of Daniel. But now, he was the reason I felt I needed to do it. I placed it to my wrist where old scars lingered. I applied pressure and cut. Not once. Not twice. Not even three times. It felt like a million. But no. It was four. Blood ran down my arm. I ran to my bathroom just off my room and rinsed my arm. I kept my arm under the running water until the blood itself stopped flowing. I began to get mad. Not at Daniel like I was before, But at myself. I promised I wouldn't do it again. No matter what. But he promised we would be together for a long time. He promised he wouldn't hurt himself either. I wasn't the only one to break a promise.
A/N: I hope you guys liked this first chapter. Tell me what you think! Tell me if you want more or if it's just plain stupid to even attempt to write this. Thank you!!