My name is Edith and I am an orphan, which also means, that I have spent most of my childhood at an orphanage being unaware what life outside the fences was like. I was one of those kids who always was daydreaming and requesting for more than I could have. I was deviating the norms of being a virtuous and upright creature; I was considered greedy. The orphanage was filled with ravenous children, so of course I dreamed of something more succulent and filling food, than a piece of bread with a sparing layer of grease. I knew that was an unachievable dream as long as I lived there, so the food was swallowed, and another day was spent on an empty stomach.
I didn’t come to the orphanage alone, but arrived there with my older sister, Marie, after being left by our mom at the train station.
I still remember the heavy sound the slogging locomotive made, and also the warm touch of my mother’s lips pressed against my forehead with the words “I will be right back. I love you.” But she never came back, and after standing at the station, waiting firm and patiently for hours, the two girls were picked up by someone unknown.
The first couple of years I spent at the orphanage I cried myself to sleep in the evenings. Sometimes I even cried during daytime. Where was mom? It got harder for me to communicate with Marie, and it was like a little piece of her died, as every day passed. She sooner or later stopped showing any emotions and ended up becoming a ghost of herself, before she finally died. She was fifteen and I found her hanging from the curtain rail in the dormitory.
Some days I thought about the weather and my mood. It could be a sunny day, but still rain.
I was never really happy during my years at the orphanage and everyday I fought an inner battle with myself. Marie’s death made me somehow depressed even though I lost the contact to her months before she decided to take her own life. It made me feel angry, that she was so selfish – How could she leave me, just as mom did? Where was mom after all?
I felt miserable, but had to believe that sooner or later the clouds would fade from the sky and let the sunshine break through. Daydreaming became my escape to a better place I wanted to visit more than anything else, and as the years passed I became more and more blind to what I really wanted.
At the age of eighteen I became of age, and went into service as a servant. It was also when I turned eighteen my life took a new turn: Before I met my husband posh parties and sumptuous gowns were just a dream, but soon it became reality and I said goodbye to my community and circle of acquaintances in favor of the pleasing porcelain life of my greatest desire … and, oh, I regret it so, so much.
My name is Mrs. Edith Fraser and I am married to the well-reputed Mr. Christian Fraser.