I Want, I Need

Every night, I would lay there, lay there and think. Just think, nothing else.

My mind was empty, the only thoughts exisitng, evolving around him.

A sudden flame, set alight, a sudden heart beat fell, another hit-me-hard moment came to me. I could feel a build of warmth inside me, my eyes widened and my body trembled slightly. A thought floated to the surface, I needed to distract myself from this depth of curiosity. I reached over to grab my phone, hoping to see sings of other human cyber life awake, any notifications maybe? The screen flashed on, only for my eyes to meet the time of 3:23am, and the dissappointment of no other than a notification-free screen. The hell with it, the phone light burned my eyes and my mind was too busy anyway. "But fuck, that light did hurt my eyes a little, and now i'm seeing tiny green splashes everywhere." I shut my eyes to try and rid of these irritating speckles, took me a good five or six minutes before I was seeing 'normal' again, at night your visions really do play up, bastard eyes like to give you hell sometimes huh.

"4:02am? crap. I know it's summer, but I would like to try and get at least one decent wake up time before I go back college. Damn fucking thoughts, why won't you fuck off!?"

laying there, wide awake, my mind racing like a Forumla 1 veichle, I don't know what is going on, i'm thinking about him, but not directly about him. My body is telling me. "No, leave me alone. It can't be." My body was practically yelling, I felt myself tremble, my hands shake, my heart pound, my breath deepen. I couldn't, I couldn't! But I had to! "My body says so, I have to!" I needed to relieve myself of this torturing curiosity. I was about to introduce myself to a moment of magic. I was about to introduce my body into a world full of need and pleasure. I wanted to imagine. I wanted to feel. I wanted to know. I took two two deeper breaths, closed my eyes and let my hands become free.