I run my hand in my hair as I check my bag one more time. Everything I need for the trip is there. I grab my keys and coat before heading to my car. Once I got in, the radio goes on and an 1975 song is being played. I smile, pull the vehicule out of the garage and drive to Holmes Chapel.
The long road extands in front of my eyes, trees and pure nature on the two sides. The beautiful green coulor mixes with the azure sky, creating a flawless harmony made of beauty and sacredness. The sky. The one I always fancied in Nature. The angelic meadow of wonder and a work of art that can never be founf here, on earth. I peacefully examine the large heaven until my eyes meet the horizon.A long black line that seperates us from the upper world. I hate it. I hate it so much because it is the obstacle who keeps me from touching the sky. It is a reminder for all the human alive on this planet, to tell them how they are stuck in the horrible world they made. I stare to the sky, savouring its coulor, suddenly her face flushes in front of me wich takes me by surprize and causes me to lose my control on the wheel for a moment. The fast and sudden it came, her face disappears. My grip tightens, breathing heavier. This was the last thing I’m expecting. To think about her. My questions about who she is abounts. I just know her name, and that she’s a really cool breath taking girl.She’s also amazing and funny and beautiful and... oh God what’s happening to me ? It’s not like I like her ! I met her once !Maybe it’s just that I find her mysterious ? Or maybe it’s her calm behaviour around me.
My parents’ house appears in my sight before I could make an end to my questions. I shake that girl out of my head and stops my car. My sister is already waiting near the window. As soon as she sees me, she runs out of the house in her cute dress. My favourite. I’m actually the one who bought it. I just made it to the garden when long arms wrap tightly around me, leaving it hard for my lungs to breath. I laugh at how excited she is and hug her, rubbing her back gently.
"I missed you so much ! " she cries, her voice cracking.
I close my eyes. When we broke the hug, I give her a small kiss on the cheek.
"I missed you too." The words come sincere and meaningful.
We walk side to side until we enter the simple house. Nothing has changed. The same pale white walls, the same old bookcase with the same historic books over the shelters. I sit on the same couch, darting my eyes around, just like I'm taking back the memories through them. Jasmine faces me. Her cheeks are red, and I know she's too happy that she's about to cry. I didn't see her for three months. He was here and there's no way I'd cross him.
"How are you doing ?" I ask her, my tone's full of concern.
I can distinguish the sorrow in her features.
I close my eyes, hurt waves in me as my mind brings back the awful memories.
"Does he treat you right ? If he ever tries to touch you or anything just tell me you know I'll end him w-" I begin, anger starting to boil.
"Fine. Harry I'm fine." she firmly says.
I don't know how much we stay in silence, heads in our hands, but it seems like hours.
I lift my eyes to look at Jaz', her voice is trumbling and I know there's something bad coming.
My heart starts to beat so fast. Sweat drips from my forehead. I can feel my hole body tensing.
"Jazzy..." I encourage.
She breaks our eye contact, looking out of the window, like she's manipulating what to say, like the words are made of fire,burning her inside. I swallow with difficulty, waiting for the breaking news.
"S-she's not here anymore, she m-moved."
I swiftly stand up, trying to process what I've been told. My lips are parted, and my eyes wide open.
"I went to visit her yesterday but the house was empty. I waited for her, called but she dosen't answer.W-when I asked t-the neighors, they told me s-she moved two weeks ago..." I watch as my sister crumbles, crying. I reach for her and wrap my arms around her smaller body, gently sequeezing . I didn't cry. My mind is frozen and the shock paralyses me. She can't just go without telling us. What if the desease beats her while we're not around ? what if the michevious cancer wins ? She needs us, Jasmine and I. Why did you leave mom... why...
I am too afraid, too confused. That's when I see it. The black shadow that follows me everywhere, bringing the individualism in me, making me feel useless, just like a plastic bag. He always stands meters away and laughs, reminding me of how weak and stupid I am. And I can see him drifting and bringing me down again, where I belong to. He moves a little closer, his laughters filling my ears... killing me. I know the reason, I know why I am just a weak idiot like you'se saying. I can't even protect my mom, my own mother. I hate myself.
"I'm sorry..." I whisper, my voice cracking. "I'm sorry for not being here..."
The hot tears fall from my eyes, tracing their way down my cheeks.
Jasmine struggles a little in my hold. "It's not your fault... " is all I can understand through her sobs.