I wake up and its already 10am, I get up off the sofa and go up to the bathroom to get a shower. Tonight I have work and to be honest I'm not looking forward to it. The only reason I haven't seen any hate is because I've kept away from Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr. Admittedly...I'm scared. I'm good at handling things, sometimes, but somethings are hard. I'm scared I won't handle it. So, I'm not looking at it. But I guess we all have to face things and this time I'm going to have to face the people of the fandom.
I get out the shower and wrap a towel around me, Ashley is still sleeping and she should be. I heard her last night, she isn't doing well. Whenever she gets into a relationship, she really gets into it. This time she's in so deep this time that she's crying herself to sleep and staying up super late crying. I'm worried for her.
I dry my body and wrap my hair up in the towel then put my clothes back on since I have no clean ones here. I put my towels in the wash and leave the bathroom. I go down stairs and look at my phone. I text Luke, Michael would still be sleeping and Lukes a good friend.
Lori: Hi x
Luke: Hey. whats up? x
Lori: Nothing, is Mikey sleepin?
Luke: Yeah, nope. Just woke up. Haha. :) x
Lori: Haha lol. Like he does. How r u? x
Luke: Im good. Cant wait for the two days we get off. x
Lori: Yeah! I know, so glad. Missed you all some much. x
Luke: We missed you too. x
Lori: Tell Ash to Skype Ashley tonight, she misses him tons. x
Luke: Will do. x
Lori: K, I'm gonna go. Byee xx
Luke: C ya x
I call Michael and he doesn't pick up, weird. But I go up stairs and sit on the edge of Ashley's bed, I get my phone out and text Ashton.
Lori : Hey. She misses you tons btw. x
I didn't wait on a reply, I just slowly wake Ashley up. She moans and groans as she tosses about.
"Ashley, babe. Wake up." I say softly, she does nothing so I give up. I go down stairs and clean her kitchen, vacuum her living room and empty her bins just to keep myself busy.
These days are just so boring, I have work tomorrow but I don't want to go. The hate I could get would be catastrophic!
After I'd cleaned everything I decide to log into my Twitter account, I feel a little nervous just from the things Ashley had said yesterday and all the other people who'd had nasty things been said to them. As soon as I'd logged in I had a whole load of notifications, follows, mentions, dm's. I click on my profile and saw I had over 2m followers but then I saw the tweets and mentions.
'omfg. you just ugly and slutty.'
'you dont deserve michael, he doesnt love you.'
'youre just a needy bitch who sucks money out of people.'
'@Lori_Angels wtf name is that? you're a devil.'
'@Lori_Angels Angels? bitch PLZ! you no angel.'
Tweet after tweet, line after line, insult after insult. It was all the same thing, hate. In different phrases, the same thing, and I didn't know I was crying until a tear fell in the screen of my phone. I wiped the tears away and put my phone away. As I take a deep breath and stand I whisper to myself;
"Its all okay."
"I'm fine. Nothing can get to me." I reassure myself. I walk to the kitchen and just put the kettle on.
I make a drink and sit back on the sofa, Ash still hasn't woken up and I need to get changed. I put the mug on the table and go back down to my house. I go in and up to the bathroom to take a shower.
I get out the shower and put on a black and grey striped sweater with dark blue skinnies and white chucks. I put my hair in a messy bun and Michael called me.
"Hey, baby." He says when I answer the call, I can tell he's smiling.
"Hi, Mikey." I reply, trying to be happy but the sound of his voice makes me feel as if I don't deserve him.
"Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm fine." I tell him reassuringly.
"Oh, good. What are you up to?" He asks, I breath in deeply and reply.
"Oh nothing really, spent the night at Ashley's and just got home."
"Cool, I missed our Skype call." He says, I thought about what country he is in now. Britain? I have no idea, although I should.
"Oh, yeah I know but just wait. A few more days...you'll be here and we'll be together." I smile down the phone.
"And I can't wait to feel your lips against mine, with the new art." He laughs.
After we hang up and lay on the bed, my phone buzzes.
Ashton: Hey ash wont answer.
Lori: oh, well...
Ashton: Well what?
Lori: She's been weird lately. hate, missin you and stuff.
I don't get a reply but I am tired and don't feel well so I put my phone away and go to sleep.