I rush and push through the crowd of people milling along the side walk. I stumble over people's shoes and bags, mumbling apologises but slowly making progress. The night is foggy and the street is alive with the sound of blaring horns and people shouting over the top of one another. I turn a corner, into a dark ally way and take small quick foot steps keeping my head down low and hands tucked warmly into my leather jacket. 'He didn't love you. No one loves you' my mind screams at me 'you did this to him, this is you're fault'. I start into a quick jog, hoping to outrun the pain and the memories. 'Do it' my mind whispers 'no ones going to miss you. You're a killer'.
"Shut up. Shut up!!" I shout as tears slide down down my face, ruining my mascara.
By the time I'm nearing the bridge I'm running, running as fast as my legs allow me, my lungs on fire from the cold winter air. I pull up into a jog and pace along side of the bridge until I find a crack in the wall I'm all to familiar with. The split in the wall beckons me closer, whispering my name as if it knows what I want, know what I'm thinking. I slip my way through the crack and shimmy my way alone a thin, crumbling ledge until I reach an old rusty stair case. I walk slowly up it, hearing each step moan from the weight I'm putting on them, waiting for one to snap, sending me spiralling to my 'tragic' death, but one never does. As I reach the top my breath catches and my heart stops. My eyes greedily take in the view, devouring every last detail and memory, I remember all to well the last time I was up here. I remember the way the lights from the city skipped and danced across the water, much like tonight, and how his hand felt pressed against mine. It physically pains me that almost a year has skipped by, like I've been living my life on auto-pilot. My days alone and my nights, even more so. I breathe in, tasting the salt filled air on my tongue and a smile almost forms on my lips. I love the way the air up here tastes and smells, just like the salty fragrance of the ocean. It reminds me of him in a way, and for that I'm grateful. I curl up against one of the poles, blocking me form most of the harsh winds. My mind feels free here, I feel free. Free like birds that sore way over the clouds, free like the dolphins that play in the oceans. Free...
"Please.." I whisper to the winds as I slip into a peaceful sleep, "let me be free.."
The winds listen to my plea and carry my voice gently, floating it up and out over the ocean to somewhere else, somewhere beautiful.
- this is just the start, but I don't know if it's any good? Opinions would be very helpful please and thank you :) xox-