8. Not coming back
I stand staring at the door. Ella is gone. I lost her. I told myself that I would never do this. I sink to the floor. How could I have done this? I let the public get to me. “Stupid rumors” I think burying my face in my hands. The tears come as I look at the picture of Ella and I in my wallet. I jump up and throw the wallet across the room. How could I have let this happen? I cry and cry and cry until there is nothing left inside me but an empty heart. I wipe my tears and look at the clock. 9:00pm. Great I have spent my whole day doing nothing. I stand up and walk to the kitchen. I grab a slice of leftover pizza and a random drink from the fridge. I sit on the couch and eat. I cant help but glance at the door every few minutes. “She is not coming back” I say firmly to myself. I finish the tiny drink that I have and walk into my room. I lay down on my bed slowly. Squeezing my eyes shut, pretending that Ella is next to me. I drift into an uneasy sleep. I dream that Ella is running from me. I chase her and she falls to the ground. I raise my hand, ready to hit. I wake up sweaty and frightened. I reach to my side to pull Ella closer to me but then I remember. How could I forget. I fall back asleep for a short period of time. The sun hits my face and I wake up bleary-eyed. I stay in my bed and find myself thinking about my time with Ella. All the times I could have held her tighter.