-The fear of be hurt or in irrational pain.
That definition has my name written all over it. My life is filled with nothing but fear. My past haunts me during everything i do, i cant even sleep for five minutes without something popping up. my life is a living hell with the occasional wish of death. Oh who am i kidding more like an everyday thing that i wish i was dead, i can never seem to rack up the courage to do it tho. This orphanage is my living nightmare, maybe i was just brought into this world to be a voodoo doll of pleasure. I'm never gonna get a break. Or Maybe i will...
I woke up to a loud bell ringing in my ear, i opened my eyes and to my surprise it was miss.page ( note my sarcasm).
"Layken get your ass up.you are supposed to be watching the younger kids while i go out !"
i rolled over in bed and pulled my pillow over my head. Trying to block out this horrible lady. Well that was a mistake, she ripped the blanket off of me and pulled me on the floor. I stood up.
"What the bloody Fuck" i yelled kinda getting in her face.
"Don't! talk to me that way you stupid immature bitch. I'm older then you and i can do what ever i want to you!" she yelled smacking me across the face. She proceeded to walk out of my room and slam the door.
"what a bitch" i yelled walking to my bed and pulling my blanket off of it, i wrapped it around me and walked down the stairs. All the kids were playing outside and Page left so i went into the cupboard and grabbed the bottle of vodka, i opened the lid and took a big gulp. What do i have to lose anyway.
I sat at the 'kitchen table' and started off into space taking a gulp of the burning liquid every now and then. I sat there for what had to be hours before E.J came in and sat next to me.
She was a little girl about the age of five or six. I pretty much raised her in this shitty place.
"Lay I'm hungry, miss.page wouldn't give me any food today... she said i was to fat..." she cried
I looked at her with bloodshot eyes, i wasn't drunk... yet.
"babe go head and eat what ever you want." i smiled gesturing towards the fridge.
Page is gonna be pissed but you cant just not feed one kid out of 30.
E.j sat down next to me with an apple in in her hand.
"So lay how old are you again?" she asked with a bit of apple in her mouth.
"17 as of next month why?" i asked taking another drink of the burning liquid.
"Your to young to be drinking miss.pages stuff." she smile as if she knew it all.
"haha your so funny you little..." the doorbell rang in the middle of my sentence.
"E.J go see who it is and bring them in here i will be right back."
i watched as the little girl skipped out of the room, i practically ran to the cupboard to put the bottle of liquor away.
I opened the fridge and acted as if i did nothing wrong, soon later E.J brought 5 boys into the dinning room. they looked to be all around the age of twenty or so.
"can we please talk to the person in charge?" the blonde one asked.
"that would be me for the moment. miss.page went to the... well she went out." i smiled
"my name is Layken by the way."
they all smiled and said there hellos, right from there i knew this was going to be a hard day.
We had finally made the decision of coming to get my sister, we'll I mean finally meeting her, in my defence i just found out about her, i was looking through some old pictures and i stumbled upon a old photo album, it was me with a baby girl. I alsked mum and sure enough here i am. We walked up the orphanage steps and rang the doorbell. a young girl about the age of five opened the door.
"May I help you?" She asked with her bright hazel eyes shining with the sun.
"We are here to adopt." Liam said kneeling down to the girls level.
"We'll I'm E.J it stands for Emma jay." she smiled "you can come in if you want lay is in the dinning room."
We followed her into the oversized shelter and through a bunch of rooms till we came into a small room with a single table in the middle of it.
There was a young girl who wasn't much taller then 5 foot by the fridge.
"Can we please talk to the person In charge?" I asked
"that would be me for the moment. miss.page went to the... well she went out. My name is Layken by the way." she smiled
I could smell the alcohol on her breath. Something wasn't right, this girl couldn't be older then 15.
"Feel free to sit down and wait if you want, Page should be home soon."
We all nodded before taking a seat.
Layken just walked over to the cupboard and took out 5 glasses, she got a pitcher out of the fridge and filled the glasses with what turned out to me cold water. She handed us each a glass of water and put the pitcher back into the fridge. We all thanked her and she finally sat down, it was getting pretty late.
"So Layken how old are you?" I asked trying it make small talk,
"I will be 17 in less then a month." she smiled.
I was about to say something else when a women stumbled through the door. She looked at us and then at Layken.
"You little slut, you know you are not supposed to bring boys here!" she started screaming then chased Layken out of the room. She turned to us and looked at us with an evil eye before asking us what we are doing here.
"Well we were going to adopt but, we can come back tomorrow." Louis stated before heading toward the door.
"Lou what the bloody hell man! Now I have to wait !" i yelled walking away.
I woke up to a little girl poking my face.
"Lay wake up," i opened my eyes to see E.J.
"What do you want ?"
"I was going to tell you bye." She whispered.
I felt a cold kiss on my cheek and I turned over. it was to damn early. it was like only 9 at night, And that was after the beating I had received from page, For being a "little slut."
I woke up again and looked at the clock. It was 2:30 in the morning. There was nobody in my room. Where In the hell did E.J go ?
I got up and started looking around. There was a single piece of paper on her pillow. All her shit was gone, it read.
I was adopted yesterday. They came and just picked me up. I love you and here is My new parents number.
I love you big sister - Emma Jay
Shit shit shit. I have nobody now...
I need air.
I got up and slipped some pants on, and a jacket. The only ones I had,
I slowly walked out of my room being extra quite so page wouldn't wake up. I opened the front door and ran. I ran to where I knew I could let it all go. The pubs lights shown brighter then I remember. I went in and pulled out the fake I.D right away I got 10 shots and downed them all. I took a beer and started walking out to the ally this was it. I paced back and fourth taking a sip of the beer every now and then. My legs must of given up because I was on the ground within minutes. I found the closest wall and tucked my knees to my chest finishing the beer. My 5'3, 130 pound frame sat shaking. Horrible thoughts flooded my mind.
All the beatings, the name callings the temptation of death. It all came back to me with in seconds. I turned around and broken the beer bottle on the bricks behind me, letting the little shards of glass fall in my hair and on my clothes.
I was crying. Crying is for the weak. At least that's what page said, if you cry you know your weak. And the weak will die.
I tried to calm myself down but it was not flying over with my body.
The glass bottle was in my hand and broken.
Finally I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and did the un thinkable.
Me and Niall were walking down the street we had just passed a pub that looked pretty sketchy. We came for drinks but or normal bar was closed so we decided to find another place.
We had just passed the pub when we heard a whimper followed by a scream. It scared the shit out of us ! Niall and I both looked at each other before we ran towards the sound.
With in a few minutes we heard the scream again. It sounded as if someone was dying. The sound led us to a dark ally. The cries got louder and the screams died down. We turned the corner and to my shock there was a girl sitting against the brick wall crying.
She was holding a broken beer bottle in her hand and her clothing was all bloody."mate is that who I think it is?" Niall whispered concern all Over his face.
We watched helpless as the girl whimpered in the corner. The shock came over me, we watched as she brought the broken bottle to her chest and forcefully pushed it in. She let out another scream and did it again and again. I looked over to see Niall with tears in his eyes.
I brought the broken bottle to my chest and stabbed myself, I let out a scream and did it again and again, once in my stomach another in my leg another in my arm another under my ribs, I did this till I could literally feel myself dying. There was blood everywhere. I sat there waiting to die for like five minutes nothing happen so I started doing the only thing I could really do. I slammed my head against the wall a few times. Still nothing, there was glass in my hair and blood dripping down the wall.
I laid there motionless wishing death would come over me, crying silently to myself. I closed my eyes and waited for my arrival in heaven.
"Niall call the emergency number quick!" I yelled running towards the girl, she had like 5 stab wounds and blood everywhere. She was cold. Ice cold. Then I realised it was that girl from the orphanage. Niall's sister.
"Layken?.... Layken open your eyes!" I yelled shaking her, I waited for a moment and she finally opened her eyes I could smell the alcohol on her breath.
"Honey you have to keep your eyes open!" I said laying her head In my lap and stroking her hair,
"Harry?..." She asked unsure.
"Yes babe it's me, now keep your eyes open."
Her bright blue eyes reminded me of Niall's, there was no doubt that she is Niall's sister.
She just kept her head in my lap and looked into my eyes. Her eyes starting to gloss over, her lips in a straight line upon her face. A single tear dripped down her face.
"Babe you will be alright i promise." I whispered i could hear Niall yelling on the phone and sirens in the background.
"ya hear that babe your gonna be alright." i smiled.
"harry don't say some-thing ya can't prove." and with that she closed her eyes...