"Justin, I-I'm pregnant" I hold breath waiting for Justin's response. I watch as his facial expression transforms from a smile to no expression at all. I still wait for a response but he says nothing and lets go of my hand. "Justin, p..please say something"
"H-how?" he can't be serious
"What do you mean how? You know exactly how"
"But we used protection" he stands up, starts running his fingers through his hair, and starts pacing.
"Condoms break Justin" I try putting my hand on his shoulder but he jerks away
"No. n-no. It has to be somebody else's"
"Your the only person I've been with" I say quietly
"I can't breath" he says softly and walks away from me and sitting in the grass
"Of course you pregnant" he starts laughing in his hands.....he's in denial "I can't believe this, who else knows"
"My mom and....y..your mom" I say quietly
"What?! How come my mom gets to know but not me" he turns his head looking at me
"...Hhh I dunno...I just needed to talk to a mother like figure and your mom and my mom are the ones that I have. And Justin this baby isn't her so it doesn't require that much stress and worry" I explain, he quickly starts running his fingers threw his hair again and looks away
"Just give me minutes to process this all" he snaps, gets up and walks further away. He stands in the grass not facing me but constantly running his fingers threw his hair, he suddenly turns around and looks at me "Why didn't you tell me before" his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion still trying to processes everything.
"By the time I found out I was...pregnant we broke up, I didn't want to tell you threw the phone I had to tell you in person" I say while fiddling with my fingers.
"You could have called me and I could have flown up there and we could have talked" he walks closer to me so that he is now standing in front of me.
"I did Justin"
"Oh..." He says nothing for a couple minutes and just stares at me till he finds something to say "I..I'm gonna go"
"No. I can't breath, and I just need to walk and think stuff threw" he puts his hand on his forehead letting it slide down his face in exhaustion.
"O..okay" I say at a whisper, Justin turns on his heels, and walks down the dark street lamp lit road.
I turn around grabbing the bowl of food Justin left on the back the car, I slowly walk back to the house thinking of ways to explain what just happened to Pattie and my mom.
When I walk in I hear out moms chuckling, I can't help but smile at how great they get a long. "Hi sweety, where's Justin" Pattie smiles, but mine fades at the sound of his name.
"Baby what happened" my mom set her ruby colored wine down on the counter, and starts walking over to me in concern.
"I..I told him"
"What did he say" my mom wraps me in her arms pulling me close to her chest.
"A lot" my breath hitches, I'm trying so hard not to cry "He's not very happy"
"I'm sure he just needs sometime to think" Pattie walks over and rubs my back. God I love these women.
"H..he when for a walk....he said he couldn't breath and he needed time t..to think it threw" my words start to catch in my throat when tears start to fall from my eyes.
"Awe baby don't cry, it will all work out fine" my mom whispers and kisses the top of my head.
"FUCK!" I scream, kicking the curb till I can't feel a nerve in my big toe. I can't believe this shit. Everything is ruined, I can't have a kid now. I'm still trying to figure out my own career, the whole point of dropping out of school was to figure out who I am. And I am not a dad, father, or daddy. None of those names are who I am. I am Justin. Not even!
As much as I still care for Malia, I am not ready to take the role of a being father figure. Trust me I have always loved children, and wanted a couple of them but not at 18. Even when I think hard about it and picture a small little version of Malia running around-stop it! I don't want children now, but god Malia would make such a great mom. I stand up from the curb and turn around walking back to the house.
When I walk to the door I take a deep breath and walk threw the door. When I enter the door the dinning room table is clear, My mom and Shaina are washing the dishes, and there is no sign of Malia. "Mom what happened to the thanksgiving dinner" I ask
"Malia made us wait for you to come back, but that took you a little more than a hour to do" my mom gives me a disgusted look
"I wasn't gone that long" My mom hands me a plate of food, shaking her head.
"Malia made you a plate of food" my mom says and goes back to washing the dishes
"Where is she" I sit down at the dinning table taking a bite of my mash potatoes.
"She is resting in the guest room" Shaina finally speaks "She hasn't been sleeping well"
I quickly eat my dinner and skip up stairs to the guest room. I stand out side the door, trying to think of what to say to her. I gently knock on the door, waiting for a response, I don't get one so I quietly open the door. I spot Malia laying in the bed, her left hand on her stomach, right arm under her head, and her eyes are closed.
"What are you doing in here Justin" she groans
"I was half awake and I could smell your colonge from all the way over here" she sits up and crosses her legs.
"Whats up" she asks
"I wanted to say sorry the way I reacted" I say rubbing the back of my neck.
"It's fine, I understand why you reacted the way you did"
"Yeah." She nods her head
"So how have you been"
"You already asked that today" she smiles, oh god I miss her smile so much.
"Well I mean...since now..I..I know your"
"I've been okay" she saves me from embarrassment, but still giggles at me.
"Why only okay" she shift to the right of the bed patting an empty space next to her.
"Well there's been morning sickness, a list of 100 food I can't stand the site of looking at because I end up vomiting, but then I'm so hungry all the time that I wish I could everything in sight, I can't sleep half the time, and I smell everything with in 20 feet of myself" she giggles at the list of problems she's going threw.
"Yeah" she sighs, there sudden silence, and a question I need to ask is bugging to come out.
"Do you know if it's a girl or a boy" he blurts out
"I'm not sure I asked my doctor if I could wait to get my ultrasound done, I thought you might want to be there." I take a deep breath "I was suppose to get it done 2 weeks ago"
"C-can I still go" he says while rubbing the back of his neck.
"Yeah, yeah of course you can still go" I watch as his eyes linger to my stomach and then takes a deep breath causing him to sigh, and silence to creep in again.
"I'm glad it's my baby, I wouldn't want you to be having anybody else's baby" he whispers, I'm try so hard right now to hold in my tears. He looks down at my belly and gestures to it as if he's asking to touch it. I nod to his action and he shifts his body down to the level of my belly so his face is in front if my belly. He lifts up my shirt exposing my slightly round, I give my all to not pull his face away from my stomach. He softy puts his lips on my belly. "My baby is in there" he whispers so softly that I can barley hear him. And instantly tears pour from my eyes. Oh my god I am so emotional right now.
He moves his lips from my stomach and sits up causing me to look up at him, he brings his hands to the sides of my face wiping the tears with his thumb. He lifts my chin setting a soft kiss on my lips making more tears fall from my eyes, I slowly pull away sniffling "I'm sorry I'm crying, this pregnancy is making me really emotional"
"Its okay baby" I close my eyes letting that sweet name flow threw me, god I miss the way he calls me baby, I open my eyes and smile at the way he is looking at me.
"Where does this put us" I ask
"I hope together" he rubs my cheek with his thumb, his eyes scanning mine.
"If we are going to do this, we need to commit to the relationship to t..this baby. We're going to have to live together, and I just don't know how that is going to work"
"Hhh I'm not sure either but can we discuss that later, I just want to be here with you, with no worries for at least a minute" I nod my head in response, he kisses my forehead causing my stomach to fill with butterfly's.
I slowly pull away from him and start to look him up and down "Have you been working out" I bite my lip. Wow my hormones are running wild right now, so are my emotions. One minutes I'm cry and the next I just want to rip all of Justin's clothes off.
Justin just starts to chuckle at my sudden response "Yes, I have"
"I like" my body is on fire right now, I've felt like this before since I've been pregnant but now that I'm with Justin, just looking at him is making me go crazy "And these tattoos" I start to run fingers up and down his ink covered arms admiring all the unique different images.
"What is up with you" he chuckles
"Hh I don't even know, pregnancy just makes me so horny" I quickly cover my mouth with my hand, from the obscene word that came from my mouth.
"Ha ha, you don't say" he chuckles and bites his lip.
"So what's up with all these tattoos" my fingers still trace the swirls of ink on his arms.
He rubs the back of his neck and looks away from me "Well when we broke up I got a bit angry....got some tattoos...some about you...some are you..." He sighs in embarrassment "Then I just started to like the way the tattoos looked on me, they express who I am and who I want to be" he's eyes move to my fingers and the way they trace every line of ink.
"I won't ask what ones are about me...but trust me later I will" I giggle "but I like them on you"