It’s been like this for years. Ever since Alex was little, he knew that he was different, but he could never figure out just what it was. Alex grew up like any other little boy, he played with trains and action figures, he ran around the house with a cape on like he was a super hero. He had his secrets though, hanging out with his mom, playing with her make up and in her high heels and dresses. His parents thought it was normal for him to just mess around, so they let him play in all the ‘girly’ things.
As Alex got older, he was leaning more towards the girl stuff. His parents tried to push his to play with more ‘boy’ toys, but whenever his mom took away his dolls, he was cry and kick until he got them back again. Alex wanted to wear a dress to school one day in second grade and that was the final straw with his mother. She didn't understand why her son was acting like this, she wanted her little boy. One day she took little Alex to see a psychiatrist, maybe they can help him or figure out why he wasn’t being the young boy that he should be. The spent a few hours playing and talking with Alex about different things that he like to do, thing that made him happy and sad. When his mother came back in, the therapist just assured him that her son was just probably gay and there was absolutely nothing wrong with him and nothing to worry about. Therapist learnt how to tell certain actions apart to predict your own kids sexuality, before they even knew. The news came as a relief, her son being gay was something that she was able to deal with.
Alex’s parents stop letting him dress up and play with his mother makeup anymore. He was almost eleven years old and it was about time that he started to grow up. Alex didn't put up his usual fight, but he was definitely upset on the inside. He started to make friends, boys mainly. His mom always kept an eye on him though, just to make sure that he was really okay, but she trusted him for the most part.
Over Alex’s middle school and high school years, his mother thought that maybe the psychiatrist was wrong and everything they went through was just a phase. Alex was taking a liking to girls, his mom thought one way, but Alex wasn't going to tell her she was wrong. He couldn't hurt his mom like that. Alex spent hours online and at school admiring girls, not because he was attracted to them, but because he was jealous. They were these amazing beautiful creatures, long smooth legs, soft hair. Yeah, Alex was really jealous. One day, when he was 17, his parents were gone at work, he went out shopping. He went to a popular dress store, picking out a nice, simple, black dress. He told the store clerk that it was for a girl, but that was a lie. He bought a dress of his very own, one that he had always wanted.
He got home going straight to his room after making sure his parents still aren't back yet. He poured the contents of the large pink shopping bag on the bed. Alex stripped and changed into the slim black dress. He snuck into this moms room and found where she had her makeup. He very carefully applied some light pink, glossy lipstick and some mascara, too afraid if he used eyeliner, he would make himself blind. He arranged everything back the way it was before and went back to his room, checking to see if anyone came home yet while he was applying the makeup.
Alex stood in front of his mirror smiling at himself and smoothing out the creases in the cotton material. He brushed his hair down, so it lay flay, and continued looking at himself. He looked nothing like those girls he saw. He knew he wasn't one, but he wished he was. He face dropped and his eyes went glossy, know he could never be what he really wanted. Alex jumped when he heard the door downstairs open and close. He peeled the dress from his body and quickly wiped off the small amount of makeup that he had on. He messed his hair back up, like it usually was. His parents never knowing about it his secret.
I few years later he was in and out of college living with his boyfriend of five years, Jack. It took him a long time to re come out to his parents, but he finally did it with Jack by his side the whole time. Alex kept everything a secret though. He never even told Jack his thoughts and what he still did on his alone time and what he really dreamt about.
Jack sat in their living room watching TV. Alex stood in the doorway watching his adorable boyfriend laugh at the pictures on the screen. Jack looked up and smiled at the other. Jack patted the spot on the couch right next to him. Alex walked over and sat down, immediately resting his head on his significant others shoulder. “I love you,” he murmured.
“I love you, too, Alex.” Jack relied. The older male sighed and Jack looked at him. “Is something up?” he asked. Alex just shrugged. “Babe, you can tell me anything you know that right?” Alex pushed himself back and nodded. Jack pulled the older boy in his lap so his legs were on either side of his lanky frame. Alex bent his head, attaching their lips and a passionate kiss. His hands wandered up and own the younger torso, undoing the buttons and sliding his hand along Jack's smooth skin. Things were getting heated when Jack moved his hand to the front of Alex jeans, cupping and massaging the growing bulge. Alex moaned, but pushed his hand away. “Baby, wants wrong?” he asked again.
Alex sat back, still in Jack's lap, and sighed again. “I just… I don't want to use it.” Jack gave him a confused look.
“What do you mean? We kind of use your dick all the time.” he said, chuckling a little, to bring the mood up.
“I don't like it though.” Alex said. He started to feel shy about where the conversation was leading.
“Alex, is something wrong? Did you sleep with someone else and get something, or-”
“No!” he said all too quickly. He could never cheat on Jack, even if he wasted too. “No, its not it.” he continued on in a soft voice. “I can’t be me, Jack. I don't want to be me anymore, I'm tired of pretending all the time, its starting to hurt.” he said, his voice getting even more quiet and sad. His eyes were watery.
“Baby, you’re really worrying me now. Please tell me what's going on.” Jack pressed on.
“I can't do this.” Alex cried and pushed himself off Jack’s lap. He ran to his -their- room and closed the door behind him. He went into the bathroom and pulled out his box of things he got when he was a teenager. Alex sat the small box on the counter and pulled out the long black cotton dress. He held the dress up in front of him, looking in the mirror. He cried more and sunk to the ground, spilling the rest of the box on to the floor. He felt so stupid. He could never be a girl. Jack was gay, surely if he turned into a girl, he would leave him, he could handle that. He felt so stupid for even saying anything to Jack about this.
A few minutes later, Alex heard a knock on the wooden door. “Go away.” he yelled into the fabric, clutching it tightly between his fingers.
“Alex, Please… Open up, talk to me.” he said. Alex didn't answer. He just stayed on his spot on the cold, tile ground. The door opened, but Alex still didn't look up. Jack walked in, looking at the mess of makeup and jewelry on the ground. He eyes Alex on the floor, clutching the black fabric tight in his hands still. Jack sat next to him, pulling the crying boy into his arms and slowly rocked him.
Once he was calmed down, Jack took the back cloth from him and held it up examining it. It finally hit Jack what Alex was talking about when he said that he didn't want to be him anymore. It really broke Jack's heart to see him like this. He put the dress down and hugged his boyfriend. After a few minutes Jack sigh, “Can you put it on for me?” Jack asked. Alex shuffled back up and looked at him in surprise.
“What?” he asked quietly.
“The dress.” he clarified and handed it to him. “Put it on for me. I bet you look beautiful in it.” Alex eyes lit and his bit the inside of his lip to keep from smiling like an idiot. Jack wiped the tears off his beaus face with his thumb and Alex nodded and stood up. Jack left the bathroom and sat on the edge of the bed waiting for his boy -girl?-friend. After a little wait, Jack hear Alex voice from the other side of the door.
“Are you ready?” he asked in a happy voice.
“Yeah,” Jack yelled back, actually feeling just a little nervous, but probably no where compared to how Alex might be feeling. He took a deep breath, not really prepared for what he might see. Alex opened the door and walked out. Jack's breath caught in his throat. He looked at Alex, draped with the black dress, a little makeup on his eyes and his hair brushed down, nice and smooth. He even notice how smooth his legs looked. “Yeah, you’re not beautiful,” Jack said. Alex’s smile dropped and he looked like he was going to cry. He looked down and bit his lip, he could already feel the tears in his eyes. He felt Jack walk up and hold his face in his hand like he was the most delicate thing on the planet. “You’re fucking gorgeous, Alex.” Jack said.
Alex smiled and leant forward quickly attaching their lips. “Really?” Alex asked in disbelief.
“Yes, baby.” he said and kissed him again. “You are so, so, so gorgeous.” he continued and tucked some of Alex hair behind his ear. “Why didn't you tell me about this?” He asked. Alex looked down and back up.
“Because I thought that you would hate me if I told you that I wanted to be a girl.” Alex sad, sucking his bottom lips into his mouth.
“Because I'm gay and like guys?” Jack asked. Alex nodded. Jack chuckled and shook his head. “Alex, yeah, I'm gay, but I love you so fucking much.” he said lightly kissing Alex’s lips.
“So, you’re okay with this?” Alex asked.
“Its going to take some getting used too and there is going to be a shitload of negativity along the way, but Alex, if this is what really makes you happy, if this is who are, I'm going to support you no matter what. I love you more than anything, guy or girl, you’re the most special person in my life and I'm not going to lose you just because some stupid gender thing.” Alex felt like his heart was about to burst, but in the best way possible. He couldn’t explain how much he wanted to hear those words come from Jack's mouth. Five years with him and he finally had the courage to say something. Jack attached their lips again.
“You really are beautiful, Alex.” Jack said again. “I will do, everything I can to make you happy, okay?” he asked Alex. The older male nodded and brought him to the bed. He fell back on it bringing Jack down with him. Alex wrapped his legs around his boyfriend's waist and held him close.
“You said you would do anything to make me happy, right?” Jack nodded. “Then, I want you too,” Alex paused, thinking about how weird the question was. “I want you to make love to me, like a girl, not like old Alex.” Jack just stayed quiet for a second. He’s never actually had sex with a girl before, but he figured it wasn't that much different. So he nodded.
“Yes, but on one condition.”
“Be my girlfriend?” He asked. Believe it or not, Alex grinned even bigger, his- her - face. She nodded fast and kissed Jack.
“Yes. I will be your girlfriend, as long as you stay my boyfriend.” Jack nodded too and pecked her her lips. “I love you.” Alex said.
“I love you too, so much.” Jack replied back to his new girlfriend.
So, I’ve never written anything like this before. Hopefully it was okay. I was thinking about maybe turning it into a story, but I'm not sure.
Also, I'm not transgender or anything, I do have a friend that is FTM and another that’s MTF though. So I know this is probably not the most accurate thing in the world, It was made to be cute so, yeah.
Thank you so much for reading. Please let me know what you think.