17. Chapter: 16- The voice
All I hear is someone crying but no voices. I don't know if its crying that I hear or something else. Then I remember the surgery. I can't explain how I do it but I somehow manage to open my eyes even though they feel like steal is on them and I see my mom watching something that the doctor is holding which looks like a X-ray or cat scan and then burst into tears. No. Before my mom can see my I take the ivy out of my arm and run out the hospital room and down the hall. I run into my vision is blurry from tears.
I lean against the wall and slide down so my knees are up to my chest and my arms are around my knees. I can't stop the tears from falling so I don't even try to stop them. I'm going to die. I am going to die from cancer. I guess no matter how much I pray, hell no matter how many people prayed I'm not going to survive cancer. The cancer is going to kill my organisms slowly and I will die. I'm going to die no matter what, there is no miracle or a chance of me surviving.
"Payton where are you?" Little Payton is oblivious of how her mother can hear her giggles from underneath the table.
"I found you." Payton's mom peaks her head underneath the table and little Payton shrieks and tries to run but her mom grabs her and starts tickling her.
Memories pass from Payton's tenth birthday to her middle school graduation. Memories that I thought wouldn't matter but now I remember how important they are.
Memories of the first time I cut my wrist and my mom found me on the floor crying. The day I went to the doctors and the doctors told me I have cancer. And now the day that I found out I will not live to have a husband or kids or to graduate.
Its been two days sense the surgery and my mom talked to the boys but I can't bear to talk to them. It feels like I have failed them. They hoped and were nice and generous and what do I give back? News that I'm going to die. My mom told me that Louis started crying and so did Niall but Liam was the worst.
"Payton I'll be home at dinner if you need anything let me know." I had to practically beg my mom go back to work, I feel bad that she's staying home for me.
"Your going to die anyways why not just do it now" and theres the same voice in my head that doesn't leave, just keeps reminding me of all my mistakes. Like the time I copied off the girl next to me on the math test or the time I lied to my teacher and said that I didn't take two pieces of candy. All little things but there slowly eating away whats left of me. Maybe the voice is right, I mean after all I'm going to die anyways.
That was going to be the last chapter but I'm actually going to have one more!!