I grabbed my clothes and quickly washed my face and brushed my teeth, the cold water poured down my face and I could see my reflection, the tears brimming my eyes threatening to fall out once more. My eyes were red and somewhat resembled a zombie. I closed my eyes restraining myself in order for the tears to stop. I opened my eyes and quickly splashed water on my face in order to reduce the likelihood of someone seeing my tear stained face. I put on my loose jeans and a t-shirt which showed an anchor. I ran to my room and grabbed my Toms alongside my black hoodie. I quickly used my hands to straighten my brown locks reaching to my shoulders and quickly tied my hair into a bun. I glanced at my clock my eyes widened as I saw the time 8:35am, oh crap I have to walk extra fast now so I don't get late I told myself. I ran downstairs and opened the fridge getting my can of rockstar which was placed there the day before. I quickly went into the draws and saw that my mum bought me chewing gum already, a small smile crossed my face she knows me so well. "Bye honey have a good day" she said from the top of the stairs. "Bye mum I love you" I screamed. As I left the house I saw my sister leaning against the wall looking really impatient "Hurry up I'm meeting Kayla and Mary soon" she said. "No worries We'll get there soon" I replied. I put my headphones in and soon all I could hear was the voices of Tom Fletcher and Danny Jones from McFly my mind relaxed as the song played Not Alone. The song somewhat gave me a miniscule of hope and even though I had my friends, music seemed to be a escape where everything was explained. the sad depressing songs allowed me to acknowledge and identify the hidden feelings some more. My eyes looked over the streets where girls and boys walked with school uniform looking grouchy I guess that's what Monday mornings do to you. I approached the college gates 2nd Year here we go! I thought, Anne waved at me and soon Kayla and Mary also came over "hey Amelia you alright? where's Ruby?" they asked. Ruby is my close friend we study the same course together and we've been friends for a year safe to say we've been through a lot together, especially when she had a huge heartbreak but we weren't going to dwell on the past. on the day of the first year college students induction Ruby met Dylan and I guess they liked each other from first glance he seemed like a decent guy when I talked to him. I guess I just felt like I was losing my friend I mean she even said We're going to have to be alone at times so we can kiss and stuff I guess she made a valid point but all the voices in my head did was laugh and tell me how I was going to lose her because she didn't even think about me. Since we met Dylan all our conversations had to include him and if it didn't it was always something related to her about her ex boyfriend Xavier. I couldn't talk about anything on my mind properly if I told her about a story half way she would cut me off and tell me how I already told her before. I guess it hurt since my friend was so focused on her life she never had time to think about mine. I walked into the college and my eyes grazed over Xavier looking at me intensely I shuffled towards my locker and quickly put anything which added pressure to my arm in the locker. I felt an arm grab my shoulder "Ame How have you been" Ruby asked "I've been good how about you?" I replied "Oh my god Dylan's coming eep" she squealed. I saw Dylan and his brother Damien who was in the 2nd year of college approach us. "Hey Damien you alright?" I asked "Ame I'm all good how have you been?" he asked with his voice laced with concern and his eyes looking straight into me "I'm all good Dame" I said laughing. I turned my head and saw that Dylan and Ruby went already.
I decided to look for them since the bell was going to ring soon, As I was walking I came across Brad looking at me intensely. "Hey Amelia you alright there hun" he said smoothly, "I'm alright Brad how are you?" I replied, the thing was if I decided to ignore him he'd keep chasing me and annoying me I really couldn't put up with that today. "I'm good you look cute today" he said as if it was nothing. I was about to answer when the bell rang "see you later" he said with a wink. I turned and very openly cringed, I guess I was a unique individual I hate the idea of relationships to be honest, people get clingy and drama happens plus I'm not really the cheesy type of person, I'd rather prefer a nice burger meal than some flowers any day.
I went to class and sat down waving at the people who were in the same course I put my headphones in when the teacher Mrs Smith walked in to do registration the song blared through my ears putting me in a somewhat trance as I put my face on the table I saw Ruby walk into the room a shy smile on her face. she sat next to me and remained quiet.
I felt someone shake my shoulder Mrs Maxwell woke me up whilst laughing "come on Amelia no slacking your doing good lets keep it that way" she said in a harsh yet playful tone.
I raised my hand and mock saluted her "Yes Ma'am'' I replied.
"I'm going to do your register then I want you all to go to the library, you should know what your working on" Mrs Maxwell said.
I put my head between my hands and put my headphones back in listening to Sleeping with Sirens ... I was about to drift into sleep when a light tap on my shoulder woke me up, I lazily looked up to see Ruby standing there looking bubbly. "You alright Ames" she asked hesitantly
"of course my head just hurts" I said.
"me too" she replied. I was now getting used to the short replies from Ruby and her just saying me too. she just seems to forget all her friends since Dylan. I was about to tell her that I was feeling low when she said "do you think me and Dylan make a cute couple? I really think I'm starting to like him you know". she said rambling on. Normally Ruby would understand the feelings that I had and she wouldn't stop asking me what's wrong till I built the courage to tell her but it seemed like all she thought about was Dylan.
"I'm just signing you all in then you can go into the library and get your work done" Mrs Maxwell said strictly. I answered my name and soon me and Ruby went to the library we sat down when Dylan joined us "hey guys you alright?" he asked "Yupp" I replied I was about to ask Ruby for help on the assignment but she cut me off "dude cover for me please me and Dylan need to talk" she said. what are friends for eh? "yeah sure" I said whilst smiling.
I saw Dylan and Ruby leave the room and tried to get started on some work I quickly plugged my headphones in and McFly soon played calming my once tense muscles. I looked at the assignment brief and it made sense to me I think... I tried to get started on the work but the voices in my head were getting worse your such a mental case your gonna fail why even study you deserve to die the familiar words engraved into my mind and played on a endless loop leaving me feeling worse.
I felt someone sitting next to me "hey We're back" Dylan and Ruby said I smiled and pointed to the headphones showing them I couldn't hear them. Ruby adjusted her chair and then ignored me putting all her focus onto Dylan. aww shame isn't it no one cares for you, your such a pathetic bitch you deserve to die the voice said my breathing began to increase I closed my eyes trying to control what felt like the start of the panic attack. I quickly took the small pouch and put it into my pocket and walked out the room, I was close to approaching the toilets when Xavier saw me "Ame you alright?" he said with a worried tone "me pssht obviously come on dude I need to piss in a rush" I said in a sickeningly sweet tone he laughed and called me crazy. I went to the cubicle and glanced at myself. No more crying I told myself but I felt the familiar feeling of tears rolling down my cheeks. I eased my breathing and punched the wall beside me with all the strength I could muster. I saw a small bruise appear and laughed at how I was numb to the pain. I deserved to be hurt. I opened the pouch and saw the sharp blades taunting me I picked it up and let it graze my arm with the stinging sensation once I ran the cuts under cold water I smiled almost menacingly and the voices in my head felt happy for me to be in pain I deserved it. now time to walk back and pretend it.never happened.....