I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
I sang quietly to myself.
“I’ll always be alone” I whispered.
Someone knocked on the door. I switched songs.
Livin' my life in a slow hell
Different girl every night at the hotel
I ain't seen the sun shine in 3 damn days
Been fuelin' up on cocaine and whisky
Wish I had a good girl to miss me
Lord I wonder if I'll ever change my ways
I put your picture away
Sat down and cried today
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to her
I put your picture away, sat down and cried today
I can't look at you, while I'm lyin next to h—
Pounding on the door broke my thoughts away.
I switched the song again.
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Tears brimmed my eyes and I wiped them before they could fall.
“Open the fucking door!” a voice yelled. I rolled my eyes and got off the hard bed. I walked to the door in nothing but my boxers. On the other side stood an annoyed looking Liam. He barged in without an invite, to my annoyance.
“Well, come in then” I grumbled. He spun around.
“I’ve had enough of your shit dude. I know you’re hurting but you can’t spend the rest of your life in here. You’ve missed six interviews and two photo ops. You’re pushing your luck with management. I had to call Simon to tell them to cut you some slack.” He put his hands on his hips like my mum used to do when she was mad.
“Look,” he sighed, sitting on the bed next to me. “I know you miss her bu—“
“I don’t miss her. You can’t miss people you don’t care about.” Harsh.
“Good, then you can get off your ass, and make the interview at two. Which is in an hour. Go take a shower and we will meet you down stairs in twenty” Louis got up and left the room.
I slowly made my way to the shower. Turning the faucet I waited for the water to heat up before stripping and stepping inside. The water felt real good. It warmed my chilled heart. Or at least, what’s left of my heart. I grabbed the complimentary bar of soap and scrubbed at my skin. I felt dirty. I felt gross. I scrubbed harder. I felt like there were parasites under my skin. Parasites that would keep eating away at me unless I scrubbed even harder. So I did, I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. I scrubbed for about twenty minutes. I scrubbed my body until there was no more soap left.
“I need more soap” I whimpered scratching my skin. “I need more soap!” I yelled. Furious with Melissa I threw my fist at the shower wall. I heard my bones break, along with the tile. Shards of cream colored tile fell to my feet. Blood dribbled down my stomach as I cradled my hand to my chest. It hurt so much, yet felt so good. I stooped to pick up one of the shards. It was sharp, so I held it against my wrist. I pressed harder and harder until blood trickled out. It felt good. Who knew pain felt good? I smiled to myself as I continued cutting several more deep gashes.
Feeling suddenly overwhelmed I sat on the shower floor. I held my broken hand and leaned against the wall. The water continued to pour down. It showered upon my face, cleansing me of my sins. Cleansing me of her. From now on, I didn’t care. From now on, I would only look out for myself. After all, I’m Harry Styles, and that’s just what I do best.
The elevator slowly clanked to a halt and the doors slide open to reveal my pissed off bandmates.
“Would you hurry up? We’re going to be late for the…” Liam trailed off, his eyes on my swollen hand. I walked out of the lift and past the guys. I carefully stuffed my hand in my pocket and left the safety of the building, to endure the hectic media awaiting outside. Flashes flew at lightning speed the minute I stepped through the double doors. I pushed my way past the many screaming girls and new crews to the black escalade waiting by the curb. One of the security guards opened the door and I slide inside. As soon as the door shut, all contact from the outside world disappeared. Silence filled the car. It was relaxing, so I put my head back and closed my eyes. Two seconds later the door was flung open and Niall made his way to the back of the escalade. Zayn followed at Liam slid in next to me, with Lou on his other side. Liam bumped my arm which jostled my hand that lay in my pocket. I grimaced.
“You want to explain what happened?” Liam looked straight ahead, not making eye contact.
“Got mad” I mumbled turning my body to the window. I gazed out at the scenery as we made our way to the radio station for the interview. We pulled up to a building twenty minutes later. My hand was throbbing.
“I texted Paul, he has a paramedics waiting inside the building. If anyone asks, you fell in the shower.” Liam broke me out of my day dreams. I nodded my hand.
Louis and Liam got out and I followed. More fans were outside the building. We were ushered through the doors by security. Before the paramedics could take me aside I grabbed Liam’s arm and whispered a thanks in his ear. He nodded a “no problem” and followed the others to the studio.
The paramedics cleaned and wrapped my hand up. I got funny looks when they saw the gashes up my arms.
“These are going to need more attention. I really think we should get him to the hospital” one of the paramedics said to Paul.
“We don’t have the time, this is an extremely important interview. Can it wait till after?” Paul wrung his hat in his hands looking over his shoulder at the studio door.
“We risk blood lose if we continue to wait.” Said the second paramedic.
“Its fine, I’m fine. Just put the wrap on and I’ll go to the hospital after the interview.” I said catching their eyes. The paramedics looked uneasy but seemed to go against their better judgment and let me walk away, all bandaged up to start the interview.
I walked through the studio door and saw the guys huddled around a round table with a bunch of microphones and knobs everywhere.
“Harry Styles, so good to see you man” Mojo stood up and shook my wrapped up hand. I went round and ‘shook’ the others’ hands as well. I sat down in between Niall and Lou. I was handed a set of head phones and we began the interview It started off with questions about my hand. Like I was told I jokingly told a story of me slipping in the shower. After that, as usual, it was mostly about our music, and tours, and just promoting our albums. Soon enough we were asked the number one question everyone wants to know.
“Which one of you is single?” Mojo asked. Everyone looked at me.
“Anyone in mind?” Shannon, the other host, asked.
“Nope” I said looking at the other boys.
The questions turned to Niall as he talked about Bricia. And how she was the greatest thing ever to happen to him. My head was hurting.
“She’s actually listening with her friend Melissa…” he glanced in my direction. I nodded slightly for him to keep going. “They love your show.” He said. My head started was pounding.
“I noticed some tension when you brought up her friend, Melissa, was it? Harry? Did anything happen?” Mojo winked.
“No. Nothing. I don’t even know her” I stared blankly. I wasn’t feeling too good anymore. Kind of dizzy.
“Alright then” Mojo continued asking questions and pretty soon, the interview was over. We stood to leave and that’s when it happened. My sight was blurred and I reached out for something to hold on to. My hand grazed Liam’s forearm when everything went black, and I fell to the ground.