Kai wasn’t expecting that. He had felt her moving further and further away from him as they walked after dinner. He thought it was the natural withdrawal that sometimes happened in response to intimacy. People often felt vulnerable when they were played with, and she had played wonderfully well with him during dinner.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yes.” Erin turned to walk back toward her apartment.
He was surprised, and he didn’t get surprised too often. People revealed everything about themselves if you just watched and listened to them. And everything she had done up to now indicated that she was not the type of woman to invite a man back to her place on the first date.
“You have to be honest with me,” he said slowly. “I need to know what you’re really thinking and feeling, or we can get badly off track.”
“I want you to come home with me.”
He didn’t get it, but he wasn’t going to argue—he wasn’t that much of a saint. Even if he was getting a gut check. He tried to keep it casual and talk to her about her neighborhood on the way back, but she seemed distracted, so he let the conversation lapse into silence. She still didn’t say a word as she let him into the front door of her building, and all the way up two flights of stairs to the top floor.
With one glance, he took in the minimalist décor of her apartment, clearly the beginning of a life in New York City. Some Ikea furniture with a convertible couch in the front room that looked out on the street, and a narrow galley kitchen with the bath and bedroom in the rear. She had chosen subtle stripes and polka dots as patterns.
Erin offered, “Would you like some wine or a beer?”
This whole thing was her idea, so Kai took the wine and sipped it with a pleasant smile. He couldn’t wait to see what she was up to.
“This way.” She led him into the living room to sit on the couch. She had turned slightly as if to keep him from sitting right next to her. He sat down at the other end.
“My friends who live on the first floor are going to call me in a little while to be sure I’m okay. They watched us come in.”
“Very smart,” he said. “There are people out there who don’t care about your consent. You have to protect yourself.” He didn’t even want to think about some stupid jerk trying to take advantage of her. She was so curious and open. The idea of crushing her spirit just sickened him, but some men would want to do that to her. Now she seemed surprised. “You think I’m wrong to bring you here?”
“Me? I’m a coworker. That gives you a layer of protection, right there. Your friends are another one. But if you were my sister, I would tell you to never bring a man home on the first date.”
Erin glanced away. “This is my first time.”
Kai smiled. “That’s a compliment.” When she didn’t reply, he asked, “Why did you ask me back?”
“I want to find out more about this kinky stuff.”
His dick instantly swelled in anticipation. But he pulled hard on the reigns. He didn’t mind about moving fast, but she did. This was all new to her. He wanted to be sure she understood what she was agreeing to.
“That sounds romantic,” he said lightly.
“I don’t expect it to be romantic.” She considered it. “Can it be romantic?”
“Don’t you think it was at the restaurant?” He edged over closer to her. “I was looking into your eyes, taking care of you, feeding you the best bites, making sure you were happy…”
“But?” Clearly she didn’t want to answer, so he urged, “This is how you find out about the kinky stuff, Erin. We have to talk about it first if you want to go further.”
“Talking about it isn’t romantic. Maybe I’m not very good at this.”
“What better way to show you care about someone other than finding out what they want? What they feel? What they’re afraid of.”
He took hold of her hand. She held on, as if that helped her.
“What do you want?” he asked her.
She sighed. “I… want what you did to me at your place. Only… more.”
“’More’ is very open-ended. You want to feel sensations, but not pain. Yes? And you liked being dominated, I could tell. What else?”
“I’m not supposed to get tied up.”
“No, you’re not. Because it’s our first scene, and you should never agree to be tied up on a first scene.”
He was having to work hard to keep himself in check. He hadn’t been so turned on by a woman in years, not since his first real submissive. Sarah. The lovely Sarah. They had both been so young, not quite sure about how to do rough sex, but knowing deep inside that they both wanted the same thing. They had figured it out together, but she was like other high school girls and wanted a relationship, while he always wanted to try more girls.
He wasn’t so sure about Erin. He wanted her, yes! Loud and clear on that one. But he still wasn’t sure what she wanted.
“How far do you want to go? Sexually, I mean,” he asked.
“I don’t know. What’s the usual thing?”
“You can do whatever you want. Some people have scenes without any sort of sex. Like we did at the restaurant. Sometimes people play with breasts or genitals. Or masturbate. Or use dildos. And of course there’s oral and anal …”
She looked even more beautiful, a little lost and overwhelmed. So vulnerable. He loved it, but it also made him nervous. Did she really want this or not?
“If it was up to me,” his voice raw with honesty. “I’d take you right here and right now. And then I’d do it again. I want you so badly I can taste it. But it’s probably not a good idea. As much as I want to ravish you within an inch of your life, we need to go slowly.”
Now her eyes were fastened on him. “We do?”
“Yes, we do.” He was already building their scene, though she didn’t know it.
“So you’ll come back for more.”
She nodded, smiling slightly.
“Stand up,” he said quietly.
He stood up with her, still holding her hand, turning to face her. “You can always stop me, at any time. Do you understand that? You just have to tell me.”
She shivered slightly. “Okay.”
“I noticed you like to be pushed a bit. You can say no as part of the game. But say ‘stop’ if you really mean it. That’s your safe-word.”
She nodded. It was as if she had taken the first step, and had released everything that had been holding her back. He could tell she was already feeling rather than over-thinking everything.
Kai ran his fingertip down her cheek. Then he pulled her close and kissed her again. But this time it wasn’t playful. He let himself go in this kiss. He knew he wouldn’t get nearly the kind of satisfaction he wanted from this scene, but he was going for much bigger game. He wanted her. He wanted her to give herself to him completely. And that couldn’t happen in one night. Not if it was real.
So he kissed her in promise of all that was coming, the passion and romance she wanted, and the kinky sex he craved. That she would crave, as long as he held himself in check and didn’t frighten the horses.
So he tried to calm his breathing, resting his forehead against hers for a moment. He could feel the fluttering pulse in her neck, where his fingers were clutching her hair. He hadn’t even realized he was doing it.
Her eyes were dark with desire, with only the thinnest rim of gray-green around the edge. Large and shining with desire.
“Much as I love looking into your eyes, I want you to relax.” He gently swept his fingers down her face, making her close her eyes. “Keep them closed,” he murmured.
His hand continued down to her shoulder, sweeping down the curve, then further down, just grazing her breast with his arm. “I’m going to take off your shirt and your bra, but everything else will stay on.” That would make a nice hard limit he couldn’t let himself cross. And he needed a good hard limit right now.
She peeked, as he knew she would. Because she was a bad girl. He let her see it in his eyes, smirking at her.
“Oh!” Then she started to laugh, surprising herself.
“That’s better.” Now she was even more relaxed. He hooked his fingers in the hem of her shirt and slowly began pulling it up.
Her laughter stilled as she realized what he was doing.
“Close your eyes,” he whispered.
He pulled the silky material up until it covered her face, making her lift her arms. But he left her shirt covering her face, with her arms trapped, folded over the top of her head at his gentle pressure. Now her head and arms were covered by the ivory silk, leaving only the impression of her nose and cheeks and chin, like a veil pulled over her face.
She squirmed a little at first, holding her elbows over her head. She was exposed, but not able to see. Her breath made the silk flutter faster in front of her mouth.
He scooped her up, lifting her off her feet in one motion. She let out a little cry in delight and fear. But she couldn’t do anything with her arms trapped over her head but kick her feet slightly.
He laid her down on the coffee table with her feet on the floor. He had been eyeing the coffee table since he came in. It was very low and sturdy, and the top was a bit scarred up so he didn’t think she would care if a few other things happened to it. It was just tall enough to make her arch her back to get her feet on the floor. With her arms trapped over her head by the ivory material and her pale gray bra with delicate embroidery on it, she was laid out for him to do with as he pleased.
Kai lifted her shoulder to shove away the small pile of magazines underneath her, so she could lie flat. And he caught the candle before it could topple off the edge.
The candle was his other inspiration. He checked to see it was ordinary paraffin. He clicked on his lighter, making her flinch at the sound. Lighting the candle, he laid it aside for the moment to turn back to his feast on the table.
He started with his hands because that was the best way to ground someone. He ran a finger lightly from the base of her neck exposed beneath the material of her shirt, down the center of her chest, down to her stomach into the hollow of her belly button. He slipped a finger under the waistband of her jeans and gave it a tug or two, wishing he could pop open the button and continue all the way down. But he had set a limit and wouldn’t break it.
With his whole hands circling her waist, he pushed them up her body to her breasts, cupping them over her pretty bra, then down under her body to her shoulder blades, lifting her slightly from the table. He wanted her to feel she was in his hands, that he controlled her.
She gasped at being lifted, and he watched her rapid breathing in her stomach, pulled taunt by the arched curve of her back.
He rubbed her with his whole hands, loving the feel of her ribs and the curve of her waist. Then he slipped his hand around and with a flick, opened the back of her bra. The tiny hooks on the two straps slipped easily out of the fabric loops, and he was able to pull it off without undoing her arms from their silk bondage.
Her breasts were natural B-cups, full yet perky. He hated boob jobs. It ruined a lot of pornography for him because he just couldn’t get past the stiff geometric shapes women turned their breasts into.
He lowered his face to the center of her chest, blowing softly. Then he shifted over to one nipple, his mouth very close but not touching her, blowing. She made a slight sound as her nipples tightened from the sensation.
Cupping her breasts, he pinched her nipples between his thumb and the base of his forefinger. She gasped out loud, her hips bucking in response. Some women could learn to climax from the right kind of breast stimulation.
She was breathing faster now, so he pulled her shirt slightly higher, exposing just her chin and mouth. He loved watching her lips quiver as she licked them, glad to be partly released.
He leaned over her, letting her feel his body against hers. He kissed her, loving how she couldn’t see, how she was completely at his mercy, with just her lips free. And her lips eagerly responded, giving herself to him.
Stretched against her, his hard cock pressed against her hip. Humping was far more chaste than his usual fare, but like the first time he held her, it ignited him, making him grind against her harder. Her breath caught against his mouth, as she arched her back. He almost couldn’t stop, but he had other plans.
At the edge of his fingertips was the candle. The flame had melted a wide pool of wax. He lifted himself, laying one hand over her crossed arms over her head, holding her down. She instantly tensed, fighting against him. He let her struggle, until she knew that she wouldn’t be able to dislodge him. He could hold her down like this no matter how hard she tried.
“Kai!” she gasped.
“Don’t fight me, Erin.”
Slowly she began to relax, and he waited for the perfect moment. Then he tilted the candle and let the wax drip onto the center of her stomach.
“Oh, Kai!” She tensed, struggling against him. “It’s burning me!”
He held her arms easily with one hand. Then he bent down and kissed her stomach, licking his tongue all around where the wax was hardening in a nickel-sized pool on her stomach. Then lower to her belly button, which he licked, then nipped with his teeth. He pressed his teeth together on the tiny bit of flesh, until she writhed hard enough to draw a sound of protest from her.
He let go and carefully positioned the wax between her breasts. This time when he tilted the candle, the wax ran from her chest down under one breast, leaving a trail of burning warmth behind.
She made another lovely sound, like the call of a bird. He felt like a falcon circling overhead. He liked to see her twist and try to get away, but he could strike and hold her. He dripped the wax here and there, breathing with her, tensing with her, kissing her breasts and belly between the burning drops. Biting her breasts and nipples until her rising exclamations and the slight sheen on her skin told him she was nearing a peak.
Her flesh was reddened around the hardening wax, but it hadn’t burned her even though it felt that way. She really had no idea what he was doing or if it would leave marks.
But she let him push her further and further, until he dripped the wax directly on her nipple. Her guttural cry tore through him, and his fingers dug into her more fiercely.
It made his raging cock fight to get out of his jeans. He wanted to jerk her pants down and plunge into her hot wet hole right there on the coffee table.
He put his leg between hers, separating them. She spread her knees and opened her legs as wide as her jeans allowed. He slipped in between and leaned into her, his erection pressing against her. It was still within the limits, but as he rocked, sliding the length of his dick against her, he felt the moist heat of her pussy even through their jeans.
He moaned, feeling as if he was almost slipping over the edge. Just from humping her!
“I can’t stand it!” he muttered, stunned by his own runaway excitement.
Erin was writhing under him. Twisting more frantically as her arms fought with her shirt. “Just do it!” she cried out.
“Do what?” he asked.
She scrambled off the shirt, grasping onto his arms. Her eyes were wild and bright. “Make love to me! I’m going to die if you don’t.”
He was ready. More than ready. Limits be damned!
But it wasn’t right, and some tiny sane piece of his mind stopped him. It was a terrible idea to renegotiate hard limits in the middle of a scene. They both were out of their minds with lust! Now was no time to make a serious decision.
He pulled back, breathing heavily. Trying to get a grip. If only she was experienced! Then he could trust that she knew what she wanted even in the heat of passion.
She pulled at his arms, her eyes imploring him. “Please! Even if it’s only for tonight. I won’t let it interfere with our working relationship.”
Kai stopped cold, as if he had been smacked. “What do you mean, even if it’s only for tonight?”
“I know this is only crazy wild sex. I’m okay with it. I want to do it.”
“Only sex?” Now she was lying back down, looking up at him. He was leaning over her, his fingers tangled in the ends of her hair. “What do you mean?”
“I know you have other women. Like Nikki. I know I’m not the usual kind of girl you do this with. We’re not looking for the same thing. But I want to do this with you. Even if it’s only for tonight.”
“What if I want to do it tomorrow night?”
She had to smile. “I’d say yes. But I don’t expect a relationship to come of this.”
There it was again; the slamming of a door inside of her, cutting him off from everything important. “Why not?”
She blinked a few times, as if it was so obvious she didn’t know where to start. “I’m not kinky, for one thing.”
“I beg to differ. You’re loving this.”
“I’m sure this is like twiddling thumbs to you.”
“No! I love it! I adore the way you respond, with your heart and soul. So sensitive! So responsive. It’s like playing with the wind.”
Now Erin looked away, embarrassed. She was closing herself off more each second. She covered her breasts with her arms. Her shirt was still looped around one.
He helped her sit up. “You don’t know what I want. We haven’t talked about relationships at all. You’re making assumptions based on one glimpse of one of my play partners.”
“What is your relationship with Nikki?”
“I’m not in love with her. And she isn’t with me. We enjoy playing together. And she helps me keep the studio clean.” He wasn’t going to go into the deeply structured relationship he had with Nikki, wherein they were always in Master/slave roles when they were together.
Erin was looking at him with rising skepticism in her eyes. He could see goose-bumps starting on her skin as her flush slipped away. This was not how he wanted to end their first scene together. It had spiraled out of control.
It was so unlike him.
He felt fear deep inside at the thought that she was going to slip through his fingers. He wanted to grab her even harder, to hold her closer and make her understand what he meant.
But he couldn’t. He forced himself to smile and relax, so he wouldn’t frighten her. It took an effort of supreme will. Fear in a sexual context could be delicious, but the kind of fear she was feeling now was making her run away from him.
He had to finish the scene and give her the closure she needed after opening herself up to him. So he took her into the kitchen and carefully scraped off the wax with a butter knife. He made her laugh, and then tickled her until she nearly screamed. Just enough so he felt more in control. He knew he was weak to do it. But he felt like he had just run a marathon and had to turn around and run all the way back again before he was done. He needed a long cool drink of water, something to sustain him. So he tickled her and felt her wiggle in his arms as he held her, and shamelessly rubbed his denim-covered dick against her body.
Then he carried her to her room and helped her get out her nightclothes. He pulled back the bed and plumped the pillow while she stared at him. “Go get ready for bed. I’ll clean up out there.”
While she was in the bathroom, he swept up the waxy bits from the coffee table. She wouldn’t like finding them ground into the rug the next morning, so he made sure they were all gathered up. The candle was out and he fixed the magazines, then turned out all the lights except for the one by the door.
Erin met him next to the door wearing a long white nightshirt.
“You look like an angel,” he told her.
He took her face gently in her hands and kissed her again. This time he restrained himself. She was begging for more, but he let her know he wanted her, then pulled back, kissing her on the forehead before he left.
“Go to bed. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he said, going out the door.
As aftercare for him, it sucked. Why did he feel like he was the one who just got whipped? But he couldn’t lie down on her bed and cuddle with her, as he wanted to. He would end up having sex with her, and probably scaring her because he couldn’t control himself. That would only confirm her idea that this hook up would be brief and meteoric.
He couldn’t believe how much that thought panicked him. He paused outside her closed door, wanting to knock, to return and hold her for a few minutes. But that wouldn’t solve anything.
He went downstairs and outside, looking up at the darkened living room windows. He felt so disconnected from her. After playing her body like a fine instrument, reacting with her, taking her to the heights of ecstasy… he felt a crashing emptiness inside. He hoped she didn’t feel that way, too. It wasn’t a good idea to try to have a serious talk right on the heels of a scene. Emotions were too riled up, feelings needed time to settle before they were processed.
Kai slowly circled the block, unable to walk away. On the next street he could see the back of her building through a wide empty lot surrounded by chain link and graffitied plywood. A dog was barking in a building nearby.
Her bedroom light was still on.
He felt like a dirty stalker, but he couldn’t stop himself. He had to be sure she was okay. He knew even simple scenes could pierce someone’s psyche. Look at him! Here he was lurking outside an empty lot, watching her when she didn’t know it.
Once again, Erin had shaken him so badly that he was reacting on primal instinct. First he had endangered them both by making a spectacle of himself searching for her in the subway, and now he was stalking her, unable to let her go, like a dog searching for his bone.
I am a dog, he thought to himself, giving his rigid hard-on a rub through his jeans. He had been hard for more than an hour with no relief in sight. But he was used to that. He was Mr. Control when it came to his own orgasm. It shouldn’t be driving him out of his mind this way.
So he pulled out his phone. He wrote a text to her: Do you need anything? I could come back if you do.
He counted to thirty before a text returned from her: I’m fine. I’m just going to bed now.
He texted back: Good girl.
For nearly a minute he stood there looking at her window. And then it went dark. She really was going to bed. She would think of him tonight and tomorrow when she woke up. And when she found tiny bits of candle in her sheets or in her hair. She would think of him and how he had held her and done things to her that she hadn’t ever allowed anyone else to do.