I woke up in the arms of Zayn, a feeling that felt strange, it had been a while, since we woke up together. I rolled over, and Zayn’s arms pulled me back, “Don’t be too quick to leave” he told me, and nuzzled into the back of my neck, and I smile sighing back into him, as he presses his lips onto the back of my neck.
“You’re going to miss me I take it?” I mumble, and he hummed what sounded like yes, but it was just a noise in the early morning silence. “Well everything is packed and ready” I say.
“If you’re trying to guilt trip me, it isn’t going to work, you’re going, that’s it, it’s the end of it” he told me, in his low and husky morning voice.
“I wasn’t doing that” I muttered, and he chuckled.
“You so were” he spoke back, taking his arms from around me, and sitting up a little, rubbing his eyes, and then running his hand over his beard that had grown. I smiled and looked over at him, and saw his tattoos, ones that my fingertips had forgotten, I reached over to him and ran my fingers down his chest, tracing the patterns.
He took my hand in his and kissed my fingertips, “See, I told you, things are perfect when it’s just us” he whispered, and I smile up at him.
“It’s a shame it’s not always this way” I tell him, and pull my knees up to my chest, and smirk at him.
“I know, but it will be soon” he told me, and I nodded. “What time are you leaving?” he asked me.
“Well the tickets are booked for 2 this after noon, so we need to be there for about noon” I tell him, letting out a long breath, laying down placing my head onto his lap, and letting him run his fingers through my hair.
“What’s wrong?” he asked me.
“I don’t want to leave again” I spoke, “I wouldn’t mind if it was you I was leaving with, but it’s Harry, and… I don’t want you to worry about me being tempted or anything, and I don’t want to let you down” I spoke.
“Let me down? You mean sleep with him?” he lowered his voice, and paused tracing circles at the bottom of my back, as I curl beside him.
“I know I don’t want to, I hate him right now, I’m being civil because you told me to, he helped up, but he also nearly killed us, in a very literal sense of the word, but when I am with him, it’s like none of that even matters” I sigh, and wait for Zayn to tell me off.
But he doesn’t.
“You’re going to be fine, I trust you, and for some reason, I trust him… I know he fucked us over, and messed with us, but if there is one thing we have always known, it’s that he cares about you Brook, and he won’t let anyone hurt you” he told me.
“Unless it’s him” I say.
“Yeah, unless it’s him, so just be carful, if you think he is up to something, you call me, and I will on the first plane to Vegas” he told me, and I smirk at him, and look up to him.
“I wonder how you put up with me some times, I mean not many guys would let their girlfriend go away, all alone with someone who she had cheated with, and had tried to kill her” I say and he pecks my lips.
Placing his finger under my chin, so my head raised to look him in the eyes, “When are you going to realise I am not like other guys?” he smirked down at me.
I simply kissed him, and moved on top of him, and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him in closer to me, and running my fingers through his hair that was getting ever longer - before soon he was going to using one of my scarfs too.
Zayn kissed me harder, and ran his hands up his large shirt which I wore, his hands were warm on my cold skin, “Are you sure?” he asked me, and I pulled back, and stroked his cheek softly, and smiled nodding at him.
He moved on top of me, kissing my neck, and I closed my eyes taking this moment for granted would be so easy, so I savoured it. It was so easy to love him, so I wondered why I had made it so difficult.
Then one of the reasons walked right through the door. “Hey, Brook we are.. Oh god… sorry” I heard a low and quite shocked voice, I moved from under Zayn, and he sat back in bed and groaned in annoyance. “I didn’t mean to interrupt” he spoke, and rubbed the back of his neck.
“What did you want Harry?” I asked him softly.
“Just to let you know we are leaving in an hour” he spoke, and then lingered for a moment or two later. “But you know… feel free to.. you know..” he backed out of the room slowly, and I turned to look at Zayn.
“We’re always interrupted” he spoke.
“It wasn’t his fault” I spoke.
“Pretty quick to defend him there I see” he told me, and though he tried to say it as a joke, the aggravation in his voice came through crystal clear.
“I should probably get ready” I say in a soft an quiet voice.
“Don’t start me of in future if you’re not going to finish” he groaned, in frustration. I knew how his body worked, what he liked and what he didn’t and in those three minutes my hands lay on his skin, I did everything I knew how to do, leaving him wanting more, but it wouldn’t be fair to do it now, not with Harry in my head, though he shouldn’t of been there in the first place.
“I’m sorry, it’s something you should be used to by now” I tell him, and stand up, picking out the clothes I had left out for today.
I get ready in the bathroom, not making that much of an effort to look any different, but there was something about today that made me feel relaxed, maybe it was the quite atmosphere in the house, but then I pause and think about it a little more, I was getting out here, away from all the stress, and the rules, and never ending battle, though be only for a few days, I was getting out of here, away from it all.
Down stairs the house is loud, Niall and Liam are yelling and laughing in the kitchen. If you have not heard Niall’s laugh, I highly recommend it, it makes the dark days bright, and the bright days even brighter.
I stand leaning against the door frame, and they smile at me, well Liam does before he realises he is meant to be mad at me. “Morning” Niall smiles at me, handing me a mug of tea,
“Morning” I smile, and walk forward my back beginning to hurt from standing to long, I had took it upon myself to rid the crutches. “You two seem good this morning” I state, and they nodded, Niall smiling as he does so.
“How do you do that, huh? Manage to be happy like all the time” I grin at Niall.
“I don’t know, theres no point in being miserable, we are only here for a brief encounter, why waste it being down?” he asked me, and I smile at me.
“It’s before noon and he is already getting philosophical” Liam smirked over at Niall, and I laughed lightly, drinking the already cold tea.
“I’m just saying, what’s the point, we were for a reason and it defiantly wasn’t to sit around and feel sorry for ourselves the moment things go wrong” he spoke.
“Why did have to be put here for anything?” I asked.
“You’re encouraging him” Liam spoke to me, and then coughed a little awkwardly.
“I’m not go to sit here and mutter on about the meaning of life” Niall laughed, and we all joined in with his infectious laugh.
“Brook, where are your bags?” Harry’s head shifted around the corner, “I’m just packing the car” he told me.
“In living room” I spoke.
“I’m not going in there, Louis has been entertaining Tiff for the past half hour in there” Harry rolled his eyes.
“He’s going through some stuff give him some credit” Liam spoke.
“Maybe we could give him credit, if he would tell us what the fuck was up with him” I snapped, not meaning to but being sick of louis ignoring everyone, and only speaking when it suited him.
“A lot of shit has happened, and he doesn’t know how to cope with it, just leave it be okay?” Liam stood up, and looked a little shaky.
“Is there something you’re not telling us?” I asked him, and he looked to me, and there was a sense of guilt in his eye, and I didn’t know how to read him.
“Leave it alone Brook, it’s dead a buried” he spoke, and turned to walk out of the room, he nudged passed Harry, and I looked to Niall who silently screamed concern.
“Wonder what his problem is” Harry spoke, and walked further into the room.
“I don’t know, something happen the night James got killed, me and Niall got taken, You had Zayn, but no one had Liam and Louis, something big must of happened to make Louis act like we never existed” I say.
“We have bigger things to worry about than that right now” Harry spoke.
“But do you not even wonder what might of happened?” Niall asked, and I looked to him and nodded, that is one of the only things that I had wondered.
“What happened that night with Liam and Louis is not our main priority right now” Harry stood up, his authoritative tone quietening us down. “Brook, do you want to risk going to get your bags?” Harry asked me, but it felt more like an order, and I stood up slowly and nodded softly, not wanting to anger the beast in front of me.
I walked into the living room, where Louis towered over Tiff, and I coughed loudly and he looked up, “Can I help you?” he asked me.
“I’m in leaving in less than an hour, I thought you might to know… but by all means carry on, i’m only getting my bags” I snap, and grab them from beside the couch.
“You’re leaving, today?” he asked me, pulling him self from Tiff, and fixing his hair, biting down hard on his swollen lips.
“Yeah, you’d know that if you took the time to acknowledge friends but the latest slut that comes by” I say.
“Slut, really?” Tiff stood up.
“Oh pipe down” I rolled my eyes, “See you around, Lou, if you want to even bother saying goodbye…” I pause, and look down at him, “Don’t” I snarl, and walk out of the room.
I close the door behind me, and take a deep breath, and Zayn is coming down the stairs, “You okay?” he asked, rushing to my side, and I let out a shaky breath.
“Never been better” I say.
“Well, I know that’s a lie” he smirked, and took my bags and placed them by the door, “Don’t be too quick to leave, you still have half an hour” he told me.
“Everyone except Louis and Liam are in there” I point to the kitchen, and he nods, but doesn’t stop looking at me, and he snakes his arms around my waist and kisses me softly, and I smile as he does so.
“I love you” he muttered against my lips.
“I love you—..” I was cut of by the door opening behind me.
“Brook!-.. Oh..” Louis started off shouting, but saw me with Zayn. “I didn’t mean to interrupt” he spoke.
“It’s fine, you’re not exactly the first person to do so today” Zayn said annoyance riding high in his voice.
“Oh, well, can I have a word with Brook then” Louis asked, and Zayn looked down at me, and I raise my eyebrows, and he sighs, running his hands through his hair.
“Sure, she’s all yours” he spoke, and let me go, walking away from me, and I sighed, I knew wasn’t mad at me but he was mad at Louis.
Tiff came out, and wiped her lips, before smirking at Louis, and disappearing upstairs. Louis’s eyes though were preoccupied with me.
“What is it?” I asked him, and walked passed him into the living room, and sat down on the couch, he walked over and sat down beside me.
“I’m sorry, we haven’t spoken since the whole thing with James, how are you about all of that?” he asked me.
“How am I? After I shot someone I cared about, and there blood smothered me, I’ve never been happier, Lou” I sarcastically speak.
“You’re right, bit of a stupid question” he spoke.
“What about you, are you ever going to tell me what actually happened that night, because I can’t loose any more people, Louis, and I defiantly don’t want to loose you” I tell him.
“It’s hard okay…To talk about it” he told me.
“Since when was it hard with me?” I ask him.
“I was with William, and he was talking about when I nearly killed you… and what he would of… what he would of done to you, and I.. I couldn’t take it, Brook. He brought up our parents, and Everything that I had tried so hard to forget” he told me, and he began to cry. “I didn’t mean to do it, Brook, but his back was turned, so I picked up the crowbar…and he had let us down and hurt you, and me… and with him out of the picture it was one less thing to worry about, so I just hit him” he shook, and my heart sank. “I hit him over and over again, until his blood was running down my arm.” he whispered.
Louis had killed his own brother.
“Louis…” I whispered, but he stopped me.
“Then I called Liam, I thought he would know what to do, and I sat there with William in my arms, and I cried, and he… he told me he loved me, and that he remembered the time when we were seven and we were skipping stones in the lake, and how whenever he had gone to hurt me, that’s what he thought of to stop himself, he told me he was sick, he had voices in his head, Brook… and I didn’t know, he was fucking mental and I couldn’t help him!” he shouted, and I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him down to my lap.
“Louis, you didn’t what you thought was right” I try and reassure him.
“No I didn’t, I killed my own brother, and when Liam got there, William was dead, and we had to get rid of the body, I don’t know if you have ever wrapped a dead body up and threw it in a lake, but it isn’t easy, especially when you love the person who your throwing” he spoke, “And you know what made it worse?” he asked me.
“What?” I whispered.
“I thought about us skipping stones across the same lake we threw him into” he cried, and I cradled him gently.
“You’re okay” I tell him.
“He had voices” he sobbed, “Voices that told him to hurt me, and you, and everyone else, it was never him, I don’t know why I thought it would be him, it was a voice” he whispered, and cried, leaving my jeans covered in tear droplets.
“That’s why Liam hasn’t been himself either” I spoke.
“He was fine for the first few days, but recently, it’s driving him a bit mad” he told me, and Louis sat up red eyed, red faces, and with rosy cheeks, I touch his faec with my hand.
“Don’t hate yourself for what you did, you did him a favour, what kind of life is it, living with a voice in your head? Having it control you, having make you hate the people you love most in the world, you saved him Louis, and I know it doesn’t feel that way, and I know you’re going to hate yourself for a long time, but you did him a favour, and you’ve saved us all, you’ve saved me” I spoke.
“We all keep saving you but loosing something we love” he told me, and he didn’t say it in a horrid way, he said in a soft and velvet voice.
“Well, you won’t have anything to loose then when I’m gone, and when this is over. When we have something to loose, Louis, we become weak” I tell him, and he nodded softly.
“Go and see Zayn, go…” he told me.
“Are you going to be okay?” I ask him, and drop my hand from his cheek, and he nodded and stood up as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling my body to his, and scared to let go incase he would fall apart, I held on for a little bit longer.
Voices. They are a powerful thing. Being a friends voice, a lovers voice, or even your own at times. A voice can turn into your worst enemy. Sometimes I think that is all Zayn would ever be. A voice, a soft, velvet voice that danced around in the darkest corners of my mind. But he felt to real. He felt like heaven in Satan’s hands. In my hands thought, he was an even bigger disaster. In his hands I was a sinking ship, with no captain, no sail, and no signs of surrendering.
All I can say about voices is that we all have one. Half is good, and well… the other side is best not to be discussed. I didn’t have a voice. But if I did, his would be the loudest.
I am very emotional after this chapter. William is dead, and omg idk what to feel. Ugh. Comment lovelies!! :Dx